Page 121 of Blood & Snow

"They pay well for discretion."

"What privacy requires ten-thousand-ruble tips?"

Those numbers are impossible to explain and I know it.

I realize she's been tracking my spending, probably going through my purse and pockets while I sleep.

She's probably gone through my room too, discovered the stash of bills I stuffed under my mattress and the roll in my sock drawer.

"Some secrets are expensive to keep," I whisper.

"Whose secrets, Nadya? What are you cleaning up after these people do?"

The room tilts slightly, and I grip the counter to steady myself.

Images flash through my mind—tonight's job, the blood pooling around the dead man's body, the way Xander stood over me while I helped erase his crime.

"I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

"Both."

Irina's face transforms, anger replacing concern as my admission sinks in.

"Then you're choosing them over us."

"No, I'm choosing to protect you."

"From what?"

From men who kill without hesitation.

From a world where violence is currency and love is weakness.

From the knowledge that your sister has fallen so far into darkness that she may never find her way back.

All the thoughts surgeto the forefront of my mind at the same pace as the vomit that's rising in my throat.

Before I know it, I'm hunched over the trash can vomiting, with deep retching sounds that finally make her shut up.

She walks up beside me, pulling my hair back as I continue to empty my stomach’s contents, which isn't much being so late in the evening.

I haven't eaten dinner yet, which probably made this even worse.

And it's a horrible foul stench too, but I manage to finish and take the towel she offers me.

"Are you okay? You look so pale…"

The nurse inside of her comes out, reaching for my forehead.

I let her press her hand there and on my cheeks too before she backs away.

"I've just been tired lately. I'm sure it's just a bug," I tell her but my gut tells me maybe it's more than just a tummy bug.

My phone buzzes against my hip and I want to groan, but I finish cleaning up my face, thankful she's stopped her inquisition.

I know without looking that it's Xander, calling me to another scene that needs attention.