Page 25 of Bitten by Bloodmoon (Mateless Shifters #2)

Lumi

W hat the hell did I just do? What the ever-loving hell did I just do?

That kiss—that motherfucking kiss. I just…I…it was…it…

Even my mind has gone speechless. I can’t process my thoughts.

And then what did I say? ‘Take me to bed.’

My cheeks blush with embarrassment. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have kissed him. I’m so truly and incredibly fucked. My words were meant to be a bluff to save us, but I wouldn’t be mad if he took me to his bed.

No .

He killed Rowena. Killed her. He’s a killer. And he did countless horrible things to Ambrose. And he’s a vampire. And he used mind control on me.

But…

No buts.

Gods, that kiss was powerful, earth-shattering, life-changing kind of kiss. A kiss that parallels every kiss I had with Ambrose. A kiss that screams mate all the way down to my bones. A kiss that never should have happened.

Turmoil is spinning out of control in my head. My embarrassment strengthens when I realize that Nyx can probably hear every thought I’m having. But when I do a quick scan of my mind, for once, I find it empty. No Nyx. No Ambrose. Just me, thank heavens.

Nyx stares at me, a picturesque statue not giving away any of his own emotions. I have no idea what he’s thinking, and I’m too terrified to try to slip into his mind to figure it out.

I have no idea if my plan worked. But we aren’t being viciously attacked right now, so I’d say it had to have worked at least a little.

Nyx gives me a silent command with one look, but just like me, he doesn’t try to get into my head. Either to give me privacy, or he’s just as terrified by what just happened as I am.

I nod like I understand, but in reality, I’m a puddle of emotions I don’t want to process yet. So, I’ll do anything to avoid thinking too hard about what just happened.

Nyx releases my arm, and it’s then that I realize he’s been holding me this entire time.

He takes a step away from me, and my lungs forget how to breathe.

Nyx’s back is painted red with his own blood, to the point where his shirt looks like it was always red.

Large slits cut through it, though, revealing his open flesh.

I don’t know how he walks so smoothly, like he’s not in any pain at all.

For any mortal, he’d be near death at this point.

Orson looks up at Nyx, like he’s expecting what’s about to happen. But I don’t have a clue.

Nyx grabs Orson by the throat and lifts him into the air, as if he’s just lifting air.

“You don’t get to question my decisions again, and definitely not my mate’s.

You don’t get to threaten her life. I’m showing mercy for her sake, but if you threaten her life in any way ever again, it will mean permanent death. ”

Orson stares at him, not even trying to fight, like he knows at this point it’s futile.

“Do you understand?” Nyx growls ferociously.

“Yes, my lord.”

And then Nyx snaps his neck, dropping him in a limp pile on the ground.

Everyone stares at him. He’s dead.

Killer…killer…he’s a killer. The words whisper through my head like a strong breeze. He killed Rowena. He’ll kill everyone you love.

It takes me a minute to remember that he’s not really dead, at least not permanently, unless Nyx drives a stake through his heart. Which he doesn’t appear to be doing. I’m not upset if he does, though. That vampire deserved to die for what he did to Nyx’s back.

Nyx turns to face me, as if to ask if what he did was enough or if he should take it further. But I suspect the reason he didn’t kill him outright is that Orson is popular with the other vampires, and it might start an uproar and a revolution against Nyx that could overthrow him as a lord.

I nod, letting him know I think it’s enough.

His lips twitch in response. He walks back to my side and interlocks his fingers with mine. A movement that feels comforting and yet so strange at the same time. Intimate, almost as intimate as kissing. But I know it’s what would be expected of us if we were truly mates.

“Go home, the party is over. My mate will decide Kael’s punishment.” With that dismissal, Nyx leads me through the thick clearing.

“Can I—”

“Yes,” I answer before he even finishes his sentence.

I just want to be far away from here as fast as possible.

I don’t know if in Nyx’s current state if he’s going to be able to carry me or if his vampire speed will work.

But one second I’m in the woods, my feet on the ground, the next I’m on Nyx’s doorstep, cradled in his arms.

He’s silent as he slowly carries me into the house and up the stairs.

As my heart begins to thunder in my chest, I realize he’s carrying me to his bedroom, not mine.

I’m not sure if he knows my words were said mainly to get us out of there in one piece, but heat spreads in delicious anticipation.

I can’t shake the feeling that sleeping with Nyx might be the best damn idea I’ve ever had.

Nyx places me in my bed. “In bed, love, as you requested.” There’s a teasing glint in his eyes. The first words he’s spoken to me.

“I didn’t mean…I mean, I meant…I—”

He chuckles. “I know what you meant and why you said what you said. Thank you for saving my life. For preventing an internal battle among the vampires and my pack. And stopping an uprising among the vampires.”

I bite my lower lip as my cheeks pinken at my response to kissing him.

“We don’t need to talk about it. I forced myself to stay out of your head, so I have no idea what you felt or thought during the kiss. It was done under duress. It doesn’t mean anything. And it doesn’t change anything. We aren’t really mates, we both know that.”

“Right,” I say, doing my best to keep the disappointment out of my voice. I shouldn’t feel disappointed. He’s right, of course. It means nothing. It changes nothing. It doesn’t mean we are mates. But then why does it feel like it changes everything?

“Why am I in your bed? Why not any of the other hundred rooms?”

“Because this is where you are expected to be, as my mate and all.”

He means give everyone the illusion that we are fucking all the time.

“And where are you then if I’m sleeping in your bed?”

“Elsewhere.”

It’s not an answer, but then why does it disturb me that he might be sleeping somewhere else? With someone else? Sylara perhaps? Or another pack member? A vampire?

He stills for a moment, as if he read my thoughts. But I still don’t feel his icy threads in my mind.

“The vampire that you sort of killed. He’s not really dead, is he?”

“No. As much as I’d like to have killed him permanently, I knew it would start a war if I did.”

“How long will he be dead for?”

“Depends on whether a healer helps him or how recently he’s fed. If a healer helps, it could be a day. If not, up to a week to fully heal from that on his own.”

I nod.

“We need to go see a seer tomorrow. We can’t put it off any longer. We have until the next full moon to figure out how to break the curse,” he says.

I nod. “When do you want to leave? Do you have anyone specific in mind that we should go visit?”

“Dawn, and yes, I’ve been having my own dreams. We need to go north. There’s a small coven about six hours from here.”

A coven of witches. It sounds worse than the vampires, but we don’t have a choice. We need answers, and our dreams alone don’t seem to hold enough.

There’s a soft rap on the door. Nyx doesn’t glance up from me. “It’s Sylara with Kael.”

I stiffen.

“I’ll leave you to handle him as I promised. Unless you want me to—”

“No, I’ll handle him.” I glare at the door, still not believing what Kael did to get into this mess. “I’m sorry about what he did. I didn’t see that he wanted me before. You were right. I should have seen what he was up to and stopped him.”

Nyx shakes his head. “Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. And I don’t even really blame Kael for tonight. He was doing what he thought was best to save you; however, foolish his actions were.”

Nyx turns, and I get a look at his back again. “Your back,” I almost sob the words out. It looks so tender, so raw, so painful that I don’t know how he’s standing without wincing in pain.

“I’ll have Riven look at it. I’ll be ready to go at dawn.” He dismisses my concern for him and then vanishes from the room before I can ask more questions or show more concern. But I won’t be able to forget about his pain or what caused it anytime soon. He didn’t deserve that.

“Come in,” I shout to the door.

It opens slowly. Kael is standing in the doorway looking somber, while Sylara stands behind him. She doesn’t say anything to me.

“I’ve got it,” I say to her.

She nods, for once, not arguing with me as she vanishes. Kael walks into the room and shuts the door.

I get up from the bed and walk over to the large windows, where I find a door that leads out onto an expansive balcony that goes all the way around the circular room.

I don’t have to say anything, but Kael follows.

I don’t know why, but I don’t want to tarnish the room with this conversation. It needs to happen outside.

I walk to the railing and lean against it. Kael hesitantly walks next to me and does the same. He doesn’t dare speak. He waits for me, which is the only smart thing he’s done all day.

“Why? Why did you kiss me? Was it to hurt Nyx? Because Ambrose asked you to? Or because you love me?”

“Ambrose asked me to come, to protect you. But he didn’t tell me to kiss you. I doubt I’d still be breathing if he knew what I did.”

I turn and face him. “So why? To hurt Nyx?”

“Not to hurt him, but I don’t think he’s your mate. He can’t be, he’s a vampire for fucking sakes! A killer. He kills just because, for no reason other than he wants to taste blood. He killed one of your friends. I don’t care what he’s pretending to be around you; that’s not the real him.”

“Did you see him do atrocious things when you were held captive by him?”

He hesitates.

“Did you?” I need to know.

“No. He mostly just had his pack members follow me around and keep me mostly isolated. I saw him once with some vampires before he turned into a lord, but I’ve heard the rumors. I know who he is. He’s a killer, a monster.”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course, I’ve known you my whole life. You’re my best friend. The only thing left of my real pack. Of course, I love you.”

I shake my head. “Are you in love with me? Do you think I’m your mate?”

“I don’t know. The curse has all of my feelings all mixed up.

I don’t know how I feel. I just know you don’t belong with Nyx, and I’m not exactly happy with how Ambrose has treated you.

So maybe you and I belong together like you thought from the very beginning.

I’m not sure I believe in fated mates or that even breaking the curse.

But I don’t need babies to make me happy.

And I know you don’t either. We don’t need to break the curse.

We just need to be happy and safe. We could have that together. ”

“The curse has to be broken, or a war will start. One we will never be able to run from. We won’t be able to escape, no matter what you think.

” I stare back out at the vast darkness, only lit by the smallest of moonlights.

“And I don’t want safe. Even if there was no curse to break, I want real love.

The kind that doesn’t happen often. The kind that roots itself deep in your soul and you’d whither and die if anything happened to your partner kind.

And maybe I do want babies. I don’t know.

” I picture little kids with Ambrose’s golden eyes, Nyx’s black hair, or even Kael’s messy hair. But I can’t picture any of them fully.

Fucking curse.

“It’s hard to explain to you, to anyone, but I know I’m the only one to break the curse. I’ve felt it. I’ve dreamed about it.”

“You’ve had dreams about it?”

“Yes. Dreams, visions, I don’t know what to call them. But I know that I will break the curse. I will change everything. I don’t have a choice.”

He frowns. “You have a choice.”

“Maybe in a lot of things, but I don’t have a choice to not break the curse. I can’t live with myself if I don’t try when I see the suffering, the carnage, the death that will come as a result of doing nothing.”

“Then that’s your choice.”

“It is.” I’m silent for a beat. “As is my choice in what to do with you.”

“Lumi, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re right, it won’t. I won’t allow it.”

His eyes search mine, but I’ve already made up my mind about how to handle him. I can’t trust him, but he was just doing what he could to protect me.

“You’re going to let Nyx bite you.”

“What? Hell no, I’m not.”

“If you want to stay, you’re going to let Nyx bite you. You’re going to let him drink a drop of your blood. He’ll be able to use mind control on you.”

“His alpha command is enough. I’m a pack member. I’ll have to do what he says anyway.”

I shake my head. “You can fight that. You can join another pack. You can denounce your membership. I want a guarantee that you will not risk his life again. If you want to stay, these are my conditions.”

“Okay,” he whispers after a nervous gulp.