Page 5 of Big Girls Do It Stronger

Chapter 4

Who Is This Lady, and Where Did Jasinda Go?

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”

—Ellen DeGeneres

When I releasedBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNINGI got a bit of flack for the title and the picture of me on the cover. Why? Well, I guess no one wants to run. Ha! Can you imagine that? But most of the negative feedback I got about the cover was that I still looked fat. Can you believe that?

Here’s the deal: was I at my end point with my weight loss? NOPE! But I was at a place where I had steadily lost weight and was in a very healthy place? YES! And not just me, my whole family was getting healthy. So I was telling my story from that point. I was in that moment.

I guess in my head I was thinking that if people saw someone they could relate to on the cover, then they might pick it up. My agent even suggested changing the title and cover once it was released, but you can probably guess my answer to that: NOPE! If I’m going to putmyname on the title ofmybook and publish it myself then I am going to put my silly butt in Spanx and show people that healthy doesn’t have to look the way we think it does.

So, hey you, the person out there criticizing me and my body—when you can run a 5K in the dead of winter dragging a toddler with one hand while pushing a jogging stroller with the other, then we can sit down and talk about what you would rather have on the cover of my book (insert eye roll here).

The great thing about getting older, and having so many kids, and living the life I’ve had is that it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers. One of the only things that will piss me off is when someone tells me I can’t do something. Trust me; don’t eventhinkabout trying that with a mother of six—it won’t go well for you.

As you can see, this book cover is similar to the cover for BGDIR: my healthy butt on the cover. Don’t even try to convince me it isn’t a great idea. I’m still working to change the way we think about how we look at health—more on that later, though ... I’m getting ahead of myself.

As I’m writing this right now, BGDIR was only released six months or so, and so much has happened since then. At the release ofBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNING, my older kids, my husband and I all ran a 10K together. Wow, that was fun. I was so proud of my family, especially my three older kids who were only 10, 11, and 12 at the time. They all finished ahead of me, and they were there cheering me on as I ran into the stadium and across the finish line.

I will probably remember that day for the rest of my life. I didn’t know we would be running into a stadium where people would be waiting to cheer on the finishers. They had a DJ with music blasting, and as soon as I wogged into the stadium they started playing “MIAMI” by Will Smith.

I don’t even know what came over me. I know every single word of that song! I LOVE THAT SONG! It came out the year I graduated high school, and it’s my JAM! Come on, you remember how hot that track was, right? If you haven’t heard it in awhile you should totally YouTube or Spotify it right now! It’s still good!

I was so overwhelmed with happiness at that moment that I danced my butt to the finish line. I don’t even know what the people in the stadium thought about me at that point but, in my mind, they were cheering me on. It felt like the stands were filled with all of my readers chanting “BIG GIRLS! BIG GIRLS!” and dancing with me to the finish. Yes, maybe I did need more oxygen and some electrolytes and, yes, it was entirely possible I was close to losing my mind. But, I actually didn’t lose my mind. I got mymuch-smaller-than-it-was-in-1997 butt across the finish line and I cried. I couldn’t believe I’d done it! I couldn’t believe Will Smith was there singing “MIAMI” just for me. Okay, so he wasn’treallythere, but it did feel pretty cool to have that jam playing as I crossed the finish line.

I really hope you’ve experienced something like that on your own journey on the #WilderWay. I hope you’ve felt the joy of reaching your own finish line, that you now know it isn’t about what your bodycan’tdo, it’s about what itwon’tdo if you don’t even ask it to try.

I think of that moment so often. What if I had never asked my body to try this? Where would I be? Probably still sick, napping each day, in a sugar daze. But now? This amazing, powerful body of mine has run over adozen5K races, oneverydifficult uphill trail run, and a 10K. How awesome is that? Even just two years ago I would probably be getting ready for a nap right about now just to make it to 10 PM.

Yes, my life was busy then too, but the differences between then and now are really quite remarkable. And it didn’t take special medication or a great spiritual quest. It took the simple realization that I wanted more from my life and more from myself and, let me tell you, nothing tastes better than the hope that life can be more.

Here’s the awesome thing about hope: I think it multiplies, and it can be contagious.

The more my family keeps running, challenging ourselves, pushing ourselves, the more we all want. We want more of the good things we’re feeling. Now, does that mean that every single day we wake up and lace on our running shoes? No way! But it has completely shifted our family life and the time we spend together. It’s weird to me now that so many people think of our family as an “active family.” We still don’t watch much TV, we walk together, we hike, we swim, we run, we work out. It’s not perfect, and it’s usually messy, but it is something that I’m pretty proud of. Yes, we occasionally have to pull one of the toddlers some of the way, but when we get to that finish line, everyone is excited and feeling good.

When I first wroteBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNINGI had a tiny hope that other families would catch that same fire, and I got my wish. It was so neat to see so many other families sending me photos of them doing their 5K races together, all those big smiles on their sweaty, red faces. It was awesome! And I hope those same families will keep it up. Hey, maybe you can only do one race a year, but make it a healthy tradition that sticks. Maybe it’s something you do on Thanksgiving, all dressed like a flock of turkeys. Maybe you take your daughter to a princess run sporting your tutu. Whatever it is, don’t forget how good that first one felt. Don’t let go of the bond your family makes when they challenge, motivate, and inspire each other toward better health. This is good stuff!

I think that finding your strong isn’t always just physical—it’s spiritual, it’s mental, and it’s deep down at the core of who we are. I think so many of us think we are weak. In fact, when I asked theBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNINGFacebook group when they had last felt strong, most of them said theyneverhad. A few mentioned that when they gave birth they felt it for a few hours, or a day, or a week. Still, it was clear most of them were still waiting to find their strong.

Maybe we all just need a reason? Maybe we all just need that push, someone to tell us that wecan; I know I need that every single day. I need someone to show up next to my bed each morning and whisper in my ear that yes, Icanpush, pull, lift, and run myself strong today (Please don’t actually break into my house and do that, though).

When I was a teacher I was often surprised when a student told me they couldn’t do something. Usually, I would have to tell them they could a few times and then bingo, they would do it. There’s really something to be said for positive self-talk as well as reassurance from others. Once someone else tells you that you can achieve something, you usually can. If your mind sees you in that picture in your mind, if you envision yourself actually doing it, then a little seed of hope takes root and begins to grow. If you tell yourself youcandeadlift that 150 lb barbell every single day, then guess what? There’s a better chance of you eventually being able to lift it than if you’re always telling yourself there’s no way you could ever do it.

My whole life I hid behind negative self-talk. It would keep me from doing so many great things, exciting things, things that I might never get a chance to try again. I’ve been on four trips to amusement parks when I literally just sat and watched everyone else have fun. Not only could I not fit on most of the rides, but that fact alone hurt so bad I would be a depressed pony the entire time I was there.

I remember one time very vividly—it was my honeymoon from my first marriage. My new husband loved rollercoasters and his grandparents had a condo near Orlando, so we drove down for a few days of fun and sun together. Although I should have been very happy, if you’ve readBIG GIRLS DO IT RUNNINGyou know that it was not one of the highlights of my life. I ended up being upset, full of regret, or crying almost the entire time we were in Florida. When we went to Hollywood Studios I just followed my new husband around and sat aside as he went on rides I couldn’t fit on.

Even though we both knew by the second ride that I wouldn’t fit on any of them, he still made me try. I’m not sure I can adequately express the amount of humiliation I felt in not being able to fit into the seats; and then, to make my mortification complete, at one point I got stuck and it took him and another man to get me out of the chair. I left one of the happiest places on earth feeling nothing like happy. I felt, at that point, at nineteen, that maybe I didn’t even deserve happiness.

I have some wisdom I’d like to share today—at thirty-seven—to that nineteen-year-old girl: we all deserve happiness, dear. It’s a choice—so choose it.

This past summer Jack and I traveled down to Florida with Nanny Karri (yes,thatNanny Karri), and my brother-in-law, to witness their wedding, which was absolutely beautiful. One of the days we were down there, my brother-in-law suggested a trip to Hollywood Studios—he wanted to take Karri on a rollercoaster because she’d never been on one before. I gave him a tepid half-smile and said, “Sure, sounds good.” I didn’t want to bring down the trip by mentioning my horrible memories from years ago. Well, I had so much anxiety driving there that you might have felt it if you had been within a few cars lengths from us on the highway.

When we got there I immediately saw one of the rides that I hadn’t been able to fit on all those years before. Right in front of the ride was the set of “tester seats”, those are the actual seats for people to try to see if they can fit. I looked at my husband—he knew all about my stories of my previous visit, because he knows all.

He looked at me and said, “Babe, you’re totally going to fit.”