Page 78 of Between Regrets and Promises (Between Us Trilogy #2)

SOPHIE

Sitting on my bed, I stare at the wall. My emotions are going crazy like I might break down at any moment.

Watching Serena touch Mason and laugh at everything he said made something inside me snap.

Noticing the way she responded to him, it was more than obvious she has feelings for him, and the thought blinded me.

I could hardly concentrate at dinner. While I feel bad for how I acted, I know I’m not going crazy in thinking Serena is after him.

Or maybe I am.

Needing to know if it was only me or not, I text Lennon because she’ll be honest. It’s not too late, and I’m sure she’s just settling down for the night.

Sophie

So. I have a question.

Lennon

Go for it. I’m sure I have an answer.

I pause before I type the message and wonder if I’m being a jealous girlfriend.

Then I laugh because our relationship is on hold, which means I have no right to be.

Mason should be able to do whatever he wants, and it’s my fault because I took the lead and put us on pause.

I want to give him all of me, not shards of who I used to be, and that’s going to take time. If only I knew how long.

Lennon

Did you fall asleep or something? I’m waiting on edge for this question.

A nervous laugh escapes me, but Lennon won’t judge. She never does.

Sophie

Do you think Serena has a thing for Mason?

After a few moments, the text bubble pops up. It stops and disappears, and then her message comes through.

Lennon

She may, but it doesn’t matter what other people want, it’s more than obvious he doesn’t want her. He loves YOU.

Sophie

Are you sure? What if he does because I’m broken over here?

Lennon

I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Right now, focus on healing, and everything else will work itself out. I promise. It always does.

I let out a breath and take her words to heart.

It’s hard not to worry when it’s been the only constant in my life for the past few weeks.

Am I letting my insecurities get the best of me?

Am I starting fights for no reason because of my rocky emotional state?

Maybe I am. If Serena wanted him, why didn’t she pursue him all the years he was single?

Could I be seeing something that isn’t there?

Dozens of questions flood my mind, driving me crazy.

Trying to push the thoughts out of my head, I thank Lennon for chatting with me and turn off the lights with hopes to fall asleep.

It’s been five days since Mason and I had our small argument, and today’s the day I go back to work.

He hasn’t brought it up since that night, but neither have I.

It’s been rustling around in the back of my head ever since, even when I try to push it out.

Though he was in denial about Serena, I know what I saw, and I’m not stupid.

Mason’s a catch, and any woman would be lucky to have him—including me.

Although Lennon’s words gave me some hope, I hadn’t been able to approach the subject since then.

I get out of bed and go to the bathroom.

For the first time in a long while, I feel okay about going to work.

The thought makes me smile because playing violin professionally isn’t like a normal job.

I show up and get to do what I love, which is more than most people can say.

There’s a lot in my life that I shouldn’t take for granted, and being able to play is one of them.

After I brush my teeth, I practically glide through the living room in my sleepy haze to the smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen.

Mason continues giving me the space I need, but now I feel like I’m losing him.

I don’t expect him to wait for me forever, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

After everything that’s happened, it feels like the universe is telling us to slow down.

Not that I can’t trust Mason—hell, he’s saved my life more than once—but I want to make sure I’m ready when it’s time to take the next step.

I don’t want to rush into a relationship and ruin something that could be great for us both, and I know he understands that more than I could’ve ever imagined, but still.

It hurts to know I’m the reason we can’t be together the way we deserve to be.

When I sit at the table, he brings me a cup of coffee made the way I like it. The cream makes it the perfect temperature. Mason places some scrambled eggs and sausage in front of me, and I give him a thankful smile in return.

My eyes wander down his bare chest to the jogging pants that sit haphazardly on his hips. The sound of him clearing his throat brings my eyes back to his.

“I said, good morning,” he repeats with a smirk as he sits in front of me and starts eating.

I’m a woman of little words in the morning, a habit I’ve been trying to break since moving in but have failed miserably.

Instead, Mason conforms to my ways and lets me drink my coffee and eat in silence, something I used to crave with my last roommates.

There are a few elephants in the room. One has Serena’s name on it, but we’ve both been avoiding that conversation. Then again, I don’t have anything more to say about that.

“Ready to go back to the rehearsal hall today?” he asks, squirting ketchup on his plate.

Sucking in a deep breath, I nod. “Yeah. I think so. It’s gonna be weird, though.”

“Because you haven’t played?”

I knew he’d ask me about it, considering he hasn’t this whole time, and I nod, focusing on my food.

I’ve been counting down to this day, but I feel ready, which is great since I didn’t know if I’d be okay when I gave a return date to my director.

Though my therapist said she’d write up the paperwork to allow for a longer medical leave, I refused.

I desperately want to get back to my routine, and this is the first step.

It grows awkward between us, and I’m not sure what to say, but thankfully, Liam walks in and interrupts us. He’s standing in his underwear with messy hair and no fucks to give.

“Dude,” Mason says when Liam takes a piece of sausage from his plate.

Liam tries to lean over and give Mason a kiss on the cheek, but Mason pushes his face away. “Sometimes you’re the most annoying human on the planet.”

He shrugs, pours himself a cup of coffee, and plops at the table as if the room isn’t thick with tension. “What were you two lovebirds discussing?”

I roll my eyes at his loaded question. “Your mom.”

He lets out a big fake laugh. “Oh man, Sophie. Maybe you should become a comedian. You’re so quick with the jokes!” Liam raises his mug with a smirk.

“Good, because it’s my plan B when I get kicked off the symphony.” I glare without really meaning it.

“Oh, is that today?” he asks apologetically, and I hate that I’ve made him feel bad about it.

“Yep, which means I better get moving so I’m not late on my first day back.” I stand and put my plate in the sink. “Thanks for breakfast, Mason.”

Our eyes meet, and for a moment, all I want to do is get lost in him, but I notice Liam staring, so I force my legs to move.

I go to my room and get dressed for work, but it proves to be more difficult than I expected.

Nothing feels or looks right, and I change my outfit four different times before settling on something more comfortable—black slacks and a cream blouse.

It’s been a while since I’ve been around my colleagues, and I’m more concerned about the looks and questions I’m going to get. However, I’m rusty from not practicing too. Today, there will be no playing from memory, and I’ll be forced to sight read every piece of music I have.

I check the time, then grab my violin case and rush out the door.

Before I set it on my passenger seat, I open the case and make sure it’s still there.

Slowly, I run my fingers across the smooth grain of the wood before shutting it.

Taking in a deep breath, I start the car and drive across town.

Though I’ll be early, it’ll give me enough time to find a dash of courage to go inside.

On the way over, I listen to music, hoping to keep my mind busy, and it works until I pull into the parking lot.

My nerves are on edge, so I focus on the positives.

Other musicians begin showing up, and I finally decide to join them.

People greet me, but no one brings up the obvious of me being gone for weeks, which helps me relax.

Mr. Tanner enters and greets me with a kind smile, but that’s as far as the conversation goes.

As everyone arrives, I sit and begin warming up, and I realize how off I am. I’m already struggling.

We start at the beginning of our set, and within the first few measures, I miss a note, then another, then another.

By the time we’ve played through two songs, I’m so damn frustrated with myself that I can barely concentrate.

The mistakes I’m making are novice ones.

Anxiety slaps me in the face, and I worry that coming back was a bad idea.

The confidence I once had when I play has disappeared.

By the time we take our midday break for lunch, I’m nearly in tears as I walk to my car. It’s as if Mason knows because I get a text from him.

Mason

How’s it going?

Sophie

TERRIBLE!

Mason

Oh no. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

Of course, his thoughtful words fill me with warmth. He’s always trying to save me, but he can’t save me from this.

Sophie

No. I think I’m gonna go home.

Mason

Do it if you need to. You don’t have to rush into anything until you’re ready, Soph.

Sophie

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Mason

Anytime. Oh hey, I’m probably gonna be staying late at work today, but we should watch a movie or something later.

Sophie

Deal.