Page 17 of Between Regrets and Promises (Between Us Trilogy #2)

MASON

EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER

No one will ever truly know what causes someone to take their own life, and as I stare at the scene of the accident and take notes, I’m sick to my fucking stomach.

Looking around the apartment, I notice everything is perfectly in place.

A notebook lies on the bed along with her cell phone, a stack of schoolbooks, and an empty pill bottle.

It was her third attempt, but this time, she succeeded.

On her dresser are pictures of her with friends and family, and I wonder if she contacted any of them and told them what she was going to do.

My emotions begin to bubble to the surface, heat rushes to my face, and I have to excuse myself from the room. It’s okay not to be okay, and right now, I’m definitely not. Too many memories flash before my eyes, and I’m weak in the knees as I think back to my college days.

“Mason,” Detective Ducet calls out. I want to eventually go into investigations, and I have to be able to handle death and horrific scenes, but this one hits a little too close to home.

I scrub a hand over my face, then walk over toward him.

“Make sure you observe how they collect the evidence. Smith is taking photos and marking the scene. I’ll see you back at the office, but I think this is a cut-and-dried case.

After getting statements from her parents and learning this wasn’t her first attempt, I don’t think any foul play was involved. ”

I nod.

“You look like shit. You eat something bad?” he asks.

“Yeah. I think so,” I lie, not wanting to open the closet where I hide all my skeletons. “I’ll be just a second.”

I take a deep breath, pull my shit together, then go back to continue to help process the scene.

Once I’ve done my due diligence, and watch the forensic investigators do their thing, I head to the office.

My mind wanders, and I find myself falling into a dark place, one I try not to visit often.

After the day is over, I grab my stuff and head home with a mind full of shit I don’t want to think about.

All I want to do is relax, wash off the day, and push it all away.

I think most people who have jobs of this nature have to compartmentalize it all. Otherwise, it’s a lot of heaviness to deal with on a daily basis. But I also believe we’re helping people when we solve cases and find the bad guys, or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

The moment I’m home, I see Sophie and Maddie are here again hanging out with Liam.

They’ve been around more and more, and though I purposely push Sophie away, wanting to keep her at arm’s length, I can’t deny that I enjoy her presence.

Hearing her laughter, seeing her smile, listening to her talk about her job and how much she loves playing—all that brings me so much happiness.

Sometimes when I don’t think she’s looking, I’ll grin, but inevitably, she catches me, so I put my guard back up again.

The four of us have hung out before and watched movies.

We’ve even been able to laugh and hold a real conversation too.

At times, I notice myself failing at keeping her at bay, my resolve vanishing, and I have to remind myself not to give Sophie the wrong idea.

The last thing I want is to lead her on and have her think I can give her more, when I can’t.

At those moments, I put my shield back up and push her away again.

Today was rough, bringing back memories I’ve tried to forget, and when I see them here again, frustration builds inside me. The demons I try so hard to control came back in full force today from just that one scene.

Liam greets me as soon as my eyes meet his, and Maddie mutters something under her breath about how I look like shit.

Liam smirks in agreement, but he knows what my job entails and that it’s bound to hit a nerve.

Instead of responding to either of their comments, I grunt and head upstairs to take a shower.

It’s not their fault, but I need time after work to decompress and get the day out of my head.

I knew what I was getting into when I decided to major in this field and even more so when I realized where I could potentially work in the future.

I knew I’d be dealing with horrendous situations like abuse and homicide, including kids, teenagers, and the elderly.

In my mind, I knew what to expect. But today—today triggered me for the first time in a long time, probably years.

I stand in the shower and allow the hot water to roll over my tense muscles to try to settle my nerves, but it doesn’t seem like enough.

The weight of the day still sits heavy on my chest. Once I’m done and dressed, I head downstairs to the kitchen and pull a beer from the fridge.

When I plop down on the chair, the three of them turn and stare at me, but I focus on the TV.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Maddie chides in her snarky tone, which causes me to roll my eyes.

“Why are you always here?” I ask sharply. “Don’t you have some dance routine to learn or something?”

She laughs sarcastically. “Wow, good one. Maybe you should’ve been a comedian with all the jokes you have.”

“Perhaps it’s time for you two to pay rent since you’re here basically every day,” I throw back at her, glancing at Sophie, who’s scowling at me. I notice how she’s chewing on the side of her cheek, probably so she doesn’t tell my ass off, but considering the way I’m treating them, I deserve it.

I expect them to make a smartass comment about how I give them whiplash with my mood swings, but neither of them do.

They’d be right, of course. Being so close to Sophie, smelling her in my house long after she’s gone, fucks with my head.

I’m constantly reminding myself that she doesn’t deserve my wrath, so I purposely keep my distance. It’s for her own good.

“Maybe I should move in, considering your third bedroom is available now that your mysterious roommate has moved out,” Maddie singsongs. The girl is relentless.

“I’d move out before either of you could move in.” I take a swig of my beer and try to ignore them.

“What the hell is your problem?” Liam barks. I can tell he’s pissed by the way I’m acting, but I kind of don’t give two shits about it. Instead of arguing with him, I finish my beer, then go grab another one. While I’m twisting the top, I overhear Maddie chatting with Sophie.

“Have you gotten any more messages on your dating app?”

The question freezes me in my tracks. Why the fuck is she on a dating app?

Sophie doesn’t need that. Nothing but perverts and players hang out on those.

I toss the cap in the trash and then pull the bottle of tequila from the cabinet.

Without bothering to pour it in a shot glass, I take a swig. This day just keeps getting better.

“I haven’t been paying attention to it, honestly. Most of them are weird as hell,” she admits, and it makes me grin. How fucking selfish am I?

A part of me feels as if I’ve pushed her to this because I refused to give her a chance although it’s for her own benefit.

If only I could look outside my own bullshit, but I don’t like me very much, so why would I expect her to?

Sophie needs a man who doesn’t have issues—someone who can love her unconditionally, wholeheartedly—and right now, I can’t be that man. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.

Once the alcohol swarms through me, I walk back to the living room and try not to pay attention to anything they’re saying about dates and guys.

I focus on the TV I can’t hear because they’re being way too loud.

Though I have questions, I keep them to myself, not wanting to act like a jealous ex or something.

Maddie’s voice lowers. “I think you should go for it. You’re hot as hell.” Her voice grows louder as she continues. “There’s bound to be someone out there for you who isn’t afraid to commit.”

That’s a direct jab toward me, which I more than deserve. Sophie promised she’d keep what happened between us, but I often wonder if her sisters know. Especially by the way Maddie’s staring at me right now.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask because I wasn’t paying attention. I’d zoned out again.

“I asked if you were on a dating app too?” Maddie smirks, knowing damn well I’m not.

A roar of laughter escapes from Liam, and all I can do is flip him off.

I narrow my eyes and scoff. “Too many people are serial daters on those apps. Don’t have time for that.”

A blush hits Sophie’s cheeks, and I wish I could tell her about the way I’ve felt since the moment I laid eyes on her.

I wish I could speak candidly and put it all out on the line, but in the end, I know I’d just hurt her.

It’s who I am, and she deserves better. She sure as fuck deserves better than some dude on Tinder too.

I drink my beer, feeling the alcohol flow through my veins while the ceiling seems to close in on me.

I stand and go to the kitchen to grab another drink. When I turn around, Sophie stands with her hands on her hips, not allowing me to avoid her this time.

“What’s your deal?” she asks boldly.

I glare at her, studying her chestnut eyes while her mouth purses in a firm line.

“Nothing,” I say.

“Nothing,” she whisper-hisses. “Nothing? You’ve obviously got an issue with me being here or perhaps just me in general.”

Her frustration causes me to chuckle.

“I don’t have an issue with you, Soph.”

“Then Maddie?”

I shake my head and lean against the counter. “I’ve had a shitty day.”

She helps herself to the fridge and pops open a can of soda, then starts drinking it. “So I guess every day I’m around, it’s a shitty day then? Because that’s what it seems like.”

I can see her pulse ticking rapidly in her neck and can only imagine how much courage it took for her to confront me.

Though she’s sassy as sin and usually speaks her mind, this is a bolder side she’s showing.

One I really like. When it comes to me, she typically holds back.

One day, I wish she’d just give it to me—tell me off and say how much she hates me—so then I can bury these dangerous emotions I’ve kept at bay, forget about her, and forget about what happened.

Though I’d never be able to forget her.

“No,” I croak out. “Not exactly.” Sophie is like a ray of sunshine on my dark, stormy days, and she has no idea I use my asshole ways to hide behind my true feelings.

With pursed lips, she tilts her head at me, giving me a chance to explain myself, but I don’t.

“Are we done here?” I ask. “Kinda tired of the interrogation.”

“Wow. You really are an asshole,” she barks as I walk past her, not wanting to be alone with her any longer. I go back to the living room, and Maddie’s looking at me with a big ass grin.

“Did you just kiss my sister?” she whisper-shouts.

Liam chuckles, which only annoys me further.

“What, why? Did you two make out while we were gone?” I snap back.

Maddie’s smile fades, and she stiffens. I look back and forth between them with a cocked eyebrow and neither finds it funny.

“That’s what I thought.” Just as I’m getting ready to add fuel to the fire, Sophie returns, and I can tell she’s pissed. I know I’m to blame, but I tell myself it’s better this way. I’ve said it so many times over the past two years that even I’m beginning to believe it.

The thoughts of her being with someone else consume me.

Closing my eyes, I envision her kissing or sleeping with another man, and it frustrates the fuck out of me.

Liam turns on a movie, some stupid chick flick, and though I don’t understand why he subjects himself to this shit, I’m grateful for the distraction.

He’s not dating either one of them and, as far as I know, doesn’t plan on it.

Typically, movies like this are date movies where you get laid after, but that isn’t happening for anyone in this room.

When another cheesy line is said, I let out a groan, and Maddie jerks her head in my direction with a scoff.

You’d think I told her dancing was stupid by the way she’s acting.

The truth is, we should be watching explosions and gun fights, not this romantic comedy shit.

Finally, I can’t take it anymore and leave.

Once I’m in my room, I shut the door behind me and sit on the edge of my bed. I scrub my hands over my face, trying to get a hold of myself because my control seems to be slipping, and I know they’re all annoyed by me and my asshole attitude.

After a few deep breaths, I walk to my closet and pull out a shoebox I keep tucked in the back. It’s been a few years since I’ve opened the box full of memories—some good and some bad. Even looking inside is torturous, but I have to, especially after today.

I set it on the nightstand next to my bed and pry off the lid.

Instantly all the old thoughts come rushing back, nearly paralyzing me where I sit.

With an erratic heartbeat, I grab a photo of Emma and me when we were happy.

One of those genuine moments when everything was right in the world.

There’s another photo of us on Valentine’s Day along with a few movie tickets and doodles she drew me.

I can’t seem to take my eyes off the picture of us, laughing and smiling.

I stare until my eyes cross. With blurred vision, I place the top on the box and put it back.

Looking inside that box brings an old familiar weight on my chest, and I’m nearly gasping for air.

When I close my eyes, the only person I see is Sophie.

Just knowing she’s downstairs has me wanting to get out of bed so I can talk to her, open myself up and let my emotions bleed out with no consequences, but it would be pointless.

Maybe looking for love on one of those stupid apps would be the best thing for her, after all.

I’m gonna have to accept that she’ll meet guys, and not interfere, regardless of how I feel.