Page 59 of Between Never and Forever

“I came back,” I whispered out.

“It was too late.” No man could peel away the layers that Dex did when he looked at me like he was at that moment. I couldn’t hide from his gaze, couldn’t stop the connection between us even if I wanted to. “And still, you’re standing here, fucking beautiful as ever, and I might just fuck you if I don’t leave. I might lose control. I need to know, when I do, that you’ll be able to handle it. So, we’ll see. Go to your mic checks tomorrow. Go to rehearsals. Three hours a day. No more. See how you handle having that in you throughout. Cleaning supplies are in the drawer.”

“And what? That’s going to prove I can handle you?”

“It’ll be a start.” He rubbed at his chin and took a step back from me. He was always distancing us from each other. I knew it was self-preservation and him controlling every aspect of the situation, but I’d started to spiral.

I’d experienced things already so new and blindingly good that I couldn’t understand how I’d let my record label do what they’d done for so long. “I’m going to prove myself, Dex. Prove to you that I’m exactly like I was but not at all who I used to be. I’m going to prove I can handle this venue, and I’m going to prove to everyone that I can make it singing my own songs.”

“Heartbreaker, you think I’m doubting you?” He tilted his head.

“I know you are. But after we’re done with this first step, you’re doing what I want. And that means you’re cleaning out the items you’ve used with other women. If you’re going to be a jealous, possessive ass with me, you can expect it in return.”

“I’mthe jealous one?” he balked.

“I didn’t go out with your brother tonight. I went out with Olive—and that was it. Maybe next time you should check your cameras if you want to be right.” With that, I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bathroom, ball still clenched tight enough in me that I felt every stride I took. I felt his words too.

“Don’t tempt me into watching your every move, Kee, because God knows I’d enjoy it.” He slammed the door behind him, and I stood there thinking I was twisted in the head because I knew…

I’d enjoy it too.

ChapterTwenty-One

KEELANI

After my shower that night,I pulled the chain of the Ben Wa ball to get it out of me, fascinated that such a little thing that didn’t move could have my body keyed up so much. The water drops from the shower were harder, the heat more intense, the way the water dripped down my body more sensual.

And because Dex had insinuated I couldn’t handle the sensation, I tried to ignore it. Ignored the feeling of wanting to slide my hands between my legs, of wanting to indulge in nothisshower, but mine.

Yet, even washing my hair felt erotic, rubbing the soap over my body had me gasping, and when I dragged my hand between my thighs, I whimpered.

The ball was powerful.

Or I was weak.

Somehow, just a small thing could shine light on all the big things wrong with me, how much I didn’t know about myself, how much I avoided, how much I was letting pass me by. I immediately slipped the ball out of me, ran it under hot water at the sink, went to the stupid drawer he’d directed me to before he’d exited, and used the cleaning supplies in there.

He’d left me to look at the rest of the things, and my eyes drifted over the other gold Ben Wa balls. Vibrators. Beads. Handcuffs. Sex toys I didn’t even know the names of. I didn’t need to.

I slammed the drawer shut and closed my eyes as I breathed in deep.

How many were in here? How many had he enjoyed while I thought of him? It made me want to be reckless, want to cause him pain, want to retaliate. Didn’t he know we’d belonged to each other over the years, even if we hadn’t? Had he hated me that much?

And did he think another woman would be as connected to him as me? That question hurt the most. He’d saved my life. He’d been in that car and told me he had me. It may have changed every part of our lives, but he’d also imprinted himself on my heart.

In the deep recesses of my mind, Dex was still mine. And if I had to be his, he’d need to know what that meant.

I ripped the drawer back open and yanked at the velvet lining until it tore from the drawer. I used it to wrap every single toy up—except for my Ben Wa ball—and then I went and threw them in the bathroom trash.

That night, I texted him.

Me: I got rid of your sex toys for you. You’re welcome.

Dex: Getting bolder in that fiancée role of yours.

Me: Coming from the guy who gave me a Ben Wa ball.

Dex: You know how to spell it, huh? You must have researched it then.