Page 8 of Between Hello and Goodbye

“Cynthia and I have discussed this at length,” Terrance continued. “We’d love nothing better than to make you partner. But given your questionable work ethic…well, it leaves us in a tight spot.”

“Terry, what are you saying?”

“You’re going to take a leave of absence. Two weeks. I’ll have Frank handle your clients.”

He sat back and I could see him bracing himself for my protests. I imagined I’d have a hundred ready to sell him, but my mind was blank.

“Okay,” I said after a minute.

Terrance was too refined to gape, but his eyes widened. “Okay?”

“I’m lazy and spoiled and untrustworthy.”

Especially to myself.

“I’m listening,” Terrance said slowly, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers.

I nodded absently as an idea formed, growing the same way it did when I had a winning idea for an ad campaign—one piece at a time. A mosaic, until I could see the whole. I needed a mental spring-cleaning so I could put the chaos of my life into some kind of order. I needed to go somewhere and sit still for a change. Quiet my mind and try to find some equilibrium.

“I’ll take the two weeks and go somewhere remote. Somewhere beautiful and…spiritual.” I nearly gagged on the word. “I’ll get my head on straight and come back a new person.”

“I like your enthusiasm, Faith, but problems don’t just magically change with the geography. You take them with you.”

“That’s not entirely true. Addicts go to rehab. People take safaris or go to ashrams in India or wander around ancient ruins to try to find their purpose again. A mental reset. I know it sounds like my usual bullshit, but I woke up this morning and wished I wasn’t…” I glanced down at my hands. “I can’t keep going like this.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Terrance said. “Because neither can we. We’d hate to see you go, but we have to do what’s best for the integrity of the company, not just its bottom line. Consider these two weeks an investment. When you return, be prepared to have a serious conversation about your future with this company. Decide what it is you trulywant.”

The rebuke stung my ego and wounded my pride, but to be fair, I hadn’t given him much choice.

I stood up and straightened my jacket.

“Got it, boss. I won’t let you down.”

“You’re goingwhere?”

That night, Silas Marsh sprawled his six-foot-two frame on my bed. My best friend leaned on one elbow and watched me throw clothes in an open Louis Vuitton bag.

“Hawaii,” I said. “Kauai, specifically. I did a lot of research, and I think it’s perfect. Kauai is the smallest, remotest island, but it’s not a million miles away.”

“But it’s stillHawaii.” He chuckled. “Your solution for working harder is to take a vacation? Sounds on par for you.”

“Itisa vacation,” I said, tossing silk underwear and bras into the bag. “A working vacation. Working on me. I need to do this. I need to get away from the booze and parties and be…better.”

“Can’t you be better in Seattle?”

“Not surrounded by all the same stuff that gets me in trouble. Not living here, in this condo thatyoubought for me.”

Silas arched a brow, playfully. “This is new. You didn’t seem all that bothered when you asked for it.”

“Well, it bothers me now,” I said, storming into the bathroom to pack toiletries.

“What brought all this on?” Silas called.

“My boss wants to make me partner,” I said, returning to the bedroom. “Or fire me. They could go either way.”

Silas’s confused frown returned. “Congratulations?”

“I don’t know if I want it. I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure. And he knows I don’t know what I want, and so he’s forced me to take a leave of absence to figure it out.” I stopped my whirlwind packing and dropped my hands to the side. “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, Si.”