Page 12 of Benedict’s Rejuvenation (Dark Patriots #5)

“It’s stress. And stop avoiding the topic. I need to hear your answer to my question, Kensy.”

“Wasn’t that kiss an answer?” she countered.

“No. Words are needed. You know that. Consent and communication are key. I need the words so there can be no misunderstanding. Am I a man you find attractive? One that you might be able to have a meaningful, sexual relationship with one day?”

I watched her anxiety grow, which made mine increase. I was about to tell her she didn’t have to answer me when she finally did.

“Yes, I find you attractive, very attractive, Ben. More than any guy I’ve met.

However, the other part is what makes me nervous.

I don’t know if I can have that with anyone.

And if I can’t, that will only hurt both parties.

I need to know, since words are necessary.

Do you find me attractive as a woman? One you could see being in the same kind of relationship with? ”

“Without a doubt. I already see you that way. I have never felt this intensely for someone, Kensy. It’s scary for me, but not the sex part. I believe you’re more than capable of having a physical relationship. When? That’ll depend on you. It could be six months from now, a year, or five years.”

“God Ben, I can’t ask you to hang around on a hope for years!

And I couldn’t stand to know that if you did, you’d be having sex with other women.

But if I can’t meet your needs, you have no choice.

Or do you only want a physical relationship and nothing more from me?

If it’s sex only, then I’m not like that.

I can’t sleep with you just to get off, or share you with others.

I don’t think you’ve thought this through. ”

She shifted her gaze to outside the window. We were twisted in the front seat, so we were able to see each other. The flash of pain when she spoke of other women and sharing was evident. I reached over and snagged one of her hands. She tugged to get away, but I held on.

“I need you to look at me,” I told her.

“I can’t. You should take us home. We’re tired, and it’ll give you time to consider this. I didn’t mean to spring anything heavy on you.”

“I’m not ready to go home. Let me ask you. Was tonight the first time you thought about the two of us being together, or have you done so before now? How long have you thought about us, if it’s not new?”

“Wow, you don’t want much, do you? You’re asking me to bare everything, aren’t you?” she said sharply.

“I don’t expect you to be the only one who does.

I hadn’t planned to talk to you about this until later.

I wasn’t sure when, but since it came up, here goes.

I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but from the moment I saw you, I found myself attracted to you, Kensy.

It was the wrong place, time, and everything else for having such thoughts about a woman, but it happened.

I saw this incredibly hurt yet fierce woman who showed outward beauty and was even more gorgeous inside.

“I’ve been falling under your spell for six months.

I vowed that I would be here in whatever capacity you needed—a friend, a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, you name it.

I hoped that one day, when you were ready, you’d be able to see me as more than that.

I won’t lie. It’s damn hard to hold back, but hiding how I feel about you has made it the most difficult.

I never want it to be mere sex between us, Kensy.

And I sure don’t plan on fucking other women, no matter how long it takes for you to be prepared to take that step with me. ”

Kensy’s mouth was open, and she gazed at me in wonder. “Are you sure? Ben, please, don’t say this if you don’t mean it. Yes, it’ll hurt to know there’s no hope for more than friendship between us, but nothing like it’ll hurt if you don’t mean it.”

“I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

“Oh God, I have been fighting and telling myself that it was wrong for me to be attracted to you in any way. It’s only been six months.

I’m not fully recovered from what happened.

Honestly, in some ways, I never will be.

However, Iolani told me there are no rules about how long it should take.

It’s based on the individual. She advised me to talk to you, and if you were like-minded, to take it a step at a time and go at the pace I can handle.

I didn’t dare hope that you felt more than friendship for me.

The thought of you being with women these past several months has been torture. ”

“You have no idea how fucking happy you just made me. I’ve got to ask. Can I have another kiss?” I asked her desperately.

Her smile lit up the damn car. “I insist on it.”

Our mouths came crashing back together. I let myself be a tad more aggressive this time. I gripped her jaw to direct her. I waited to see if it was too much, but she clung to me tightly. Teeth, tongues, and lips were active on both sides, and the kiss lasted for a long time before she ended it.

“Did we just agree to see if we can move from friends to more?” she asked huskily.

“Goddamn, we did. And I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. What doesn’t make me happy is the thought of you living alone, baby. I know you’re tough, but I’ll worry about you constantly if I don’t know someone is there to ensure you’re alright.”

“Ben, many times when Beau is gone and Keeley is working, I’m alone. Sometimes it can be overnight. I appreciate you wanting me to be safe, but there are no guarantees.”

“I know. But I’ve seen too much ugliness, and not just your case. At least with your sister and Beau, someone lays eyes on you no less than every other day. You move out, that won’t happen.”

“True, but I need my privacy and independence. I don’t need a babysitter, and I’m not running an ad for a roommate. I can see that being suggested. Iolani and I talked. She agrees with me. If it fails and I can’t stand to live alone, then I’ll address that when it happens.”

Her roommate’s remark caused a thought to come to mind. I didn’t voice it. I’d have to work out the details before telling her my thoughts. I knew I wasn’t winning this one, nor would her family. Kensington’s tough side was showing.

“Okay, we’ll shelve this for now. I can see your mind is set.

I think we should go back and let them know we’re good and see if they have other arguments.

Then we’ll get some sleep, and tomorrow, I want you to show me your new place and tell me all about the job.

These next three days will fly by. I want to spend it all with you. ”

“I want the same thing. I want to ask one thing. Can we keep the change between us, to ourselves, for now? I don’t want to hit them with both at the same time. It won’t be for long. Just enough to get them used to my moving out, and then we’ll tell them the rest.”

I wanted to tell everyone, but I saw her point and had agreed to go at her pace, so I nodded.

“Whatever you need.”

That sealed it. On the drive back to the house, we held hands and talked about things that meant the most to us. We were moving in the right direction. I could live with that. But the second she gave me the green light, I would shout it to everyone.