Page 10 of Benedict’s Rejuvenation (Dark Patriots #5)

The past six months have been some of my life’s best and worst days.

The best was because I met Kensy, grew to be her friend, and watched her fight and win so many battles on her long road to recovery.

I could spend time with her and talk, and never get bored.

We’d grown so close that being away from her hurt.

It was that closeness that created some of the worst moments.

My initial attraction to her in that cabin on that horrific night had continued to grow. Yes, I was her friend, and I loved that I was, just like she was my friend. We spoke about everything, except my past and secret feelings for her.

Kensington Mills had no clue that I was in love with her.

It wasn’t mere physical attraction, though she bewitched me.

I desired her more intensely than any woman in my past. I craved her in every way.

I detested when I had to be away from her, especially when I wasn’t working but couldn’t be in Montana.

She invaded my dreams, and I thought of her throughout the day.

When I was out taking apart businesses and people like those in Vadzim Boyko’s former operation, I relished it.

I got more satisfaction from it than when I eliminated similar people and operations in the past. It was because of her.

I wanted no one to suffer what she did. I was doing it for Kensy.

I prayed that with each one, I helped her take another step in her recovery.

I’d seen tremendous growth but knew she had more to go.

The problem was that it was becoming increasingly difficult to be around her without confessing my true feelings.

Or to do more than hold her hand, hug, or kiss her cheek.

I worried about her when I was gone, but I knew she was safe in Beau and Keeley’s house and care.

Or she was until tonight’s revelation. There was no way in hell I could handle her living alone.

I didn’t care if it was in the same town as her sister.

What if someone broke in? Or someone at her new job became fixated on her, and no one was nearby to warn the fucker off, or kill his ass if necessary? I had to talk her out of this while keeping my inner yearnings to myself. It wasn’t time.

She’d made progress. Her nervousness around men had decreased.

She would allow certain ones, like me, Beau, Reed, Arnie, or Dickie to touch her and give her a platonic kiss without flinching away.

Her therapy sessions were down to twice a week, which meant her therapist believed she was better.

But she wasn’t ready after six months to get romantically involved with a man—with me.

And the lesser niggling doubt was—what if she wasn’t ever ready, or she couldn’t see me as more than a platonic friend?

I was the most doubtful about the more-than-a-friend part versus the never-ready-for-an-intimate-relationship part.

Kensy was a fighter. She would make it there.

I brought her to one of our favorite spots, so we could talk freely without worrying that something she said might hurt her sister’s feelings.

We could have privacy if she wanted to discuss things she didn’t want to share with her sister.

Kensy had shared a few of those with me in the past. One was her jealousy that Keeley had someone special, and Kensy didn’t.

Or feared she wouldn’t. I assured her she would, and had to fight to keep from blurting out that the man who wanted her was right there.

After stating my objective and asking if she was agreeable, I tried not to hold my breath, waiting for her answer.

She didn’t answer immediately. She thought it through.

That was one thing about her, one of many that I liked.

She was a thinker, not just a jumper. But it didn’t stop her from being spontaneous when warranted.

I’d pointed it out to her once, and she informed me it was new for her to pause and not just react.

It was something Iolani was teaching her.

“Yes, it’s agreeable, Ben. Go ahead, I’m listening,” she said calmly.

God, the sound of her voice made my body tighten with desire. Yet it could soothe me when I was stressed or upset. I took her hand in mine. I wanted to touch her.

“You claimed that you’re denying Beau and Keeley privacy, holding them back from living where they want and from marriage.

You want to be independent again. And you’re concerned that you’re somehow making me, out of pity or friendship with Beau, spend my free time here with you.

I’ve got to ask. Have we said or done something that makes you believe those things? ”

She shook her head before answering. “No, none of you have said or indicated those to be true, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t.

Come on, Ben, think about it. My sister and Beau had barely met before they fell in love.

While they were doing so, they were searching for me.

Then they have me thrust into their private home time.

They can’t just hang out and be together all the time.

“I try to stay out of their way and in my room, but they feel compelled to ask me to join them. If I say no, Keeley questions me about whether I’m alright and what’s wrong.

They can’t have a spontaneous, intimate moment in the living room, kitchen, or hall.

They try to include me in all their outside activities.

It has to get old, whether they’ll say it or not.

“I know they want to get married, but Keeley keeps dragging things out. Beau had to move here because she wouldn’t leave me in Montana.

I know he has to miss Virginia. His friends and work are there.

He has a home there. Then there’s you. You’re here the majority of your time off, or so it seems. Your home is there.

How can you have time for a life when you’re always gone?

I won’t be responsible for your friendships and personal life suffering because of me.

I don’t need to be constantly watched. It’s time to stop being a burden and to move on.

That’s what this is. I’m getting on with my life, so you, Keeley, and Beau can do the same. ”

As she talked, I grew upset when she began telling me about my life and how she was affecting it. She had no damn idea what she was or wasn’t affecting for me. When she finished her long spiel, I stared hard at her. She squirmed, then stopped. I could feel the tension running through her body.

“I can’t speak for your sister and Beau, though I can say they’ve never indicated to me they feel that you’re slowing down their lives or invading their privacy.

I will, however, speak on my own behalf.

Yes, I’m spending the vast percentage of my off time here in Montana, unless it’s not worth the travel.

For example, I only have a day off. I’d spend the majority of it traveling here and back.

When that’s the case, I stay there. I see my friends during those times, and some, like Heath, work together with me. As for personal relationship time—”

Her hand shot up and covered my mouth. Kensy shook her head. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear about your personal, intimate life. That’s not something you need to share with me. I don’t want to prevent you from having your needs met. Let’s leave it at that.”

When she removed her hand, something pushed me to ask. It was how she said it, and she wouldn’t quite meet my eye when she did.

“Why not? We talk about everything else. Why shouldn’t we talk about this?” I prodded.

“Because…it’s just, I mean, we just shouldn’t. Friends are entitled to keep certain things secret,” she rambled.

“So what you’re telling me is, you’re keeping secrets from me. What? Do you have a man I don’t know about?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, as if. Stop fooling around.”

“No, I want to learn what we should keep secret. Is there someone you’d like to be in an intimate relationship with? When you moved here, did you leave a man behind? Or have you met someone since you’ve come back?”

The thought that she had and was pining for someone angered me.

I wanted to be the man she desired. What if this moving out was so he could come into the picture?

Whether the man was past or present, I had to hold on to my need to vent.

I’d worked so hard to hide my desire for her.

Had I waited too long, assuming she wasn’t ready, only to have someone sneak in and steal her out from underneath me?

“Stop teasing me, Ben. You know there’s no man.

Since you want to be so honest, here goes.

I don’t think whoever you fuck is happy that you have to run off and spend the majority of your free time with the poor, pitiful, abused woman whom you don’t have a single connection to other than through Beau.

She or maybe they have to hate my guts and want me to die!

” she snapped. Kensy came to her feet. “I’m done talking about this. Let’s go.”

She turned her back on me and stepped toward the path.

Without thinking, I was up and on her. I grabbed her upper arms and twirled her around to face me.

Kensy gasped in surprise. I yanked her closer and circled her with my arms. She didn’t fight to get away, but she did stare up at me with her mouth open. I surprised her.

“How do I know there’s no man? I’m gone most of the time. Maybe when I am, he’s hanging with you. Just because Beau and Kensy haven’t said anything doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. What does he think of you spending time with me? Of me cutting him out of time with you?”

“You’re ridiculous! There’s no man. And if one knew what I’d gone through, he’d run for the hills,” she snapped.

“Why would he run?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t say what I thought she might. We’d skimmed over the things done to her. She’d kept the details to herself.