Page 30 of Beg the Night (Mystics of Ashora #1)

THIRTY

athena

I had known chaos. I would say my entire life had been one long stream of chaos, actually. But what I felt after we jumped? It took that term to an entire new level.

We landed on solid ground with a thud. There was a crack, but because of the adrenaline coursing through me, I couldn’t tell whether I was hurt or whether the sound came from someone else.

At the sound of a scream, I had my answer. It was a deep voice. Benedict, maybe?

Sinner’s shadows pulsed against my palm. I opened myself to them like he taught me and let them cloud around my body, then Margaret’s. I wasn’t concerned that they’d hurt us. I knew now that they had a mind of their own.

And they protected their family.

I blinked, willing my vision to clear, desperate for the world to stop spinning.

Sinner pulled his hand away from mine, and an instant later, a second scream echoed off the trees.

This time it was Katherine.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Sinner pinned her to the ground with a hand to her throat and screamed into her face.

Beside them, Benedict dropped to his knees.

“Oh my god.” Margaret and I rushed to help him. “You’ll be fine,” I said, though I had no clue whether that was anywhere close to the truth. Especially when I caught sight of the dagger protruding from his stomach, right above his belly button. “It’s nothing.”

His face had drained of all color. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed.

“Don’t be.” Margaret was already tearing away a piece of her shirt and applying pressure to the wound. “We’re going to pull this out and you’ll be fine, okay? It’s going to be fine.”

Her words sounded oddly confident. Sinner was still shouting in my sister’s face. She, in turn, was blabbering self-righteously.

“We can’t do this!” she screamed. “We can’t!”

“Well, it’s too fucking late for that, isn’t it!” Sinner’s voice echoed off the trees around us.

Margaret gripped the handle of the dagger and pulled, and instantly, more blood gushed from the wound.

“Get over here and heal him!” I yelled.

Katherine barked a laugh. “He can’t help you! Nobody can!”

My stomach lurched. “He’s your claimed!! Why the hell would you do that?”

Her own claimed. She actually stabbed the man she was bonded to in order to stop us from jumping.

“You can take her power, right?” I asked Benedict.

His eyes had gone hazy, his head wobbling.

“Benedict, listen. You can use her healing power since the two of you are bonded.”

Katherine laughed, though the sound was cut off when Sinner put pressure on her throat.

“Not unless she lets me.” Benedict coughed, and blood seeped down his chin. “She’s had her power shut off from me since we performed the ceremony. I can’t access it if she doesn’t want me to.”

What? I turned my attention to Katherine and Sinner. He was waiting for the signal to kill her. I knew that look.

It was a look far past anger. Far past fury.

“Heal him.” I marched over to where she was splayed out on the dirt.

Sinner backed away enough so I could tower over her.

“Heal him,” I gritted out. “He is your claimed.”

She sputtered another laugh, and I kicked her in the ribs to shut her up.

“It’s too late.” She rolled to her side, grimacing. “Good luck freeing anyone without him. You’re stuck. You’re all stuck.”

Benedict slumped against Margaret, who pressed the cloth harder against the wound. Not that it did much good. He was losing blood far too quickly.

“Athena,” she cried out. “He needs help.”

Benedict coughed again, blood spattering the ground in front of him. “It’s okay,” he breathed. “You don’t need me. I was just going to speed up the process, remember?”

“We do need you.” Margaret shook him. “Who else is going to keep me company when these two are off saving the world?”

My chest tightened. No, no, no. I hadn’t felt like this in a very, very long time. This desperate.

And feeling desperate was a very dangerous thing.

Eyes locked with Sinner’s, I silently pleaded for him to understand.

I pleaded for everyone to understand.

“Katherine.” I knelt so my face was only inches from hers.

Immediately, her manic smile evaporated.

“Heal him.”

The words were more than a command.

My power came to life, thick and palpable in the air.

Head shaking, she dug her heels into the dirt, trying to scramble away. There was nowhere she could go, though. Nothing she could do. “No, Athena, don’t?—”

“Heal him.”

My body buzzed as I let that magic flow out of me, as I let that animal out of its cage. Heal him. Heal him. Heal him. I looked at her as I played the vision out in my mind. I pictured her kneeling before her claimed, using her power to heal him.

Katherine was in the middle of another protest when she went rigid and the words died on her tongue.

She couldn’t fight me. Not when I had already seen it in my mind.

She pushed herself onto her knees and crawled to Benedict.

Without another moment of hesitation, she held her hands over his wound and began to heal him.

Margaret cursed beneath her breath, but I ignored the reaction. I kept my focus fixed on Katherine. I let my emotion pour into the magic. It was unlike anything I had ever felt. Far different from when I had used my power in the past.

Previously, it had been like drawing from a shallow well. Its limits well-defined. My fear at the forefront of my mind.

But now? Now, I was unstoppable.

Sinner slipped his hand into mine. He didn’t pull me away, though.

No, he let his magic pour into me, too, giving me his strength as I commanded Katherine to heal against her will.

I didn’t stop until Benedict slumped in relief and his breathing came easier.

“Athena,” Sinner whispered. “She’s done.”

His voice echoed off the corners of my mind.

“Now back away from him.”

Face blank, Katherine obeyed my orders, a mindless slave under my control.

“Stay there.”

When she came to a stop several feet away from Benedict, I finally released my hold on her and the world came crashing back to me, the silo that was my power now merging with my surroundings.

Benedict tucked his chin, breathing heavily as he examined his now healed wound.

Margaret stared at me, eyes wide. “Holy. Shit.”

When I turned to look at Sinner, his irises were almost black, his expression unreadable.

“Athena,” he breathed.

I shook free of his hold and backed up. I didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t have to tell me how dangerous my gift was.

He didn’t need to say it out loud. I already knew. Fuck. I controlled minds.

And that was much worse than the ability to kill.

No longer under the hold of my magic, Katherine laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

“You really thought you were getting better, didn’t you? You thought you were no longer a monster?”

“Monster?” Margaret stood and stepped forward. “You’re the one who stabbed him, Katherine! What the actual hell!”

She looked from Margaret to Sinner, the manic smile returning. “Did you see that? She took away my free will!”

Margaret scoffed. “She saved his life!”

Sinner pressed a hand to my lower back. “You’re lucky she didn’t do much worse. You deserve nothing less than death.”

“Are you all insane?!” My sister flung her arms out. “You have no idea what she can really do! You have no idea what it’s like to have your free will stripped from you!”

I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t allow myself to think about what I’d done.

Sinner’s shadows spread along the ground, between our legs and around us, lapping up at Katherine’s feet like hungry dogs ready for a feed.

Sinner’s shadows.

But Sinner wasn’t controlling them.

No, they were coming from me.

He was letting me wield his shadows.

“You hurt any of us again and you’ll meet the fate you deserve.”

“Do you think what Benedict said was true?”

Sinner and I sat alone near a shallow stream as the moon rose above us.

He turned and assessed me, his lips pressed together. “Which part?”

“The part about only being able to use Katherine’s magic if she lets him.”

He shrugged, but kept his focus set on the water. “It’s possible, but it seems unnatural. It would be very hard for me to shut my magic off from you.”

“Can you feel mine?” I asked. “I can feel your phantoms.” I held my hand up and watched them coil around my fingers. “It’s almost like they want me to wield them.”

Sinner smiled without looking up. “Yeah, they’re manic little things. They don’t like to sit still. Ever since I announced that I would claim you, they’ve been pushing their limits trying to get to you.”

I swallowed. “Can you feel my magic like that? I mean, what does it feel like to you?”

For a long time he was quiet, the only sound the trickling of the stream.

I resigned myself to not getting an answer. That was okay. It was an absurd question, anyway. I couldn’t control my magic. I had only been able to use it to heal Benedict because there was nothing in that moment I wanted more than for him to be well.

It was nothing like Sinner’s shadows. There was no presence to be summoned. It was like…it was like a nightmare coming to life. Could he feel it too? Could he feel how terrible it was to wield, how treacherous it could be?

“It feels like a storm.” His voice blended with the smooth song of the river. “Like something I know is coming but should prepare for.”

My heart thumped painfully against my breastbone, and all words escaped me.

“But it doesn’t feel dark. It isn’t…it isn’t scary. Not to me. I know I could wield it freely if I needed to. If you allowed me to.”

I nodded. “You could probably control it much better than I could, even if I had time to learn how.”

He scoffed. “I doubt that.”

“I’m serious. It may have looked like I had control back there, but I didn’t. If an intrusive thought had wormed its way into my mind while I was using my power, the magic could have made it happen, just like what I did to Katherine. I could have hurt you. I could have hurt Margaret.” Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes, but I sniffed them away. I was tired of crying.

Sinner finally lifted his head from the water and faced me. “Did you not see how incredible you were back there?”

My heart stumbled. “What? I?—”

“Benedict would be dead if it weren’t for you. You do know that, right?”

I shook my head. “He got lucky. Things could have gone very, very wrong. I could’ve?—”

“But you didn’t.” He leaned in until I could smell the light scent of lavender soap wafting from him. “Every time I let my phantoms out, I risk hurting someone. They can kill. You’ve seen it. You feel it. The difference between this?” He held his hands between us until a small tendril tickled my face. “And instant death? It has nothing to do with control. It’s all about intent.”

My breath hitched. “You learned to control your powers years ago. I’ve had one day of practice.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s your power. Yours. It will bend to you. You are its god. Not the other way around.”

I picked at my fingernails, at a loss for how to make him understand.

“If I were you,” he whispered, “I would have killed her a long time ago.”

A laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. Damn, it felt good.

“Trust me, I’ve come close. She was lucky she wasn’t around when I?—”

I snapped my mouth shut before I went any further. The other times I killed.

“You’re not as terrible as I thought you were when I met you,” he said.

I glanced up at the truth in his words, frowning. “You didn’t know anything about me then.”

“I’m great at reading people. But you surprised me.”

I tried and failed to hold back a laugh.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s just.” I choked on another fit of laughter. “Great at reading people.”

For a second, he stiffened, and my heart sank. I was sure I’d pissed him off. Hurt him by joking about his insecurity.

But before I could formulate an apology, he reached down and splashed water in my face.

With a squeal, I scrambled away.

He followed, his hands cupped and full of water. He tossed it at me as I pushed myself to my feet, still giggling.

I turned, ready to run, but before I’d made it a step, he caught me, spinning me around and hoisting me off my feet in one strong movement.

“Stop!” I laughed. “Stop it right now! Put me down!”

“Oh, you think this is funny?” he whispered, his breath against my neck sending a shudder down my spine.

He flexed his fingers, tickling my sides.

“No! No, it’s not funny at all!” I only laughed harder.

The clearing of a throat stopped us dead. Heart pounding, I turned. Sinner came with me, still holding me tight, though the grip had turned protective.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Margaret said. “Benedict is looking for you, Elijah.”

The breath left my lungs in one relieved whoosh.

With a nod, Sinner sidestepped me. Though he peered over his shoulder, giving me one last look that promised he would finish what he started later.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling like an idiot. I couldn’t possibly have feelings for him. It would never work between us. I was too complicated. Too unlovable.

And he was…well, he was Sinner. A tier three. A soldier who would do anything for his sister.

“You call him Elijah?” I asked when he was out of earshot.

Margaret glanced back to where her brother disappeared into the woods. “That’s a long story. He’s Sinner to everyone else, but he’ll always only be Elijah to me. Even if it pisses him off. It’s nice to see you two getting along, though. He doesn’t get along with anyone, actually. Anyone but me.”

I fought a smile. “I noticed that. How did you end up so friendly when he’s so…”

“Antisocial?”

Another laugh escaped me. “I was going to say selective. But yes.”

She kicked at a stick, smiling. “He wasn’t always this way. He used to be as crazy as me.”

“Sinner? Crazy? I hardly believe that.”

“It’s true.” She crossed her arms and stopped, her lips tugging down in a frown. “He’s protective of me now, but only because he blames himself.”

Trepidation threaded through me at the sadness in her tone. “Blames himself for what?”

She took a breath and kicked at the dirt. “When we were kids—well, I guess he was a teenager then—our father was on one of his rampages. He usually took his anger out on Elijah, but this time, he wasn’t there. Not at first.”

My stomach dropped. Mags was usually so lighthearted and soft. Hearing the hardness in her voice felt so wrong.

“He wanted me to be strong like him. He yelled, telling me to prove myself, to show him what I could do. He looked down on me because I wasn’t a tier three.” She huffed a dark laugh. “I’m not even close. Anyway, he didn’t like what he saw. He thought if I went through the claiming, I would get stronger.”

No. No, no, no.

“He tied me up. I tried to block it all out. I was so young then, I had no idea what the claiming even was. And I was so confused.” Her hands were balled into tight fists at her sides, her knuckles white. “But Elijah showed up, thank god, and he stopped it. It was the first time he had ever killed anyone of his own free will.”

My stomach lurched. “Sinner killed your father?”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I wish he would have done it long before then. Not for me, I would have been fine. But he wasn’t.” Her voice wavered. “He hasn’t been fine for a long, long time. You call him Sinner, because that’s the name he chose for himself after what he did. But I’ll never, ever call him that. He knows it, too. He’ll always be Elijah to me, even if he pretends Elijah is dead.”

I closed the distance between us and pulled her into a tight hug. Oh, Margaret.

“It’s nice to see him with you. I wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with himself after the claiming. Not if you…well…he’d never force himself on anyone. Not after what he saw. Not after what he’d been through.”

My throat stung. “He’d do anything to protect you. And now, so would I. Even if you are a little crazy at times.”

She smiled up at me, the look as refreshing and sweet as ever. Only now that I’d had this glimpse into her past, I could see what she hid beneath that smile. Happiness wasn’t so easy to come by, not even for her. We all had demons. We were all running from something.

“I’d protect you, too,” she said. “And I know he would. He already has.”

He already has.

What he didn’t know was that he’d never have to protect her on his own again. He would never have to be that monster again, not if he didn’t want to.

I saw through that mask. I saw the real him, the softer him, the damaged him.

And I was not afraid.