Page 27 of Beg the Night (Mystics of Ashora #1)

TWENTY-SEVEN

sinner

“ H ow are we supposed to buy clothes?” Athena asked as we slipped out onto the street. “We don’t have any money and we look horrific.”

I chuckled. “Money isn’t always necessary. I thought you had more skills in society and whatnot?”

Though I kept my focus fixed ahead, I felt her eyes shooting daggers at me.

“What?” she asked, her tone full of defiance. “You plan on selling your body on the streets? Looking like that, you might earn enough to buy one shoe.”

As we navigated down a narrow path, I put a hand on her waist and lowered my head. “Why? Would that bother you?”

She rolled her eyes and stepped out of my reach. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

It was a relief, really, that Athena could joke and sass after everything she’d endured tonight. After everything she’d endured for some time, really. I didn’t want to push her for more information about the deaths of her family members or the power living in her veins. The power she hated so much.

Because I knew exactly what that felt like. I knew what it was like to hate a piece of what fundamentally made a person who they were. Instead of accepting the darkness like I did, she had pushed it away. Locked it in a cage. She had killed her entire family—Katherine aside—though none had happened because she’d actively wanted to do so. She couldn’t control herself. She hadn’t been trained or forced to use her magic every day like I had.

What my father did was nothing short of evil. He made me do things I couldn’t even bear to remember. But being forced to use my powers meant learning to wield them in the way I wanted.

Gifted, they called us. More like cursed.

Of all the men in that damn dungeon, I seemed to be the only one who hated who I was. The others were almost proud of their gifts. Some could move small objects. Read thoughts at will. Teleport, apparently.

But nobody could kill with the shadows that bowed to them.

Death.

That was my gift.

I supposed Athena had been cursed with a version of that gift as well. Though based on the well of power I’d encountered, hers ran far deeper. I’d yet to see what she was truly capable of. Even now that I could taste it, I could sense it more than I ever had before, I could wield it even, if I wanted to, but there was an instinct inside of me to tread lightly.

Athena thought I’d finally discovered her secret. But there was more to it. Facets of it she didn’t even know she was hiding.

“Here,” she said, tugging my arm as we approached a clothing store. She was right about one thing. We looked absolutely insane.

We needed clothes, and damn, Athena needed some shoes. We both did.

She released her hold on me, but before she could step away, I caught her hand and tugged her body to mine. “Follow my lead,” I ordered as we crossed the threshold.

The shop was small, just a few racks of clothes with enough room for us and the shopkeeper who greeted us.

“Welcome,” the woman said. “You two look like you’re in the market for some warmer attire!” She was pretty. Not Athena pretty, but pretty.

“That, we are,” I answered with a smirk.

She blushed and averted her eyes. She was around my age, maybe younger. “W-well,” she stammered, “we have a few things over here that could work out for you and your…” She peered at Athena and paused.

“My sister,” I replied.

Athena hit me with a glare so full of hatred I’m surprised I didn’t drop dead, but I kept the arrogant smile on my face.

We picked out clothing quickly, Athena glowering at me the entire time. I chatted with the shopkeeper, worming my way into her good graces, and by the time we had what we needed, she was happy to let us return later with our payment.

Out on the busy street again, Athena smacked me in the arm. “Are you kidding me! Your sister?”

I fought a smile. “The plan worked, and you know it.”

“Oh, please.” Though she hid behind her sarcasm, anger emanated from her. Maybe I was sick, but I kind of liked that.

I guided her across the cobblestone. “Let’s get back to the inn before Mags wakes up and decides to go make peace with Katherine and Benedict.”

The walk back to the inn was quiet. Peaceful. Even though Athena’s limp was back—and the urge to do the same was hard for me to fight—the night was enjoyable. More than enjoyable. The lights strung across the narrow street created a beautiful glow, illuminating the people we passed. The longer we walked the more obvious it became that the citizens here were actually happy.

It was hard to come to terms with such contentment. Such normalcy. How could life be continuing on like this when I had endured so much? How could so many people be living their lives, smiling, when I could barely breathe?

It felt fucking crushing at times.

Back at the inn, we found Margaret still out cold. Of course. She had always slept soundly. Unbothered. Peaceful.

That, I was thankful for. I would have kept watch over her every night if it meant she could rest without being disturbed by nightmares.

Athena tiptoed farther into the room, clearly not wanting to wake her.

“This way,” I whispered, motioning to the small bathroom on the other side of the room.

She stiffened, looking from me to the closed door and back again.

My mind swarmed with a million questions about her reaction. Damn, I wished I’d manifested the power to read minds.

Before I could ask what the problem was, she tiptoed over to the bathroom door.

I followed her inside and shut the door behind us without a sound.

I dropped our armfuls of clothes on the small white counter next to the sink. The room was small but clean, with a toilet, and a small shower in the corner. It was luxurious compared to the facilities in the dungeons.

Knowing I didn’t have to worry about the dozens of other men walking in on Athena was the greatest part of all of it.

Freedom had some benefits, I supposed.

At least for now.

With her back to me, she turned the nozzle and the water beat down against the tile.

Steam quickly followed, fogging up the small, cracked mirror that hung over the sink.

“You shower first,” she said. “I’ll wait.”

“No, you go. You need it more than I do.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Are you telling me I stink?”

With a harsh inhale, I gave her a once-over. “Athena, you’re covered in mud and blood.”

“And you’re not?”

Annoyance flared in my chest. “Are you always this stubborn?”

“Only when you’re being this annoying.” Eyes narrowed, she assessed me.

Damn, she was an absolute mess. And she was fucking beautiful. With every hour, my power became more responsive to her, more protective. It urged me to reach out, to run a finger down her dirty cheek.

Instead, I balled my fists at my sides and turned toward the door. “Hurry up,” I ordered. “It’ll be light out soon.”

For a few seconds, she didn’t move. For a few seconds, I pictured the way she might step forward, put a hand on my shoulder, force me to face her.

I hadn’t always wanted to be this person. I hadn’t longed to be the cold asshole who brushed her off at every turn. I played games with her. I knew I did. She was confused and vulnerable and she had been through so fucking much, and I’d done nothing but make it worse.

After everything she had been through…

“Fine,” she said. “Don’t turn around.”

I stayed put while she stripped the tatters of her white dress from her body. I fucking hated that dress. It reminded me too much of the Ministry. They’d taken so much from her. From us.

But in the end, they hadn’t broken us. They never would. Athena would have submitted completely during the claiming if it meant freedom.

But at what cost? What was she willing to give up in return for control over her life?

Some freedoms were an illusion. I knew enough to know that.

The sound of the water hitting her body distracted me from my thoughts, allowing the muscles in my shoulders to relax. I slumped against the sink and stared at myself in the steamy bathroom mirror.

I didn’t recognize the person looking back at me.

I’d hated myself for a long, long time. Since long before I met Athena. But somehow the way she smiled at me, the way she looked for me in a crowd and lit up when I was near, made me hate myself even more.

Because she only saw a glimpse of who I really was. Yes, she’d seen the moment I killed my very first childhood friend, but that was only the beginning. Would she ever look at me the same if she knew the truth?

My heart clenched tight enough to make me suck in a breath. Not likely.

People like Athena didn’t belong with people like me. I would only ruin her.

The sound of water falling in the shower kept me steady, kept me here, in this moment. The steam soaked into my skin, the smell of lavender soap inspiring emotions I wouldn’t name.

But fuck if my power didn’t like it all. A lot.

“Sinner?” Athena asked from behind the shower curtain.

“What?”

“Do you feel different now? After the claiming, I mean?”

She shut the water off and snagged a towel off the counter without pulling the curtain back. When she did appear, she’d secured the plush white fabric tightly around her body.

I watched her through the mirror, eyes meeting hers, as she stepped out.

“Different how?”

She shrugged as if she was asking a perfectly casual question. “Anything, really. How do we know it really worked? What if it didn’t? And what if they know that?”

“It worked.”

“How do you know that?”

I couldn’t explain the primal sensation that had developed deep in my bones. My power had been satisfied. Unlocked, really. Unchained. And along with it, she was there. The essence of her. The knowledge that I could wield her power again if I wanted to, the same way she could wield mine.

“Have you tried to use my shadows?” I asked, spinning to face her.

She adjusted the towel around her body. “Try them how?”

“They’re a part of you now.” I dipped my chin. “They’ll protect you. They’ll obey you.”

She lowered her focus to the bath mat, shifting her weight. “I don’t know how to control magic.”

“It doesn’t matter. Will it, and they will obey.”

Her eyes met mine, a turbulent sea of doubt. “I’m not strong enough. I don’t think I?—”

“You’re afraid to use your power. I understand why. But my phantoms? They won’t hurt you. They won’t hurt me, either. You can trust them. You can trust me.”

I reached out and ghosted my fingers down her bare arm.

She shivered, and goose bumps erupted across her chest. “What if I lose control?”

The pit inside me widened, ached to be closer to her. “You won’t.”

She still didn’t believe me. I would have to prove to her that she could trust me.

I let my magic loose, let my shadows pour from my chest and darken the room around us. Athena sucked in a sharp breath.

“See?” I murmured. “They won’t hurt you. I honestly don’t think they would hurt you now even if I wanted them to.”

“Because we’re claimed?”

“Because we’re claimed.”

“You’re saying you can use my power too?” Her wide eyes met mine.

I nodded.

She stepped forward, gripping my biceps, her lips turned down in a pained frown. “Please, Sinner. Don’t. My magic is different. It’s dark, I can feel it. It’s… It feels evil. Don’t use it.”

What I told her was true. I understood her reticence. But she’d never become strong by avoiding it. She would never learn how to control it.

But now was not the time to push her.

“Fine,” I said. “If you don’t want me to use your power, I won’t. Not until you ask me to.”

Her face softened, and her shoulders lowered. “Okay. Thank you.”

Silence fell between us, but she didn’t pull away. Didn’t step back.

“What if they find us and take us back there?” she asked, her grip on my arms tightening.

“Then we’ll fight them. And we’ll win.”

Her lips parted as she studied me. Water dripped from her hair and rolled down her shoulders and chest, disappearing beneath the white towel. “And what if she makes us claim with someone else? What if she tries to use our magic by mixing our power with?—”

“Don’t.” I crooked a finger beneath her chin and lifted it. “Nobody will ever touch you, Athena. You are my claimed. Mine. No, we didn’t have sex, but we won’t need to. It makes no difference. Every ounce of me can feel you now. Nobody else will claim with you. Ever. Do you understand?” My voice came out rougher than I anticipated, but it made no difference. The words were true.

She blinked a few times. “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now get dressed.”

She was silent then, though I could sense the thoughts engulfing her. This happened often, even back in the dungeons. It was like her thoughts didn’t have an off switch.

And I could only imagine what she was thinking now.

I stripped off my pants and stepped into the shower, damn near moaning when the water hit my back. My power rumbled in my veins as I used the lavender soap she’d just lathered all over her body. I scrubbed my skin raw, though I eased up when I cleaned my feet. The soles were bloody, but the skin would heal soon. They weren’t half as bad as Athena’s wounds.

I finished my shower quickly, then wrapped a towel around my waist before opening the shower curtain. Athena sat on the counter with her back against the wall, her legs stretched out. Her eyes were closed. Damn. Could she really sleep in that position?

Her new clothes were two sizes too big, but at least her body was covered.

Her bare feet swayed slightly back and forth in the air, snagging my attention.

I acted on instinct. I knelt before her and lightly picked up one foot.

She flinched but didn’t pull her foot away. “What are you doing?”

“Checking your wounds.”

An expression that looked an awful lot like confusion crossed her face, making my chest tighten. I mean, fuck, was she not used to being taken care of?

I silently cursed myself for the thought. Of course nobody had taken care of her. Her family had seen her as a monster.

They’d avoided her—Katherine and her parents at least. Of course they didn’t take care of her.

The thought made me want to wring Katherine’s neck. I didn’t blame Athena for rejecting her sister’s offer to heal her wounds. I would carry her anywhere she wanted to go for as long as she needed before I’d let Katherine touch her.

Why would her sister want her to stay with the Ministry? It still made no sense. Unless she hated her sister that much…

The idea that anyone could hate Athena sent a burning rage into my heart.

“Why?” she asked.

I kept my focus on the bottom of her foot, making sure she had truly gotten all the dirt out of the cuts. “Why what?”

“Why do you care?” she asked, her voice more timid than I would have expected from her. “Why are you helping me? We’re supposed to hate each other, remember?”

I scoffed. “That was before we got out of that godforsaken dungeon. And that was before the claiming.”

“So you’re helping me now because we’re claimed.”

I held her ankle but I sat back on my heels so I could look up at her. “The claiming honestly has nothing to do with it.”

Her eyes went wide, like she was as shocked as I was by my words. It had been my cover for the last few weeks. That I only cared about her because of the claiming. I’d only helped her because performing the claiming was my ticket out of those damn dungeons.

But somewhere along the way, sometime during the dark nights, under the spray of the shower, maybe while she whispered with Mags, things changed. And my emotions were only amplified when I was given access to her memories.

I realized I would have protected her regardless of the claiming.

Why? Probably because I was the biggest idiot I knew.

Don’t get attached. Don’t get close to anyone. That was my number one rule. I didn’t allow myself to worry about anyone but Mags. Not if they were destined for the same fate as my first childhood friend. The one I killed while he stared at me in horror.

But we were long, long past that now.

She didn’t say anything else as I stood and adjusted my towel. Though she did turn before I let it fall to the ground.

“Come on,” I said once I’d pulled a pair of pants on. “You need to sleep.”

“We both need to sleep.”

I scoffed and held out a hand. “I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.”

With her palm against mine, she slid off the counter. “I do worry about you.”

My heart fucking cracked. Yeah. I was so, so screwed.

She held my gaze for a handful of seconds. Enough to light up the shadows running through my veins. They wanted her. They wanted to protect her. To keep her safe. To heal her.

They wanted to consume her, too.

But I had already taken too much from her. I wouldn’t touch her again unless she asked for it. And even then, only if it was completely of her own free will.

Fuck, I would never let that happen. I would be the only person to ever see her in her pleasure like that again.

Before I could do anything stupid like run a thumb across her pink lips, she turned and stepped into the bedroom.

Mags was still sprawled across the bed, so I settled on the floor near the window and stretched my legs out in front of me. I’d been sleeping on a cot for months. This wasn’t any worse. In fact, I was more comfortable than I ever remembered. Here, I knew that door was locked. I knew Director wouldn’t be barging in to take Mags from me.

And for the first time in a long time, I actually started to feel hope for the future.