Page 40 of Beauty At Stake (The Twilight Court #18)
“You need to start training,” my father said to Sever later that night.
It was so late that it was early in Thailand, but my father, being from a time zone thirteen hours behind, was as fresh as a daisy. The children were not. All of them were asleep, sprawled on a couple of beds in one of the guest rooms. Even Miri was tucked in among them, with Cat sleeping on the foot of the girls' bed, guarding our babies. I know she's only named after my mother, but having her with them felt as if my mom were watching over her grandchildren too.
The rest of my family was gathered on the porch, sprawled on chairs or leaning against the railing. The cool night air was refreshing, helping to clear away the remains of the day.
“Yes, I agree,” Sever said. He looked at me. “Have you forgiven me yet?”
I jerked back. “What?”
“You looked at me with such anger, Seren. And then you ignored me when I called to you. You went to him instead.”
Everyone went silent.
Then he added, “Is this thing between Astaroth and you truly over?”
The silence deepened.
“I can't tell you what the future holds,” I finally answered him. “And to be completely honest, Anu's warning still bothers me. There is something between Star and me. But, as you said, it's manageable. It's just a crush now.”
“Crushes develop into more,” Killian said.
“Yes, and it did, but now it's back to being a crush.” I looked at Sever. “I got angry because you attacked him mercilessly. It felt like it was about me, not Star's teasing. And I ignored you because you hurt him badly. I was worried about him, and I believe that worry was warranted. It had nothing to do with my feelings for him. That fire is banked.”
“Only because you demanded that Anu end his influence,” Sever said. “I'd be happier if you were done with him.”
“Who? Star or Anu?” Killian drawled.
“Yes,” Sever said.
My husbands chuckled.
“Sever—”
He held up a hand and went on, “As you said, we each have our own journeys with God. If I expect others to be patient with me, I must show acceptance of you and your relationship with Anu.”
“I'm angry with him.” I looked out at the dark garden, then back at Sever. “I'm annoyed and tired of all this divine bullshit.”
Killian snorted a laugh.
“But I can't forget all the good things he's done for me. For us.”
“Love, you use that line a lot.” Tiernan, sitting on my left, took my hand and kissed it to soften the sting. “You get mad at Anu, then you calm down and you say that very same line, as if it wipes the slate clean. But how many times does that god get a free pass? When will the balance be broken? Because I must say that the bad he's done has already outweighed the good in my estimation.”
I sighed. “How much weight does a life hold? Thirty of them? Forty? I don't remember the number of people Anu brought back from the dead for me. And then there's my life.” I squeezed his hand. “Yours.” I looked around, smiling briefly at my father and Eibhleann, then focusing on my husbands. “All of our lives have been saved, in one way or another, by Anu. And what has he done that's so awful? Bring me and Sever together?” I motioned at Sever. “It's what Danu does, and so we accepted it. But then he tried again with Star, and it was too much. Not because his actions were despicable, but because our family is full. Danu did this to me four times. Four . And all of you were fine with it. You were the ones who convinced me to accept our relationships. But only to a point, evidently. And only if it's orchestrated by your Goddess.”
The men looked away. All but Sever.
“I can't speak about what Danu did or why all of you forgave her for it.” Sever straightened out of his lean. “But I can say that Anu doesn't push people together out of a sense of romance or because he believes they are perfect for each other. He does it to further his plans.”
“Anu isn't as involved with his children as Danu is with hers,” I said.
“He isn't?” Sever lifted a pale brow. “Or is that another myth that he's convinced us to take as truth?”
We went silent again. Most of my family had a limited experience with Anu. They were Fairies. Not his children. But Killian, Sever, and I knew God—Sever knew him best.
Into the silence, Sever said, “There's a line about the Devil. How his greatest trick is making humans believe he doesn't exist. Well, Anu wants the opposite for himself. All of Heaven and Hell believe in him, but they don't give him the kind of worship that humans do. And that worship has dwindled. Over the centuries, humans have divided God into many deities and then waged wars over who did it right. Anu doesn't like that, and not just because of all the bloodshed. God is love, but he is also the negative emotions that accompany love—including jealousy. Our god is a jealous god.”
“Sever, what are you saying?” I whispered.
“I think that all of this.” He waved his hands out. “All the drama and battles. Everything that has happened these last few years has led to the enlightenment of Earth. There isn't a soul on this planet who doesn't believe in God now—one God.”
“Holy shit,” Daxon whispered. “He's right.”
I leaned back as my mind spun. Then it settled. Focused. “And you think that Anu's nudging me toward Star is a part of that plan?”
“I think it's a part of a similar plan.” Sever crossed his arms and lifted his chin. “I think he wants Heaven and Hell to worship him as Earth does.”
“Holy shit!” Daxon's whisper turned into a growl.
“Children, please.” King Keir leaned forward while keeping a hold of his wife's hand. “Stop this. You are not gods.”
We all looked at my father in various degrees of surprise.
“It's hubris to think that you can understand the thoughts or even the plans of either god. Their minds are so far beyond ours that they are unfathomable. It is not for you to ponder those plans or question them. It's for you to remember that they created you. They are, in essence, our parents. And as our parents, they deserve our respect and loyalty.”
A shiver ran over my arms, and I knew Anu was there, listening to my father with approval. He had been with me earlier too, when I had spoken of our bond—when I had said that Anu would never forsake me. The same had happened with Danu many times. When I defended her, she showed her support. She let me feel her love. But my father wasn't a child of Anu. And God didn't have a way to show his approval except through me.
“He appreciates your words,” I said to my dad. “And I agree with you. To a point.”
My father lifted his brow. “Seren, you've let all this power go to your head. You are a queen, yes, but not a goddess.”
“I know exactly who I am, Dad. I lost myself for a while, but I think this experience with Anu has opened my eyes. I can see myself clearer now.” I looked around the circle and smiled. “I'm a wife, mother, daughter . . . and a soldier.” I ended my circling stare with my father and lifted my chin. “ Currently, I fight for Anu. But I am not a foot soldier who does what she's commanded no matter what. I am general, and I will question commands, even those that come from a god. I will question them until I'm certain that my actions aren't just righteous in God's eyes, but in my own as well. It's not hubris. It's wisdom. And it's morality. The Gods made us, yes. They deserve our respect and when they do wrong, they deserve to be forgiven. Usually.” I glanced at Sever. “But they made us who we are for a reason. They gave us souls to nourish or stain. Our choice. I'm lucky enough to have a pure soul that takes neither nourishment nor stain. But that doesn't mean I'll blindly obey either of the Twin Gods. It means that I have even more freedom to do what I think is right.”
My father smiled at me as my husbands applauded.
When the clapping stopped, Dad said, “I concede. And I apologize for calling you arrogant.”
“No, Dad. Don't apologize.” I leaned forward to clasp his free hand and squeeze it. “I need you to be my father. They'll tell me what they think.” I jerked my chin at my husbands. “And I'll always value their opinions. But what you say holds the weight of a parent with me. And I need that. I need you to point out when I do something stupid or cruel. Tell me when I act the fool or become too full of myself. Please. Never hold back. I value your advice and opinions.”
“Seren,” Dad whispered and stood up.
I got up with him and went into his arms. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, my sweet, smart girl. Well done.” He leaned back to look at me. “I don't say this enough—I'm proud of you. You built a life that surpassed all my hopes for you. Your mother, wherever she is, is beaming with pride and pleasure. I promise you that.”
“Aw, Dad!” I pushed at his chest. “Now, I'm crying.”
He chuckled and wiped my tears away. “Good. I missed so many of your tears. I never got to do this with you when you were little. So, I'll take them now. I'll take them gladly.” He hugged me again. “My daughter, the champion and challenger of the Gods.”
I nestled in close and beyond my father's embrace, I felt another set of fatherly arms holding me tightly.