Page 49 of Barging In

C lem closed her book and dropped it heavily onto the small table in front of her with an equally weighted sigh.

She’d read the same paragraph four times, and it was time she gave up.

It wasn’t Jasper’s fault; his book was brilliant.

Her mind simply wasn’t cooperating after a long day.

All she wanted was to enjoy the warm, early evening before the sun set and the chill crept in, driving her back inside.

Tomorrow was a day off. Emma had messaged to say the café was closing for a deep clean and wouldn’t need anything.

Mondays were quiet anyway, and although no rain was due, and there would be no competition, she knew she needed a break.

So, there was no baking tonight, leaving her mind to roam freely.

She couldn’t settle it. Baking usually soothed the noise, giving her something to create and shape other than her thoughts.

She picked up her wine glass and drained it, hoping it might dull the ache in her chest at Victoria’s absence. It didn’t. Nor had the glass before. She missed Victoria’s steady presence. Not knowing when, or even if, she’d see her again was becoming too much to bear.

She could make her a lemon drizzle. It would give her an excuse to see Victoria, and her brain something to do other than play volley with itself.

Clem wanted to push her, to reach out, but she knew she shouldn’t.

As far as she could tell, Victoria hadn’t been home all weekend.

Her office light had been off at the wharf, and the house remained dark.

Had she gone to London? Was she with him now?

If only she had accepted the job when Victoria offered it, then it would have been impossible to avoid seeing each other.

After two weeks of wrestling with the idea, now she’d do anything to snap it up.

She wanted to work for her. Around her. She’d find a way; these things couldn’t be mapped out on a notepad.

Life wasn’t so rigid. And if it didn’t go as planned, then she would keep changing and adapting until she was happy.

The sound of nearby footsteps startled her out of her chair. She wasn’t expecting anyone. But seeing Victoria standing on the jetty, with a cautious smile on her face, caused her breath to catch and then release in a rush of relief.

“Victoria. Hi!” Clem couldn’t have packed more excitement into her voice if she’d tried. “How are you?”

Victoria glanced down, then back up. “Can I come aboard?”

“Of course,” Clem said, offering her hand out to assist. The dim exterior light wasn’t much use beyond casting a glow over the table and the book she’d abandoned on it.

“Have you got any cake going spare? I haven’t eaten since breakfast. The traffic back from London was a nightmare. You’d think it would be heavy going the other way, with everyone heading into the city for work tomorrow. There must have been an accident.”

So, she had been right: Victoria had gone to London. But why? Clem’s impatience got the better of her. She rested a hand on Victoria’s arm.

“I’m pleased to see you, but I’m guessing you aren’t here to tell me about the traffic. At least, I hope you’re not.”

“Please fetch me something sugary and” — Victoria picked the bottle of wine up and squinted at it against the light — “a glass for this, please, and I’ll tell you.”

Clem obliged, returning in record time with a glass and the last slice of chocolate brownie that she’d squirrelled away for herself. She sat watching, leg twitching with nerves, as Victoria devoured it, washing it down with a sip of Chardonnay.

“Thanks, I needed that.”

“Why were you in London?” Clem asked, trying to steer the conversation.

Victoria exhaled. “The business was up for an award, which it won. Drew needed a wife on his arm, so I obliged.”

Clem tried not to react, but the words punched her in the gut.

Of course, she’d gone and played the part.

The thought that Victoria might have fulfilled other wifely duties tightened her chest, making her next breaths difficult to take.

Victoria wouldn’t, would she? Of course not.

Clem topped up her own wine glass, only halfway, as much as she desired more.

Victoria turned to face her, declining a top up of her own glass as she did.

“Look,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you that night. But it helped me understand how you felt. How I felt. It made me feel wanted, desired even. That I wasn’t completely invisible. It helped me see that I wasn’t alone.”

“You aren’t alone anymore.”

“I know, but as you pointed out, I was. I have been for a long time. I just couldn’t admit it.

I felt scared, but you gave me strength.

Jasper did, too. He made me see the wharf for what it is — stone.

He was right, even if I didn’t want to hear it.

I think I had to be willing to lose everything before I could finally hit the button , as you put it. ”

Clem shuffled to the edge of her seat, heart hammering in her ears.

“So… you have hit the button?” she asked, desperate to understand where things stood. Where she stood.

Victoria nodded. “Yes, I have.”

Clem exhaled a deep, shaky breath and slumped back into her chair, relief washing through her. Whatever this meant for them, whatever came next, at least Victoria had made the decision. She had acted.

“And it went okay?”

Victoria nodded.

Clem leaned forward and grabbed Victoria’s knee, giving it a firm squeeze. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Oh.” The word slipped out in a breathless whisper, her brows lifting in surprise. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”

“Seriously?”

Victoria gave a small, indifferent shrug. “Maybe I never gave anyone a reason to.”

Clem squeezed her knee again, gently but deliberately, drawing her gaze. “Other people’s emotional voids aren’t a reflection of you or your achievements. Have you ever felt proud of yourself?”

Victoria shrugged again .

“Not even for what you just did?”

“Am I proud for ending my marriage?” Victoria questioned firmly.

“No.” Clem fell back against her chair, letting go of Victoria’s knee. “For setting yourself free.”

“I’m pleased I found the strength to do it,” Victoria admitted. “That I had to do it at all…” She gave another shrug, turning her head away. “Is that something to be proud of, a failed marriage?”

“Was it your failure?”

“Yes,” she said simply. “I should have spoken up. I should have aired my complaints rather than swallowing them down. I had a voice, but I was too scared to use it. Too afraid to say how I was feeling. Instead, I left and hid away here, where life hurt a little less.”

“Being afraid to speak isn’t failure; it’s a trauma response. It’s not all on you. If someone has lived in an environment where they don’t feel their opinion is of any value, they learn to stay quiet.”

Victoria let out a soft sigh.

“Can I ask how Drew took it? And… what about the wharf?”

“He fought it,” she said. “Suggested we start again; sell up here and I move back to London.”

“What? Why?” Clem asked, her heart lurching. Had she misjudged everything? That made no sense. Unless?—

Victoria gave her a knowing look. “You were right. He was terrified I’d take half of everything,” she said with a faint smile. “He was more afraid than I was.”

“Oh,” Clem sighed with greater relief.

“So, he was more than happy to give me the small amount I asked for. Even tried to shake hands on it like it was a business deal.”

“Arsehole. ”

“That he is,” Victoria chuckled.

“Will you get to keep the house and the wharf?” Clem asked, needing a bit more clarification.

“Yes. The house, he said, is simpler to transfer, but the wharf is more complicated as technically his business owns it. I told him to make it work, or I’d come for everything he owed me.”

Clem gave her an admiring smile. “I knew you could do it.”

Victoria raised an eyebrow. “You did?”

“I trusted you’d make the right decision.

You’re no fool, Victoria. Your passion brought you here, and your determination made the wharf come alive again.

You just needed a little push — or maybe a pull — to realise you didn’t need Drew and that when you speak up for what you want, you can get it. Fear makes us irrational.”

Victoria nodded, gazing out over the water. “It does, and I was full of it. Now I feel like a weight has lifted off me. I feel lighter. Ready to face the future, whatever it might bring. I only hope that it’s a little gentler with me.”

“Can I…” Clem hesitated, her heart thudding again. She was desperate to know what all this meant — for her, for them — but the fear of the answer caught in her throat. She took a breath, reminding herself of what she’d said to Victoria: to speak up for what you want.

“What?” Victoria asked, her hand now resting gently on Clem’s leg, setting her alight. She patted it, urging her on, but it made her lose her words even more.

“I…” she faltered, struggling to articulate everything she wanted to say. “Us,” she finally managed. “Might there be an ‘us’? We might have only known each other for a few weeks, but it feels like much longer. I really like you, Victoria. ”

Victoria nodded slowly, giving one last pat to Clem’s leg before removing her hand.

“I really like you, too, and I feel the same, but I need a bit of time to be me. Work out who I am. I can’t make any promises right now, but I hope you’ll stick around whilst I work it all out.”

Clem’s chest tightened. Was she saying not now? Or not ever?

As though sensing her doubt, Victoria added, “Whatever the future holds, I know I want you to be part of it. A big part. You could even say a main character. But I’m not ready yet.

You were right when you said I’m grieving for the relationship I once had.

I only ask for a little time to pack it away. ”