Page 41 of Barging In

“We only do that because it’s easier to do something yourself than watch someone do a half-arsed job — I know that from experience with Drew.

And it’s not like I’ll be raising children.

As I’ve come to terms with not having them, I’ve realised the simplest contribution I’ve made to this world is not having contributed to it.

” Victoria shrugged. “How do you even begin to fix the problem?”

“Women have got to say it has to change, and men have got to agree.” Clem pulled a discouraged face.

“I can’t see that ever happening. The boys of today are the men of tomorrow, but if we raise boys from birth to be dependent on women to meet their emotional and physical needs — and raise girls to believe they need to meet those needs — where does that leave us?

It’s a vicious circle. I hope things change. ”

Victoria sighed. “What’s the point in being outraged at something if you don’t intend to do anything about it? I speak for myself in that.”

“And that is why things will never change,” Clem replied.

“I guess it’s easier for you to take that standpoint.

You’re not burdened by ailing parents, juggling demanding toddlers and hormonal teenagers, or rushing about on school runs, all while trying to hold down a career to feel some sense of self and that you’re still contributing.

You just have the wayward husband—” Clem gave a rueful smile and bit her lip. “Sorry.”

Victoria let the comment slide with a casual wave of her hand as she reached for her own glass.

“Women are so overburdened,” Clem continued, “they don’t even have the energy to look after themselves, let alone rise up and demand better treatment.”

Victoria eyed her, appreciating her enthusiasm.

“Sorry. I don’t want to come across as a ranting feminist,” she finished, twirling more spaghetti onto her fork.

Victoria put hers down and reached forward, placing her hand on Clem’s. “It’s fine; rant all you want. And for the record, I don’t see it as ranting. You speak with passion, and I love listening to you.”

She loved listening to anyone who spoke with passion about their interests.

It was what she enjoyed most about spending time with Jasper, hearing his live lectures from the annals of history.

And Drew’s shared passion for bringing new structures to life from the ground up, transforming forgotten buildings, was what had first attracted her to him.

“You aren’t juggling those things either, so why is it so important to you?” Victoria asked, noticing that Clem’s cheeks were tinged with pink.

“I’m a woman; it’s a woman’s issue. You don’t have to be directly affected by relationships with men to be a feminist, we all live in a patriarchal world.

Every woman thinks in man, but no man thinks in woman.

Some may be able to speak woman, but it doesn’t mean they choose to,” Clem said, glancing down at Victoria’s hand.

“Why would they when man is their native language?”

Victoria withdrew her hand, picking up her fork again. She hadn’t even realised she’d placed it there .

“I may not experience the burden in the same way as others, but it doesn’t mean I can ignore it,” Clem continued, playing with the stem of her wine glass.

“I watched female colleagues being treated differently because they had pressures outside of work. I listened to them complaining day in and day out about how much they had to do at home compared to their husbands. If I wasn’t a lesbian already, those women would have turned me. ”

Victoria chuckled.

“We need to fight for equal pleasure as well as equal pay,” Clem said, tapping the table with her forefinger.

“You know, I was actually overlooked for promotion twice before they finally offered it to me. Both times I was a woman of childbearing age, and both times the job was given to less experienced men who became my managers and expected me to help them. By the time I hit forty, they realised it was unlikely I would be having any kids, and I finally became as worthy as a man for promotion. It helped sway me to walk away from the company when the opportunity came.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Victoria said, grateful that she hadn’t experienced discrimination in her own career.

Clem shrugged. “It’s not just me; it’s every woman that gets treated like she’s a second-class citizen. But we should change the subject, before I get really ranty.”

As tempted as she was to hear Clem go into full rant mode, Victoria smiled and did as suggested.

“When did you last have dinner with a woman?” Victoria asked, only to realise it might have sounded like this was a date.

“Oh.” Clem hummed. “A long time ago. But… she wa sn’t right for me. Sometimes you just know, don’t you? What feels right, what doesn’t?”

“Mmm,” Victoria mused, clearing her plate.

“So I ended it. That was a couple of years ago. It pleased my mum; she never liked her. Said she had sinister eyes.”

Victoria laughed and shook her head. “Your mum.”

“She was correct, though, about her not being right. Although, I don’t know what she had against her eyes. I think parents have a sixth sense about these things.” Clem seemed to realise the possible subtext of her words then and blurted, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to imply?—”

“It’s fine,” Victoria said, waving her hand. “They do. Whether we wish to see it or not.”

Clem flashed a smile and returned to devouring the last of her spaghetti.

“Have you always…” Victoria hesitated, unsure how to phrase her question.

“Been into women?” Clem offered.

Victoria could feel her cheeks colour. “Yes.”

“Yeah. Had my first crush around nine. Told my parents when I was about fifteen.”

“Were they okay with it?”

“If they had a problem, they never said so,” Clem said, placing her cutlery down on her empty plate. “They were more put out by the prospect of no grandchildren. My mum doesn’t stop going on about it.”

“Tiring, isn’t it? A small part of me was almost relieved when we found out Drew was infertile, just to stop the questioning. But then the narrative shifted to me leaving him instead.”

“I tried to explain to Mum that lesbians can still have children. She seemed more concerned about me doing it alone. Which I wouldn’t. ”

Victoria chuckled at that. “It makes me laugh, people thinking kids need two parents or that a mum and a dad are like some magic formula. A kind, loving parent or parents are the answer. It doesn’t matter what’s between their legs if one’s beating the kids and the other’s neglecting them.”

“Too true,” Clem agreed.

“So, are kids still on the cards for you?” Victoria asked, genuinely curious.

“I’ve never made a conscious decision either way. The idea has simply drifted away from me as time has passed. I always thought, well, if it happens, it happens. My mum, on the other hand, would very much like an exact date.”

Victoria chuckled. She could quite believe that.

“I’m sure they would make super grandparents. They seem lively enough; they must be fit to do what they do at their age.”

“They are. To be honest, at the ripe old age of forty, I wonder if I would have the energy for it.”

“Wait until you reach fifty,” Victoria smirked. “Then your body turns on you, if it hasn’t already.”

“What about you? Did you date many women? Before Drew of course,” Clem added quietly.

“I dated a few women over the years, but it was never anything serious. Certainly nothing that went beyond the odd kiss. By the time I felt confident enough in myself to even think about telling my parents, I was already working on the house for Drew. Then we started dating, and it didn’t make any sense to share.

I knew deep down they weren’t the kind of people to be overly accepting of it, even if they pretended to be on the surface. They were a little too conservative .”

Clem screwed up her face .

Victoria shrugged. “Why tell them, only to disappoint them?”

“So they know who you are at your core,” Clem said, reaching forward to squeeze Victoria’s hand.

It made her whole body fizz. There was only one person in the entire world who knew who she was, and she was sitting opposite her. That felt like enough for the time being.

“I’m not sure they earned that right,” Victoria replied softly.

“Wow. Okay.” Clem leaned back and took a sip of wine.

Victoria missed the weight and warmth of her hand. “If you don’t create a safe environment for your kids to share things, do you have a right to know things?”

“That’s a fair point,”Clem said, glancing at her watch.

“I hope I’m not keeping you.”

“No, you’re not,” Clem protested with a warm smile. “Sorry, I will have to go soon, though.”

“You have to be somewhere? At this hour?” Victoria couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She had been looking forward to spending more time with her.

“Yep. I have to bake,” Clem groaned. “I can’t even enjoy a quiet evening. I’ve got this customer who’ll get annoyed if I don’t fulfil her order.”

Victoria grinned. “She sounds like a right pain in the arse.”

“Oh, she is. She gets very stroppy about signage. You want to watch out for her.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Victoria’s mouth. “Sounds like someone who lives by the rulebook.”

Clem lifted an eyebrow at her, her face suddenly sullen. “Sometimes a little too closely.”

Victoria took a sip of wine and eyed Clem. What did she mean by that? Too closely? Yes, she liked rules; you knew where you stood with them. They made things easier, clearer. Was Clem talking about her marriage?

Victoria stood, deciding to ignore the comment, and began clearing their plates. “Do you always work this late?”

“No, I usually start my last bake about seven. Then I’m up again at six.”

“Oh, sorry! I should have thought and had you round earlier.”

“It’s fine, honestly.” Clem shrugged. “It was very nice, whatever the time.”

“Can I interest you in dessert before you go? I’ve got cheesecake — only shop-bought, I’m afraid. I’m not a whizz in the kitchen like you.”