Page 31 of Barging In
Victoria took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m not a complete doormat. I set rules.”
Clem desperately wanted to find out what they were, but she already felt she was overstepping.
Fuck it!
Victoria was a grown woman; she wasn’t forcing her at gunpoint to reveal anything.
“What rules?” Clem pressed gently.
Victoria remained silent for a moment. Then, to Clem’s relief, she spoke.
“He doesn’t go near any of my friends.”
“You don’t have any other than Jasper, remember?” Clem replied flatly.
Although he’d had his eyes on her tonight. It made her wonder if Victoria noticed at all. And if she had, if she had said anything.
“He never takes anyone to the house.”
“Failed,” Clem retorted with a tilt of her head.
The comment made Victoria remove her hand from Clem’s leg. Clem had been enjoying how it felt there, and she felt its absence, sharp and immediate.
When Victoria spoke again, her voice was slower, quieter. “That I and” — her jaw worked — “are never in the same room as each other.”
Clem smirked. “Does the car park outside count?” Noticing a pained expression on Victoria’s face, she softened her tone. “You should be a main character in your own life, not an extra in Drew’s.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I want things to stay as they are. I'm an employee of his company. He owns the wharf, the house. Everything is in his name. I don't have anything, and who knows what I’ll end up with in a divorce. I gave up the only job I was good at — for what? A calling?”
“I can relate to that. At least you didn't buy a boat and try to make a living off coffee and cakes to survive.”
Victoria gave a faint laugh, easing Clem’s tension for the briefest moment. “Hey, I’ve tasted your cakes. They’re amazing.”
“Do you still love him?” Clem asked, brushing past the compliment. She wasn’t finished with her line of questioning.
Victoria hesitated. “We have a history together. We’ve built things.”
“I’m not talking bricks and mortar, Victoria. I mean connection. Affection. Desire. The kind of love that lights you up.”
“I fell out of love years ago,” Victoria answered, her gaze drifting away. “We made a good team in business, just not romantically. I think it began to fizzle out as soon as the ring went on and the babies didn’t come out.I miss what we were at the beginning.”
Clem let out a humourless laugh. “If you’re hanging around hoping to get that back, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re dreaming. He’s shown you who he is; how little he values you.”
“Some things are too difficult to undo. Our lives are entwined even if our hearts aren’t,” Victoria said, her voice flat with the weariness of acceptance .
“There is nothing that can’t be unpicked and something new sewn in its place — stronger. Sometimes it requires a leap of faith.”
“I’m not religious,” Victoria scoffed.
“I don’t mean it like that,” Clem groaned.
“I mean trusting that the end of something isn’t the end of everything but the start of something new.
No matter how hard it is to begin again.
” Clem paused to soften her tone. “I’ve done it.
I gave up a career, a guaranteed income, all because I knew deep down it wasn’t what I wanted for my future.
Who knows how it will turn out? I bake and sell relentlessly, and I still don’t know if I can make it work.
” She tried to breathe, but the tightness in her chest returned.
“If it doesn’t, then I’ll have to try and come up with a new plan.
But whatever it is, it has to drive me out of bed in the morning. Something that lights my fire.”
“You’re braver than I am,” Victoria murmured, quiet resignation threading through her voice.
“I took a risk… a risk that could see me homeless and jobless. And yeah, working in Florence wasn’t quite how I pictured it, and I don’t how long it’ll last. I never saw myself doing it forever, but I knew I couldn’t keep going as I was.
I ran with an idea to escape. Then Florence came into it, and it became emotional.
” Clem sighed. “Now there’s even more pressure to make it work because I could never sell her. It would break my mum’s heart.”
“Sounds like you are trapped,” Victoria observed. “Risks are not so easily taken as they are spoken.”
“You have an answer for everything,” Clem said, frustration creeping in as she tried to ignore Victoria’s comment. “Why hold so tightly to something that burns your fingers but not your heart?”
“Safety and security. I’m fifty,” Victoria said, her words firm, almost defiant .
Clem softened. “And how do you think the next fifty years will play out turning a blind eye?”
Victoria’s gaze hardened. “I can turn a blind eye to keep my life together.”
Clem felt her anger rising again as her heart twisted. “He’s in the wrong here. He’s got plenty to lose, too — way more than you do, I expect.” She paused, carefully choosing her words. “Why are you scared?”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“It’s better to be alone than unhappy. And honestly, I believe you already are alone.”
Victoria folded her arms. “The wharf makes me happy. It sustains me… as much as I need.”
“I’m not sure I believe that. What about your self-worth? Your dignity?”
Victoria looked away, her silence speaking louder than words.
“For what it’s worth,” Clem added gently, “I don’t think you’d be alone for long.”
Victoria gave a tired, humourless smile as she met Clem’s gaze. “Don’t be ridiculous. Who’d want me?”
Clem wanted to shake her and hold her all at once. To tell her she wanted her. Heat rose in her chest, but she kept her voice steady.
“Someone who sees what I see. You’re smart, capable, not to mention beautiful. You’re single-handedly running a business, holding it together while it feels like it’s falling apart. That takes guts whether you believe it or not. You gave up a secure job to save the wharf. That’s brave.”
A fleeting smile tugged at the corner of Victoria’s mouth, only to vanish again.
“You deserve to be loved, Victoria,” Clem continued while she could.
“Not tolerated. And not stuck in something because it’s convenient.
There’s so much more waiting for you than this.
You should be with someone you can talk to about your ideas, your challenges; who’ll bat things back and forth with you and help you solve them.
A person who will share a bottle of wine with you at the end of a long day. ”
She saw Victoria’s eyes drift to the bottle of wine as her shoulders sagged.
“I’m not willing to risk it. It’s not perfect, but it works. The truth is... I stayed because I couldn’t bear what it would mean if I left. What it would say about me — that I didn’t try hard enough. That I wasn’t enough. That I was a failure.”
Clem swallowed the ache rising in her throat; it felt like it was about to throttle her.
She wanted to reach out to Victoria, to cradle her, to tell her everything would be okay, but she couldn’t do it.
She worried she’d pushed her too far already, and she didn’t trust herself not to kiss the woman if she had the chance.
She was vulnerable, raw with feelings she wasn’t ready to face.
“I think you’ve spent so long keeping it together, you forgot you’re allowed to fall apart — to start again.”
Victoria didn’t answer. She stared at the ground, shoulders beginning to shake.
Clem’s hand shot out to her leg, hoping to offer comfort as Victoria had done for her.
She hadn’t meant to make her cry, only to jolt her a little and get her to take a hard look at her life.
Clearly, she already was. It didn’t make it any easier to push that button and make the changes you knew you needed to make.
“I meant what I said, Victoria,” Clem said, rubbing her leg.
“You are incredibly beautiful. Not that beauty matters most in the grand scheme of things, just that—” Clem stopped, realising she wasn’t saying what she was trying to convey.
“I mean, there’s so much more to you. You should remember that. And I see all of you.”
Victoria looked up and wiped her eyes. No smile came, but something in her features shifted, the guardedness finally relenting.
Before Clem could reply, heavy blobs of rain splattered onto the table.
“And now it rains! The perfect end to the evening,” Victoria said through a half laugh and tears.
Clem’s heart broke at her woebegone laughter. “Come inside. You can’t walk home in this. I’d give you a lift, but I’ve drunk way too much to steer — even at three miles per hour.”
Victoria was close at her heels and collapsed straight onto the bed. “You don’t mind, do you? I’m not sure I can stay upright any longer.”
“It’s fine. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get us some tea.”
“Thanks.”
Returning five minutes later, Clem found Victoria curled up on one side of the bed, fast asleep. She looked picture perfect, which drew a smile to Clem’s lips. It seemed a shame to wake her and bundle her into a taxi.
Now Clem faced her only dilemma: climb into bed beside her or make up the other one. There was only one thing she wanted to do — but only one thing she could do. She threw a blanket over Victoria, turned the light out, and made her way back down the corridor.