Page 131 of Bang

It was better than the alternative.

For her sake, not mine.

Was it killing me? Fuck yeah.But I'd rather die a thousand deaths than hurt someone I cared about. And Ididcare for Cami, in my own messed-up sort of way.

But she was still my employee, which meant that certain responsibilities had to be taken care of. With this in mind, I texted her from my home office asking her to stop by my desk when she had the chance.

She never showed.

I'd sent the text at seven o'clock, two hours before Willow's usual bedtime, thinking we could get the formalities out of the way and move on with the rest of our evening.

For me, this meant handling some year-end paperwork that I'd been putting off.

For Cami, this meant packing for her trip. I knew this, because three hours after sending my text, I could still hear her going up and down the stairs, and then out into the garage, loading up the SUV with whatever she was taking to Petoskey.

I felt like a dick for not offering to help, at least with loading the suitcases. But that was something a boyfriend – or hell, even a friend – would do. And, as we'd already established,that wasn't me.

Cami was leaving tomorrow afternoon and wouldn’t be home until after the new year.

Home. At the thought of it, I frowned at my desk. This wasn't Cami's home. It wasmyhome and Willow's.

But somewhere along the way, I'd come to think of it as Cami's home, too. This wasn't the case.Herhome was nearly three hours away, with a family she'd known all her life.

Eventually she'd find a teaching job and move out on her own, but one thing was fairly obvious. She'd be leavingthishome at the end of her term.

That was months away, so I tried not to dwell on it, just like I tried not to dwell on what might've been, if only I were capable of giving her the one thing I couldn't.

Love.

She deserved it.

And maybe I did, too. But I wasn't willing to take more than I could give, and I knew she'd only end up hating me if I tried to fake it.

Hell, she hated me now, and I hadn't done half the damage I was capable of.

When eleven o'clock came and went, and Cami still hadn't showed, I left my home office in search of her.

I found her upstairs in her bedroom, rummaging in her closet. I stopped just outside her bedroom's doorway and said, "Did you get my text?"

She was standing on her tiptoes, trying to reach a box on the upper shelf. Without looking in my direction, she said, "Yeah, I got it."

From the open doorway, I asked, "So why didn't you show?"

"Because it was ridiculous."

I felt my eyebrows furrow. "What, the text?"

"No. The summons."

"It wasn't a summons," I said. "It was a request."

"Whatever it was, it was silly." She stopped and gave me a no-nonsense look. "If you want to talk, come out of your office once in a while. Willow might like that, you know."

I gave her a hard look. "Yeah? And how aboutyou?"

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldyoulike it?"