Page 29 of Balancing Act (Soulmate #1)

Cool autumn air hit her like a slap to the face, or was it the stinging sensation in the corners of her eyes that she had been fighting?

Neither was enough to clear her head of the mess she had created.

Jamie sucked in a deep breath, but it didn’t fill her lungs the way she needed it to.

Her chest was tight, her thoughts a tangled mess of confusion, jealousy, and frustration.

She pulled the hood of her raincoat up over her head, shielding her from the gentle rain now falling outside.

What was she doing? Why did she care so damn much about what Beth had said? Why did the thought of Beth and Sarah being together make her so queasy? She knew why, but she wouldn’t admit it to herself, because if she did, how the hell was she supposed to move forward with the truth?

Jamie walked faster, her sneakers scuffing against the pavement as she put more distance between herself and the café.

She knew running wasn’t the answer. It never had been.

But she didn’t know how to stop. She always ran—from feelings, from relationships, from everything that felt too real, too close.

Her van came into view, parked a block away from the café, and she practically sprinted the last few steps toward it.

She fumbled with her keys, cursing as she dropped them, her fingers trembling as she stooped down to pick them up.

She unlocked the door and climbed inside, slamming it shut behind her like she was trying to block out the world.

Dropping her head against the steering wheel, the cool leather pressing against her forehead.

Breathe, Jamie , she told herself, forcing her lungs to draw air in and out, trying to regain some semblance of control, trying to calm herself down.

But it wasn’t working. The image of Beth—her eyes concerned, her voice gentle, the hurt in her expression—played over and over in her mind, and the gravity of what had happened settled heavily on her chest.

She had run.

“Fuck!”

She squeezed her eyes shut, her mind flashing back to Beth’s words about how she’d ended up back with Sarah.

You made it clear you weren’t an option.

The truth of it stung, sinking deep into Jamie’s bones.

She had made it clear, hadn’t she? She had done everything in her power to keep Beth at arm’s length and make sure there were no expectations or attachments.

Because that’s what Jamie did. She kept everyone at an arm’s length, not only for her own protection, but for theirs too.

Jamie leaned back in the driver’s seat and stared up at the roof of her van, her breaths coming in shallow gasps.

She had been so focused on not getting involved with Beth, on not letting herself care about her, that she hadn’t realized how far she had already fallen for Beth.

And now, she didn’t know how to fix it. Didn’t know if she could.

Her phone buzzed, and she hesitated for a moment before pulling it out, half expecting to see Beth’s name on the screen. But it wasn’t Beth. It was Amanda.

She sighed, pressing her thumb to the screen and bringing the phone to her ear.

“Geez, Jamie, when I said take the morning to enjoy yourself, I didn’t think you’d actually take the whole morning. Where are you?” Amanda’s voice crackled through the speaker. “You are still planning on coming in today, right?”

Jamie glanced at the clock on her dashboard. Shit. She was late.

“I’m on my way,” Jamie said, her voice hoarse. She tried to hide the way her voice cracked. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“What’s wrong?” Amanda’s tone switched to immediate concern, which made it harder for Jamie to hold back the tears she’d been fighting off.

“N-nothing,” she stammered unconvincingly, trying to even out her voice.

“Clearly it’s not nothing. C’mon, talk to me.”

“I can’t, Amanda.”

“Can’t or won’t, Lyons?” Her tone was exasperated again, which only made Jamie feel worse. Why was it so hard for her to talk about her feelings? “Do you need the day off?” she asked quietly.

“No. I’ll be fine once I get to the gym.” Her heart rate was beginning to return to its normal pace. “I need something to do, to take my mind off things.”

“Okay. Please drive safely. And you’re staying with me tonight.” Jamie started to protest, but Amanda cut her off. “Not up for debate, Lyons. We’ll order in, put on our comfy clothes, and start Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning. That always makes you feel better.”

“You’re right, it does usually work,” she said quietly.

Amanda always knew exactly what she needed, and if she were being honest with herself, some time away from the island, even for an evening, would be good.

“Remember, Jamie, everything is figure-outable.”

Jamie smiled to herself at Amanda’s words, taking comfort in the familiarity of that phrase, one Amanda had reminded her of so many times over the years.

“I know.” Her voice had calmed by now, and she was starting to feel her nervous system return to normal. “I’ll see you in fifteen.”

She hung up and tossed the phone onto the passenger seat before gripping the steering wheel tightly. Jamie took one last deep breath, then started the van, the engine roaring to life beneath her. It was time to go, even if she had no idea where she was heading anymore.

Not long after, Jamie stepped out of the van in the carpark of the gym.

She had been driving in a daze, replaying the conversation with Beth in her head, analyzing every word and every movement.

Why did Beth have to call her out like that?

Asking her if they were really just friends.

And why did Jamie care if she and Sarah were still sleeping together?

Jamie shouldn’t care. She couldn’t care. But she did.

And she was pretty sure Beth knew that now.

She walked briskly toward the gym entrance, her heart still pounding in her chest. Amanda was inside, leaning over the counter as she sorted through a stack of paperwork.

Her red hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and she was humming softly to herself.

Jamie tried to slip by unnoticed, but Amanda’s instincts were as sharp as always.

“Wow, you’re really going to try and sneak right past me,” Amanda called, her teasing tone fading as she got a better view of Jamie. “Woah. It’s worse than I thought?”

“It’s not. I’m fine.” Jamie waved her off and walked faster toward the gym floor, hoping to escape before Amanda could prod any further. The last thing she needed right now was to unpack her feelings.

“Jamie.” Amanda’s voice softened, the teasing edge gone. She stepped around the counter, concern etched in her expression. “You don’t look fine.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Not here,” Jamie said, through gritted teeth. She kept her eyes on the floor, trying to keep her voice steady and not let the cracks show. “I promise we’ll talk about it tonight.”

“Like I was going to let you not talk about it.” Amanda wrapped Jamie in a hug, giving her a gentle squeeze, and for once, Jamie didn’t feel the need to pull away.

“Yeah, I know,” Jamie muttered, before slipping inside the gym’s training floor.

She needed to focus. The gym had always helped clear her mind, helped her feel in control when everything else felt like it was slipping through her fingers.

It had always been her source of calm, which is what she could use right now.

She spotted Lily warming up by the uneven bars, her blonde ponytail swaying back and forth as she stretched. Normally, she would greet Jamie with a smile and an excited, rapid rundown of her day. But today, she barely acknowledged her as Jamie approached.

“Hey, kiddo. You ready to get to work?” Jamie asked, forcing her voice to sound upbeat, like nothing was wrong.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lily mumbled, pulling at the edges of her grips.

Jamie’s brow furrowed. Lily was off. Her usual spark was missing, focus scattered.

She had worked with her long enough that she was starting to understand the teen’s sometimes turbulent moods, but this felt different.

Something was eating at her, and Jamie didn’t like it.

Still, she didn’t push. She knew Lily would open up to her when she was ready.

“Alright. Let’s run through your routine. Full sequence this time. Start from the low bar,” Jamie instructed, stepping back to give her room.

Lily nodded, gripped the bar, pulled herself up, and began her routine. But her focus was elsewhere—her transitions between the bars were sloppy, and after her third misstep, Jamie called her down.

“Okay, talk to me. You’re not focused today. Where’s your head?” Jamie asked, trying to keep her voice gentle but firm.

Lily dropped down from the bar and let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing her hands on her leotard. “I don’t know. I’m just... distracted, I guess.”

“What’s distracting you?”

Lily hesitated, her eyes darting toward the floor. Jamie could see the internal battle playing out in her mind. Finally, Lily sighed and looked up at Jamie, her blue eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and frustration.

“Can we go for a walk?” she asked tentatively. “I don’t want to talk about it here.”

Jamie nodded. Lily grabbed her sweats, shoes, and jacket before meeting Jamie at the door, and the two of them headed out into the light rain.

“What’s going on in that brain of yours? Still feeling like you were a few weeks ago?” Jamie asked, as the pair turned onto the wooded path that ran behind the gym.

“What? No, that’s better. The boxing has really been helping,” Lily said, without elaborating any further as they walked, the sound of crunching pine needles filling the quiet air.

“Okay. Well, then, what’s going?—”

“I think my moms are getting back together,” Lily blurted out, her voice cracking slightly.

Jamie’s stomach dropped as her heartrate soared. Her mind yanked back to the coffee shop, to her conversation with Beth. She forced herself to stay calm. She couldn’t let her own feelings show. This wasn’t about her—it was about Lily.

“Oh?” Jamie asked, trying to keep the shock from seeping into her tone. “Why do you think that?”

They stopped in the middle of the trail. Lily shifted uncomfortably, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t know. It’s just... the way they’ve been acting lately. They’ve been spending more time together, and they’ve been... I don’t know, nice to each other.”

Jamie nodded slowly, her mind racing. What should she say? Could she even say anything?

“Maybe they’re being friendly?” she offered cautiously, trying to sound neutral. “I know it’s complicated, but sometimes parents get along better when they’re not together. That doesn’t always mean they’re getting back together.”

Lily frowned, clearly not satisfied with that answer. “But what if they are? What if they’re trying to get back together and... I don’t know. What if it doesn’t work again? What if it’s like last time?”

Jamie’s heart twisted at the pain in Lily’s voice. She was scared of being hurt again.

“How would you feel if they were getting back together?” she asked cautiously.

“Terrible,” Lily said quickly.

That made Jamie’s ears perk up. Confused, she pressed Lily for more.

“Terrible?”

“Yeah. They just...” Lily threw her arms up in the air with an exasperated sigh before balling her hands into fists and stuffing them in her hoodie pocket. “I know they love me, and sometimes I feel like they think that getting back together is what I want, but it’s not.”

“It’s not...” Jamie kept her tone steady, not wanting Lily to pull back from her.

“No. Everything was fine the way it was, and then last year sucked, and I... I want everyone to be happy.”

Lily kicked a pinecone and watched as it rolled off the path into the brush. They stood in silence, watching the pinecone on its journey down the hill. Jamie didn’t press her for more information.

Lily spoke again, softer now. “I don’t know if this makes sense, but my moms are better when they aren’t together like that. Like, I know they love each other, and they love me, but I don’t think they love each other in the way Taylor Swift writes love songs about.”

“That makes sense,” Jamie said softly. “Have you talked to your moms about this?” Her question was tentative as she already knew the answer.

“No. I mean, like, I didn’t know until yesterday—well, not really—but yesterday kind of confirmed it. They were both being so weird at the game. Did you notice that?”

Jamie froze. Her question was innocent. After all, she had been at the game and had also picked up on the weirdness between Beth and Sarah. But she wasn’t about to let Lily know how closely she had been paying attention to her mom. This was getting messy.

“Uh, nope—no. I didn’t.” She shrugged, turning her head down against the rain that was beginning to fall harder. They began walking back toward the gym.

“Are your parents still together?” Lily asked curiously.

Jamie sighed. The question itself wasn’t unexpected, but that didn’t mean she liked discussing her family. “Um, no. My mom passed away when I was about your age, and my dad remarried, but I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“So you don’t have a family?”

“I do. Amanda is my family. She’s basically my sister, and her family has always made me feel like one of them, so I count them as family. Sometimes our family doesn’t always end up coming together how we expect it to.”

Lily seemed to accept that as an answer and didn’t push her any further. As they entered the parking lot, Lily paused again. Jamie stopped, too.

“I’m going to talk to them—my moms. I think that’s what’s best. I’m a member of this family, too.

I should have a say.” Jamie admired Lily’s determination and confidence.

She wished she could draw on her own and confront her own feelings.

“Thanks for letting me talk it out.” She threw her arms around Jamie in a quick hug before she stepped back.

“You know, the weird thing is, I kind of thought Mama had a crush on you.” She shrugged it off before heading into the gym, leaving Jamie completely dumbfounded in the rain.