Page 15 of Balancing Act (Soulmate #1)
“Extremely well, thank you,” Beth shot back, with biting sarcasm.
“God. Sometimes I forget how much of a lesbian you are.” He laughed, and Beth glared at him once more.
“Do yourself a favor, B. Go for a walk, try something new, smoke a joint or several—I don’t care what it is—but give yourself and your creative brain a break.
You spent the last year firing on all cylinders, so to speak.
Recharge, and the inspiration will flow again.
It always does. I’ve got to go, but promise me you’ll think about everything I said?
” He looked at her over the rim of his glasses, and Beth couldn’t help but let her guard down a little.
“I promise.”
Beth ended the call, Sean’s advice still rattling around her head. Recharge, he’d said, but how? She stared at the crumpled papers around her, willing herself to feel anything other than frustration.
Her phone vibrated on the desk, and for a fleeting moment, she caught herself hoping to see Jamie’s name on her screen, but it was Sarah confirming plans for family dinner later that evening.
She turned her phone face down and set it on the table.
She had thought about texting Jamie to see how her day was going.
Maybe she’d share some random thought that would make Jamie laugh, or maybe Jamie would offer one of her stories in return—like the one about sneaking her dad’s diner coffee into the gym.
Beth reached for her phone but stopped, her fingers hovering over it. Not yet. She wasn’t ready for what that might mean.
Later that night, Beth lay on her side, watching Sarah get redressed in the cool moonlight that drenched her bedroom. Sarah’s nimble fingers toyed with the buttons of her blouse, popping each back into place before running through her hair.
“Are you heading out?”
Beth’s voice was hoarse with sleep. She must have drifted off shortly after she and Sarah had come down from their highs. The last thing she remembered was Sarah tracing her fingers up and down Beth’s side as she succumbed to sleep.
“Hey.” She smiled softly. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” she whispered, squatting beside the bed. “I should go. If I miss the last ferry, I’m stuck.”
“What time is it?” Beth blinked the sleep from her eyes and patted around the nightstand for her phone.
“A little after midnight.”
Sarah cupped Beth’s cheek, her thumb brushing softly.
What once felt like love now left guilt pressing against Beth’s chest. They were holding each other hostage in a connection neither seemed ready to sever.
It wasn’t fair, but she kept that thought to herself as Sarah leaned in to place a swift, chaste kiss on her lips.
“Don’t wake Lily,” she reminded.
“I won’t. See you next week, beautiful,” she said, before slipping out the door.
Beth lay still in bed, the familiar weight of the emptiness beside her.
Sleep wasn’t coming back to her any time soon.
She waited until she heard the front door click before climbing out of bed and pulling on her Stanford crewneck and leggings.
She was wide awake now—may as well try and get some work done.
In the dark, Beth went downstairs, across the kitchen, and through the breezeway connecting her studio to the main house. She set the studio lights to a dim glow, then went over to the electric kettle in the corner, busying herself with making tea.
“Mom?” a sleepy voice said behind her. She turned around to find Lily.
“Lils, what are you doing up?” Beth asked quickly, suddenly nervous that Lily may have caught Sarah sneaking out of the house a few minutes ago.
“Couldn’t sleep.” She shrugged and climbed onto one of the stools at Beth’s worktable. “Can I have a cup of tea too?”
Beth poured the now-boiling water into two mugs and added her favorite lavender tea sachets.
She handed one of the mugs to Lily before plopping down onto the stool across from her.
They sipped their tea quietly as Beth waited to see if Lily was going to let her in on what was really keeping her awake.
“Can we paint together for a bit? Like we used to when I was little?” she asked sweetly, and there was no way Beth would ever refuse an ask like that from her daughter.
“Of course, love.” She set her tea aside and gathered supplies. “Watercolor? Acrylic? Oil paints? Pick your poison.”
“Watercolor, please,” Lily said, rising to fill two Mason jars with fresh water from the utility sink in the corner before setting them on the table while Beth set out the paints and paper.
They painted in near silence, their brushes moving against the paper the only sound between them.
Painting had always felt healing to Beth.
It was how she worked out complex feelings when she couldn’t find the words to express herself.
Something about having full control over the movements of her brush made it easier to organize her thoughts and clear her mind.
“How do you decide what to paint?” Lily asked, glancing at Beth’s sketch of the dock.
“It depends.” Beth dipped the wet tip of her brush into the green paint and swirled it around, coating the bristled tip. “I usually paint what inspires me.”
Lily’s eyes were focused on her paper, where she was making a series of repetitive marks that created a pattern.
“What happens when you’re not feeling inspired?” she asked quietly, not looking at Beth but instead keeping her eyes on her brush.
“Well...” She could tell Lily was trying to work something out in her mind.
“Sometimes I don’t paint anything at all, and I try to keep myself busy with other things that bring me joy and inspiration.
And sometimes I push through and try to keep creating, which probably isn’t the best,” she said honestly, eyeing her daughter again.
She couldn’t help but notice the sadness etched on Lily’s face. “Everything okay, love?”
Lily’s blue eyes snapped up from the spot on her paper they’d been focused on to meet Beth’s own. They were like little mirrors of herself staring back at her.
“Yeah,” she said, a little too quickly for Beth to fully believe her. Beth arched an eyebrow at her daughter. “I think I need to find some inspiration again.” Lily shrugged and went back to painting.
“Me too. Maybe we can help each other with that,” Beth said softly, dipping her brush into a vibrant blue before letting the color bloom across the page.