Page 31 of Badd Ass
“That’s Dad.” She paused, and then stuck a finger in the air. “Also, Dad is a church deacon.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Sort of like a priest, but they can be married if they were married before becoming ordained.” A shrug. “It just means he’s, like, a super church man and very strict when it comes to religious dogma. He works for the church in a permanent, paid capacity.”
“Oh. Does that mean he won’t ever forgive you?”
Another sigh. “That’s so unlikely as to be impossible.” She waved a hand, dismissing it. “Or, if he did, it’d be conditional. I’d have to confess my sins and be absolved and say, like, forty million Hail Mary’s and do a bunch of penance and other stupid bullshit. He’s a stubborn asshole, and I’m just as stubborn as he is, only I’m going to be more stubborn than he is about this because I’ll be damned if I’m going to apologize, and certainly not forhimdisowningme.”
“God, I’m so sorry, Claire. I had no idea.”
“It is what it is. I’m used to it, now.” She shrugged, then poked the back of my hand with her fork. “That was a very nicely done deflection, by the way.”
“It wasn’t a deflection, it was an honest question…a rabbit trail in the conversation, but I’m glad you told me about it.”
“Well, thanks, but let’s get back to the topic at hand, namely, you and Zane.”
“Me and Zane? There’s not much to say. We’re going to keep having excessive amounts of super crazy hot sex, and also, we’re going to hang out and do stuff that isn’t sex. Just to see how we both like it.”
“And you’re calling this a practice relationship.”
“Correct. Because he lives here and I live in San Francisco, and neither of us are ready for a real relationship, but we feel pretty compatible, so we’re gonna see how it feels to pretend we’re in one, in case we decide we want to try it for real later on.”
“So, like me and Brian at work, only with sex?”
“Exactly. If we hadn’t already had sex, I might actually try and see how a no-sex dating thing would go, but since we’ve already done it, there’s no point in stopping now.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Claire said, pushing her now-empty plate away. “Now, can you go back to the most epic blow job of the century? I wanna hear more about that.”
I shrugged. “I mean, I wasn’t planning on doing it. I had been planning on talking to him about my idea regarding the whole practice dating thing, and then the conversation just sort of got dirty—”
“Understandable when you’re talking to a hot guy with a massive dong,” Claire put in.
“Right,” I agreed. “And then he was like, so how about a blow job, and I was, like...sure.”
“And?”
“And I sucked him off so good he actually collapsed to the ground afterward and couldn’t walk for several minutes.”
Claire blinked at me. “Well good goddamn, girl. You must have some sort of secrets you haven’t shared.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I grinned. “I mean, it was helpful that I just…I dunno…I really, really wanted to give the best blow job he’d ever had. I mean, if we only have a week together, I want it to be the best damn week of our entire lives, right? And obviously I’ve given plenty of BJs before, but this was different somehow.”
The waitress came over right then, and had to hold back a snort of laughter as she refilled our coffee.
“Different how?” Claire asked.
I sighed. “I don’t know. I wish I did. I’ve been trying to figure that out myself. It’s not just that he’s gorgeous, which he is, and it’s not just that he has a massive, gorgeous dong, which he does, and it’s also not just that he’s an incredible sexual partner, which he is, nor is it just that he’s a god among men when it comes to cunnilingus…it’s all of those things at once, and…something more. I don’t know. It’s frustrating.”
“It’s chemistry, babe,” Claire said. “It’s ineffable.”
“Ineffable?”
She nodded. “Something so incredible, so amazing, so perfect that you just can’t put it into words.”
I threw another sugar packet at her head. “I know what ineffable means, whore-face.”
She threw the same packet back at me. “Well, then don’t say it like you’ve never heard the word before.”