Page 83 of Back in the Saddle

‘I’m sorry.’ Their eyes met, and he looked at her imploringly. ‘You’re right. I should’ve told you.’ He sighed and buried his face in his hands.It shouldn’t be this hard.

Caroline sat down on the carpet, crossing her legs. She pried his fingers away from his eyes, squeezing them gently. ‘Why didn’t you?’ Her tone went back to normal, anger seemingly set aside.

‘I don’t know,’ he answered, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the hint of hesitancy in his voice. ‘We shook hands on sex and fun, not heavy conversations and sad stories.’

‘It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?’

Hunter nodded. He knew she was right. They had become so much closer than just two people having a good time. He still couldn’t tell her how he felt about her. Not the whole truth. He could tell her more though, explain further …

Maybe she’d understand him better.

‘Probably.’ He let out a low laugh, burying his face in his hands again.

Damn you, Mitch.

‘You told me you only had fleeting romances. Is this all I am to you? A mindless fuck?’ She tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, but he noticed how crestfallen she looked.

‘No!’ he cried out, knocking the empty beer bottle over as he stood up. ‘It’s not like that with you,’ he blurted, not sure what to say next or how to phrase the explanation without revealing what he wanted to stomp over and keep hidden.

‘What is it like then?’

‘I … We …’ He bit his tongue, stumbling over his words. He strode to the window and looked into the stormy sky. Heavy rain had started pouring after they’d got inside.

He pushed his hands into his pockets, turning to her after he composed himself.

‘I’m in awe of you, Caroline. You’re probably the most interesting person I’ve ever met. I like spending time with you, I adore our conversations. And I enjoy our physical connection.’ He exhaled sharply.

If he could pat himself on the back for avoiding saying ‘love’, he would.

‘But if you’re asking me to put a label on what we have, I can’t.’ He couldn’t read the expression on her face.

She looked so stoic.

‘Can you?’ He tried to keep any hint of hope, any hint of longing from his tone.

He wanted to close the distance between them and tell her the truth: he hadn’t told her because he’d have to explain how much he felt forher. He’d have to deal with all the guilt, and he wasn’t ready for it. And he was worried she’d then run for the hills because falling for her wasn’t what he was meant to do.

He wanted to tilt her chin up, kiss her and tell her how much she really meant to him. But that’d be a mistake. He didn’t deserve her. He certainly didn’t want her to fall in love with him. Not that he thought she would, but just in case … It couldn’t happen.

Caroline looked like her mind was elsewhere. When she spoke, her voice was calm. She even attempted a small smile. ‘No, I can’t.’

He felt his nerves relax a bit.

‘Regardless, you lied to me.’

‘I didn’t lie.’

That seemed to have drilled something in her as her smile faltered. Hunter realised he shouldn’t have said it then and tried to reach for her, but she stepped away.

‘Lying by omission is still lying,’ she said quietly. ‘I enjoy your company too. And I don’t want to lose what we have.’ She looked into his eyes, and he held his breath. ‘But you can’t lie to me again. Lying is one thing that I can’t get past.’ Her bottom lip quivered, and without thinking, he lifted his finger and put it to her lips.

‘I’m sorry.’

A roar of thunder rumbled through the air, fat raindrops slamming against the windows.

Caroline’s mouth was open, just a little bit.

Hunter found himself unable to resist its invitation. He leaned down, brushing his own lips softly against hers.