Page 26 of Back in the Saddle

‘Glad you’re all doing well. And Clara, I’m so excited about your news,’ Caroline said.

‘Will you be able to come see me when the baby’s born, do you think?’

Caroline blinked. It had only now hit her she would still be in Oklahoma when her second niece or nephew would be born. ‘I’ll certainly try.’ She glanced at the clock. ‘I think I’d better go. I’ll call you soon?’

‘Sure, bye!’

They hung up and Caroline pulled up a spreadsheet to key in the most recent blood test results. When she entered the same number for the fourth time in a row, she realised she was messing it all up. With a sigh, she backtracked, clearing the fields.

Clara and Sean were pregnant.

Caroline smiled, resting her head against the back of the chair. They were amazing parents, and it was what they had wanted for so long. She was truly bursting with joy for them.

Sometimes, she wondered what it’d be like to be a mother. Children liked her. She was patient, caring and liked to play with them. Throughout her twenties, she had tried to grow into the idea of one day being a mother. Finn had always said he wanted children. So, for a long time, Caroline had just assumed that was the next step on the cards for them. Graduation, setting up their careers, moving in together, marriage and children. All neat and tidy. It was a question she should’ve asked herself and answered honestly before they got married. Probably even before they had got engaged. Somehow, subconsciously, she had decided she didn’t want that life. She didn’t want children of her own. Not now, not ever.

The thing she should’ve told him.

One of the two big reasons their marriage was now dissolved in a puddle of regret and leftover fondness.

Initially, Finn had thought she would change her mind. His unhelpful mother had said the same thing. Her colleagues at hospital had said it. And some of their mutual friends.

Women always change their mind.

Caroline had changed the topic, awkwardly biting her tongue. She’d chewed her lips, bit her fingernails afterwards and asked herself if there was something wrong with her.

He’s going to leave you. Every man wants to be a father, eventually. If you don’t give him a child, you’ll watch him find someone who will.

Once or twice, she had almost convinced herself that maybe, just maybe, she could do it. That maybe it was the right thing to do.

Maybe it would’ve saved them.

But she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to. Not to herself, not to Finn, and most of all, not to a potential child.

Then, she had found out the secret Finn had been keeping from her. And she was able to breathe again, knowing she wasn’t the only one uprooting the anchors of their marriage.

The Excel spreadsheet rudely winked at her, challenging her to get back to work. Caroline stared at it, resigned.

She pulled her phone and opened the contacts. Scrolling through, her finger paused on the screen, where she had reached ‘H’. Second from the top, underneath Henry Adler, her colleague from Glasgow, was the name she wanted.

She checked the time. 8.30 a.m. wasn’t too early to send a message to a guy she had kissed once, almost twice, right?

Chewing on the inside of her left cheek, she opened a new message and started typing.

Hi, Hunter. You wanted my number? Well, here it is.

Hurriedly pressing ‘send’, she hid the phone in the drawer of her desk, equally terrified of both possible outcomes: his reply and the lack of it.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Hunter

Hunter’s forearms ached from leaning over the wooden fence. He straightened his back, cracking his neck. His white T-shirt stuck to his skin. He took off his hat, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead with a polka dot handkerchief. Glancing at his watch, he put his hands to his mouth in a circular shape and shouted, ‘Cody, time’s up!’

A lanky boy with straw-blonde hair sat atop a dun mare. His face turned in an unhappy scowl. ‘I don’t want to go yet!’

Hunter pursed his lips, trying to keep a smile from forming on them. His twelve-year-old nephew was a natural rider. Since he was the one who had helped him into the saddle the very first time, his pride was twofold. It was always a joy to see Cody riding.

If it was up to him, the boy could spend all day right here. But then Hunter would get in trouble with Lorna. His sister-in-law was a very kind woman, most of the time. Especiallyif someone didn’t know her. Having been at the receiving end of her stern glare more than once, Hunter wasn’t in a rush to get on her bad side again.