Page 111 of Back in the Saddle

She swallowed hard, trying to analyse the past few months, particularly the past month. They had a good time together. They were there for each other. She enjoyed his company, and she knew he enjoyed hers. But that was surely it, wasn’t it? Because the alternative was …

An angry honk from behind snapped her back to the present, a mere three seconds after the temporary traffic lights turned green.

The alternative was scary and completely unacceptable.

But you’ve been thinking about it. Wishing for it.

Maybe she was catastrophising. Maybe it really wasn’t as complicated as she made it out to be. Maybe feelings were a good thing.

She lifted her hand in apology and drove through the single file stretch of road. Ten minutes later, she pulled in to the car park. Her cheeks were still a shade of pink when she walked into the building.

Since travelling to San Diego for ASH together, Amira had become even friendlier towards Caroline. It was nice to have someone like her at work; she was a great colleague, maybe even a friend.

‘I met Jake’s parents on Sunday. After only three months of dating! That’s too soon, right?’

When Caroline didn’t answer her, Amira let out a melodramatic sigh and put her hand over her forehead. ‘I knew it was way too soon! What was he thinking?!’

‘I’m sure he was just excited to introduce you to them. Didn’t he say he had a crush on you since, like, day one?’ Caroline said, closing the Excel spreadsheet on her computer. The Monday workday was finally over. ‘How were they?’ she asked, typing a quick email to a medical writer with whom she’d been working on a slide deck for an upcoming steering committee for OnyxRex.

‘They’re fine, I guess,’ Amira huffed, turning round in her swivel chair. ‘But he has three younger sisters –three! Do you know how long the dinner felt when they all ganged up on me? The CIA are probably less intense during their interrogations.’

‘The CIA, huh?’ Caroline asked, not taking her eyes off the computer screen. She clicked several times, exiting all open applications and shutting the system down. ‘I’m sure they weren’t that bad.’

‘But they really were! Can you imagine that—’

Caroline stopped listening. Her eyes bore into the vibrating screen of her personal mobile phone.

Why would he be calling?

‘I’m so sorry, Amira, but I have to take this.’ She jumped up to her feet and almost jogged out of the office, phone in hand.

Once she was safely in the empty hall, she took a deep breath and pressed the green button. ‘Hello, Robb. How are you?’

‘Caroline. Hi.’ There was some crackling at his side of the line. ‘I’m fine, both me and Annie are. I’m sorry to call you over there—’

‘Don’t be silly,’ she interrupted, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I … Well, damn it. I’d better get right to it.’ More cracklingin her speaker. ‘I know that you and Finn have agreed on a divorce. I also know what happened between you.’ He paused. Caroline didn’t say anything. Robb took it as an invitation to continue. ‘I never wanted to get in the middle of whatever it is that you guys are going through. But Annie’s been bugging me about it for weeks and … Fuck, I’m worried about him too.’

‘What are you talking about?’ she choked, in a voice that didn’t belong to her.

‘Finn’s had those headaches; they don’t seem to go away with any meds. And he’s lost the hearing in his left ear.’

Caroline flinched, feeling a sharp pain in her hands. She looked at her left hand and saw red marks where her fingernails dug in.

‘Do you know if he’s seen a doctor?’

‘Well … that’s the thing. He’s been getting various tests and whatnot for weeks now. We were meant to meet up yesterday for a round of golf. But he didn’t show.’

Her mouth felt dry.

‘I went to check on him, still have the spare key, and found him unconscious on the floor. He’s in hospital, but they’re saying he has a mass in his brain.’ Robb paused, tension mixed with worry palpable in the cross-Atlantic connection.

‘I …’ She was lost for words.

‘I’m really worried about him, Car. I’d have never called you if I wasn’t. But is there any way you could come back? I think he wants you here but is too proud to ask you himself.’

Silence.