Page 34 of Ava Stargazer (Planet Xai #2)

“Oh, you’re awake,” Ava said gently, leaning over Vox’s head as he slowly opened his eyes. The amber within looked cloudy and troubled. She had lain down beside him and was resting herself, but woke when she felt him stir. She leaned over him further, too close to his face, as she looked at his eyes opening. “How do you feel?”

His voice came out a bit rusty. “I’ve felt better. How long ... ?”

“A full cycle. But you stopped shaking a while ago. Rhutg checked in on you and said you were okay, but to not do any more ... breaking ... for a long time.”

The lights were on low in the engine room, a compromise for night between the dark Vox preferred and the light Ava needed. But still, Vox squinted as if it was too bright, and his blue face looked pale even in the minimal light.

Ava stood and brought him over some water and a plate of food. She sat both on the bed next to them, bringing the water cup close. “Can you eat?”

He ignored the food but accepted the water from her hands. He sat up and drank it slowly.

She itched to talk with him about her ruminations from the night before but choked down the words, watching his hand shake a bit holding the cup. Not while he is still not feeling well. “Can I get you anything more?”

Vox shook his head and sighed. He scooted to the edge of the bed and stood fluidly, stretching and flexing his muscles, raising his legs and stepping down heavily with each when he was done. “I will walk and get more water.”

Ava watched him walk off, hearing the shower start in the control room a second later. She busied herself with cleaning the room, and fed the biologics until a wet, mostly naked Vox came back, much more alert, with another plate of food for them both and more water on a tray.

“I’m better now. The water helped.”

Relief flowed over her, seeing him standing strong. Her voice slightly shook as she said, “I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Rhutg said you need to rest for a long while.”

Vox didn’t respond as he held his food up and began to eat while standing. Then he grumbled, “I will keep you safe, Ava. Rest or no rest,” and sat down on the bed next to her.

She held the fork in her hands while she looked down and squared her shoulders. “No, Vox. I need you safe too. It goes both ways. When we get back to Xai, we will take a long break. Maybe this was too soon after going to Torga. We can—”

Vox looked up at her, his gaze hardening as he cut her off. “Ava. We do not stop that easily. It was necessary.”

She tilted her head to the side. “At what end cost though? What if you didn’t wake up? I don’t like seeing you hurting ... for me.”

Vox put down the fork and pushed his plate of food to the side with crisp movements. He motioned toward himself with his hands. “Come here,” he said in a deep voice.

Ava didn’t listen. She stood in front of him, feeling obstinate. “I mean it.”

Vox narrowed his eyes. “So do I.”

When she didn’t move he said softly, “Now.”

His tone more than anything made her put her food on the bedside table and walk to stand before him, close, crossing her arms. Vox reached out and pulled her arms, bringing her down to him. She felt the strength in his hands as she sat on the bed next to him. He said in a terse voice, “I am not that fragile, Ava. I will not have my mate taking care of me like I am a kit, encouraging me to not take action because of fear. Do you understand? If you ultimately choose me, that will not be our dynamic. Now. Or ever.”

Ava didn’t respond. She just looked at him a bit in shock at his tone and the intensity in his eyes.

His hands gentled and tilted her face up to his. “Do you understand?”

Ava averted her gaze again. “So I am not allowed to worry about you?”

“Not in a way that we start compromising plans and changing things that need to happen because we are afraid of risk.”

Ava’s voice came out in a huff. “But Rhutg...”

“I will speak with Rhutg.”

Ava felt a prick of tears, as if she had been scolded. She turned away. For caring.

He leaned over and gathered her in his arms. His mental tone was gentler in her mind as it filtered in. “Your caring is wonderful. I accept it fully. But I draw the line when that takes priority over things we need to do for our safety . If you need to worry as a mother, then I’ll be more than happy to breed you a kit. Or I’ll trade for a coar for you when we get back. ”

Ava winced, turning in his arms. “Stop. You’re making me feel bad now.” Tears began to gather in her eyes, and one rolled down her cheek.

He gentled his hands on her again, stroking down her side. She breathed heavily, her hands balled into the blanket underneath.

He took his hand and wiped the tear from her face. “Sweet bird. That is not my intent. It is not in our nature to be vulnerable. I protect, not the other way around.”

Ava, feeling chastised, didn’t fully bend in his arms. Instead, she pushed him away. “No, Vox.”

He turned still as a stone, listening.

Her voice became heated, echoing off the walls in her engine alcove. “It is like earlier with the marking decision. Always like earlier. You make decisions and I go along with your plans. But I’m allowed to be scared and talk things through with you."

She forced herself to meet his eyes, with her hands still balled in her lap. “I want to choose things together. I won’t hold you back, but we need to agree.”

Vox sighed, his eyes roaming her face. Silence built between them and Ava held his eyes. Finally Vox leaned forward, connecting his head to her chest, showing her the vulnerable backside of his neck. “Forgive me, Ava. I am unaccustomed to feeling weak. What I just said was stronger than I meant in my vulnerability.” He lifted his head and dipped his face into her shoulder, nose in her neck. “I do not want to be told to stop, to turn back. I do not like feeling this way and want to power through. Especially if my instincts tell me to fight.” He looked at Ava imploringly. “I have lost, my people have lost, from inaction before.”

Ava softened, hearing his unspoken words. His fear and pain. “I just don’t want what I feel to be ignored.”

Vox took his hand and softly ran it down her cheek in that tilted way of his so his hands didn’t scratch, and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Then speak. There is a plan in your mind that your concern for me is making you shy away from and not discuss. This is what I mean. What I meant. You yourself have an idea, and then turned back from it out of fear for me. Of not wanting to stress me when I am weak. What is it? I will listen. I can compromise.”

Ava bit her lip and didn’t answer.

“Little bird, don’t make me probe further.” He nipped her on the shoulder as he shone. “I am weary.”

Ava looked at him with baleful eyes and didn’t respond at first. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to take it easy on you if you’re weary. Or care. Now it feels like you’re mocking me,”

“Ava. What is it?” He cleared his throat. “Please?”

That word still worked on her, despite her wanting to hold on to the disagreement. Vox didn’t push further, he just watched as she took her time, his eyes still clouded a bit from pain.

Ava huffed, frustrated, as she became unglued. She noticed the way his posture drooped a bit. He’s still hurting. She breathed out and said in a rush, “It’s something Fijjak said to me a while ago. He told me it’s not too late as long as someone could still speak. That the worst thing to do is be silent and let history be made by others if you still have a voice.”

Vox held still, listening. “Fijjak is wise. The Spry have been around a long, long time.”

“He said the Vorbax would have been erased too, had you not spoken up and fought.”

“This is true. The Tuxa tried to do with us what the Riolie did with Humans. And this is why I will not rest if there are things that need done. And Fijjak said this to you before Cipra?”

“Yes.” Ava looked at him, her eyes wide and fearful. “I want to do something to show that I’m here, that I exist. And that Humans can think for ourselves. That we are sentient. Can I do that?”

Vox held her tight, the argument they had earlier dissolving with his humming and gentle stroking her down her side. “Why would you think I would disagree with that? With you having a voice?”

“Because it would put a bigger target on us.” Because on Torga you didn’t want me exposed.

He picked up on that thought with a wince. “You still did the mission on Torga though. I did not stop you.”

Ava countered. “And you worried about me.”

“For good reason.”

“Like I worry now for you?”

Vox frowned and shifted his body where he sat, looking defeated. “I do not like feeling weak. I am fine.”

Ava just stared at him, deciding to let it go for now as she took in his tired eyes. She instead firmed her thoughts, now determined. “I want to go through the data, and I want to have something official about Humans saying we can think and that I am one of them, living on Xai. Reclassify us as a Class 1.”

Vox took her hand off where it rested on her biologics and held it tightly in his own. He rubbed his thumb over hers. “The Spry is wise with what he said. Let us speak with Iryl to build on what he’s done in those meetings with the Tuxa already, saying you are a part of us. So the Tuxa and any others know that we have an agreement from you and Joy to bond with us instead of it just being one way.”

A flash of fear ran down her spine. “Okay. I’m afraid to do more, to do things that will put a target on Humanity’s back. Isn’t that a danger, if we make too many waves?”

“What more could be done to Humans? Also, we did just destroy Cipra,” Vox said flatly.

“Rhutg said the same thing.”

“Well, it is a fact. Waves are going to be coming.”

Ava leaned forward and put her head in her hands. “I don't know. Politics. It all confuses me.”

“Humanity has already almost been torn apart. We do not need to make any grand announcement yet; just having it official, or on the record, is enough. These things happen in stages. We need time to go through everything if we are going to expose the Riolie’s actions.”

She wrung her hands as he said it, feeling the truth of the words. “You’re right.”

Vox shifted his weight to hold Ava more easily in his arms. “We will claim you, Ava.”

“What about the Vorbax Quorum?”

“What about them?”

Ava gave him a flat stare, bristling that his casual confidence that his way was right was back. “You can’t just speak for everyone, Vox. I might not know that much about politics but even I know that.”

“Watch me.” Vox’s lips twitched slightly.

Ava glared at him. “ You clearly feel fine enough to be arrogant.”

Vox just chuckled. “Alright, alright. I’m not this time, though. Pyra coming with is a symbol enough that there is cooperation. I know you don't want to hear this, but Zeed already spoke about it, how our genetics logically would combine. That also has helped, having that clarity.”

“Zeed said any children would look like the Vorbax.” She flushed. Maybe Humanity will be erased in a different way, after all.

He put his finger under her chin. “Not completely.”

“Somewhat.”

“I see it more as evolving. For both of us. They say that, but do we really know the full extent until it happens?”

Ava chewed on that a moment.

Vox continued. “At any rate, that, plus the men...” His eyes rolled back, the dark amber circle hitting the top of his eyelid. “Like Zeed, they are anxious for more. We are in need of more women after the Tuxa invasion. This is crude, but true. And makes it even easier if our genetics would assimilate that easily.”

“I am not ready for children.”

“I know, Ava. But others might be. And that’s enough.”

Vox settled back into the bed and reached to pull her down with him. “We can speak more with the others later. I need to rest. Another cycle of rest and then we can talk more clearly.”

Ava didn’t add out loud, “And it will give us a pause anyways, for you to heal.”

Vox didn’t comment on that thought, but she knew he heard by the way he sighed. He reached for her and Ava rested with him, relieved that he was no longer shaking, and his arm was steady across her chest.