Page 89 of Arranged Addiction

“I’ve been here before,” I say as a wave washes over me. I can’t identify the emotion at first. It pounds me down and makes me feel flat and destroyed.

Slowly, I slip from the booth. Declan’s watching me carefully and stays very close. “I bet you grew up in this place. It was different all those years ago, but they kept the same stuff the same. I think it changed ownership a few times.”

I hurry to the bathrooms. Declan follows, and I don’t care if he thinks I’ve gone insane. I rush into the women’s room, heart racing into my throat, and practically run to the sinks. I kneel down at the far left and look underneath the counter.

There, scratched into the wood, are my initials.

Tears clog my throat and spill down my cheeks.

I run my fingers over those letters, and I can see my mother all over again. Her dark reddish hair, her enormous smile, and incredible laugh.

Declan kneels down beside me, a hand on my knee.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you’d like it.”

“No, I do. I love this, it’s just—” I guide his hand and make him touch the initials. “My mother did that when I was a little girl. I was so scandalized, but she told me it was okay. Sometimes breaking the rules is okay, so long as they’re small rules and nobody gets hurt. I can’t believe it’s still here.”

He smiles sadly and watches me. “Your parents loved you.”

“They did. I mean, I don’t fully understand what things were like, you know? I was a kid back then. I didn’t know about the crime and all that.”

“They were just your mom and dad. They tried to give you a normal life.”

“I guess so.”

“Aside from promising you to me.”

“Right, aside from that.”

“It’s a good thing. They cared enough to go out of their way to make you feel like you were just a regular person. My parents never did that for me. I was born into the Whelans, and there’s not a single moment of my life where I wasn’t reminded of that.”

“I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been.”

“Hard but good. I had purpose. I had a place. Without your parents, it must’ve been terrible.”

“Those early days were. But Sheila pulled me out of it. She gave me everything…” I trail off. He’s looking at me, his lips close to mine, his breath warm on my face. I touch his nose, running my thumb down to his mouth before cupping his chin. “No, that’s not right, is it? She didn’t have much to give. But you did.”

He shakes his head. “Sheila did everything that mattered. I just wrote the checks.”

“You didn’t have to do that, right? Once my parents were gone, you didn’t owe me anything.”

“I wanted to help. We had a connection.”

“One I didn’t even know about.”

“I wanted to do right.”

Some of the tension and anger in my chest begins to fade. He should’ve told me sooner—but the fact that he didn’t can’t erase how much better my life’s been because of him.

I’ve chosen to focus on the bad parts.

But the truth is, he saved my life. Sheila gave me a family and all the love I needed, while Declan made sure I had every resource imaginable.

Without him, I don’t know where I’d be.

I was just a lost girl with no parents. He could’ve walked away, and nobody would have ever blamed him for a second.

Instead, he devoted himself to me.