Page 10 of Apricity (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse)

Jax

I wake up to a soft hand trailing across my torso. Its fingers, playing with my chest hair, draw out a relaxing sigh from deep within my lungs. My cock instantly reacting to the subtle movements.

I slept well last night. And even though there were four of us crammed together on a king-sized bed for the umpteenth night in a row, the tight heavy press of bodies surrounding me was actually soothing. That is, until the morning brought all of my fears into the daylight.

There’s no fence. No garden. No stock. We’re on the cusp of winter with dwindling supplies in an area that’s as rural as they come.

Fuck.

No.... This is just a little hiccup. Nothing to get so worked up over. Just need to calm the fuck down.

I take a deep breath and count to ten before I do it again, grounding myself with each intake as well as with what I feel around me. Sadie’s nose sniffs my palm where it dangles over the side of the bed.

Inhale.

Fingers move across my chest again, squeezing my pectoral muscle. Count to ten. Soft puffs of breath meet the middle of my shoulder blades.

Exhale.

I manage to still my racing heart before I turn over on the bed, only to have it jumpstarted all over again.

“Good morning, baby OOOOH MY GOD!” I jerk away from Hawk’s half-asleep form, his arm still hanging partially around my waist, precariously close to my dick.

He looks up, smiling drowsily and unknowingly at me as I gape at him, looking around frantically for the one I thought I was playing little spoon for.

Where the fuck is she?

Hawk is next to me and behind him is Cole, snuggled all kinds of close to him but awake and aware of what just happened.

At my reaction, Cole laughs to himself as he wraps his arm around Hawk, cooing sarcastically in a thick southern drawl the entire time.

“That’s ok, baby, momma’s got you. Come here, sugar.

” Hawk goes willingly into Cole’s arms and, if his loud snores are any indication, falls fast asleep again.

Cole returns my bewildered stare with a smirk.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s fucking cold in here ever since Aly got up and went to the bathroom and this fucker is like a furnace.

” My lips tighten, hiding my laugh that’s about to erupt.

“He’s my fire chicken. Mine. Go find your own.

Shoo,” Cole says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

I shake my head at them, chuckling under my breath so I don’t wake Hawk, and look up just in time to see Aly glide out from the bathroom.

Throwing the blanket off me, I set my feet on the chilly floor and step toward her.

The temperature has definitely dropped since the storm pushed through during the night and even though it was roasting in the bed with the four of us, I’m, now, frozen solid as I stand alone in just my boxer briefs.

Opening my arms, I move to pull Aly close, not only for affection but to warm my ass up. But even that doesn’t go my way.

“Aaaaah!” At first, I think the loud screeching sound is coming from Aly, but I suddenly want to hide under the bed in shame when I find it was, in fact, me doing the screeching. “Holy fucking hell, why’re you so cold?!”

Thump… Thump

“OOF!”

I look over to those sounds and find both Hawk and Cole splayed out on the floor. They must have fallen out of the bed.

“Holy fucking bananas, Batman! Who in the fuck killed a mutha-fucking cat? Who was it? Was it you?” Hawk looks around at all of us before pointing an accusatory finger at me, lifting an eyebrow in judgement.

I hold up my hands, surrendering. “No one killed anything, dickface, except you when you killed my fucking boner this morning.” I point my finger right back at him, accusing his sorry ass for my clickbait wakeup call.

Hawk jerks his head back confused as Cole starts howling, loudly, from under him. His chest bouncing so much with laughter that the movement effectively pushes Hawk off, allowing him to sit up.

“Aly, beautiful, was Hawk cuddling you just now?” Cole asks for the benefit of everyone, most especially Hawk.

“Uh, no. I just came out of the shower.” She points a thumb back towards the bathroom as she looks at me, pushing my chest playfully as she speaks.

“Which is why I’m freezing because I wanted to clean up again after last night’s…

everything... but forgot the water heater doesn’t work anymore. So I sucked it up and took a cold one.”

Ahh, so that’s why she felt like an ice cube.

Gonna have to fix that today. In addition to the heat pump not working, there’s also the fact that the water pump connected to the well won’t work anymore, either.

Not without the solar panels or the backup generator.

Which means, at this time, we no longer have a working solution for getting water from the well to the house and Aly probably just unknowingly used everything in the reserve tanks…

Looks like I’m taking a shit in the woods this morning…

Top of the list: fix the fucking waterworks. But first…

Hawk looks at Aly, confused before turning back to Cole. “Ok….” He lifts his finger to his lips, putting his thinking face on before pointing at Cole with raised eyebrows. Cole responds by raising his hands and biting his lower lip.

“Hey, man, I didn’t cuddle you till just a little bit ago. It’s a fucking icebox in here and you’re warm as fuck.” He shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head and pursing his lips. “ I don’t regret it.” Cole crosses his arms, unashamed of his little cuddle party.

“Hey, no worries. Cuddle bros for life, dude,” Hawk replies, lifting his fist to bump it against Cole’s before turning to my intimidating form with a wince. “Uhhh…”

I cross my arms over my chest waiting for him to figure it out but decide to rip off the band-aid as he stumbles over his own words.

“You squeezed my man titty. Grabbed it. Caressed the fuck out of it. And yeah, I’ll admit, I was into it.” I drop my smile. “Thought you were Aly, though.”

Hawk’s eyebrows jump to his hairline just as his eyes seem to leap out of his skull.

It takes a second but I guess he comes to terms with this morning’s events, fixing his face into one of suave carelessness.

“Well, uh… all I gotta say is… nice pecs, my man,” he says while pointing finger guns in my direction, clicking his tongue in emphasis.

Placing the cherry on top, he ends his sign language tirade with grabby hands and a well-placed rawr.

Fucking asshole.

I can’t help but laugh, flip him off and move on, though. That’s just Hawk. He’s always had a laidback personality and , even though I'm definitely gonna bust his balls for it, I’m not about to fault him for cuddling when we’ve done the same exact thing to keep warm in the field before.

“Breakfast?” I ask, moving the conversation away from how cuddly I am as a living, breathing teddy bear and back to more important issues.

Everyone responds overlappingly before they all race to the other side of the cabin where the kitchen is.

Cole must have made his way over prior to our closing arguments because he’s already placing a bottle of water in front of Aly.

“Make sure to drink it all, beautiful,” he whispers into her hair just loud enough for Hawk and myself to hear and make sure she abides by his request. On his list of things he does not take lightly, consent is at the top, immediately followed by hydration.

After how the boys found Aly earlier this year, dehydrated as fuck and recovering from a borderline sugar coma, Cole makes sure to keep an eye on everything that goes into Aly’s body.

Her responding nod, and an almost imperceivable “ aye aye, cap’n,” draws a small smile from the doc who, then, grants her a kiss to the crown of her head as a reward for listening so pliantly.

I envy their relationship. It seems easy. Even with his rules and boundaries, Aly seems to thrive in his presence. Hawk’s too. The carefree nature he has with her, the ability to lighten the mood at any given moment, it’s refreshing.

Then, there’s me. Perpetually looking pissed off all the time.

Only I’m not pissed off, per say, I’m vigilant.

Protective. Someone needs to make sure everything’s running smoothly and if that makes me the mother hen of the group, so be it.

As I pull out ingredients for breakfast, however, the mother hen in me erupts.

I glare at the stove, barely restraining my fist from crushing the piece of bread in my hand, as a snarl takes over my face and a deep unrestrained growl crawls up my throat.

I know I’m being childish, flipping the fuck out over a piece of bread, but it’s not even about the damn food.

No matter where I turn, I’m bombarded with proof of my failure.

That even though I did my best, I didn’t do nearly enough.

We have no electricity anymore. The solar panels and generator are fucked.

Which means after all the work and years I’ve spent preparing my properties, we’ve been reduced to stone age technology.

Turning away from my latest trigger, I throw the bread I sliced up for toast onto the counter and charge my way out the front door and around to the side of the cabin.

I hear Hawk call out from behind me, asking, ‘ Wait, where’re you going ?

’ To which I simply reply, “Out!” They don’t need to see me have a breakdown over breakfast. I’m embarrassed enough that I don’t even want to see myself like this but, unfortunately, my brain says otherwise.

A small fire pit, surrounded by bricks and Adirondack chairs, becomes the focus of my fury as I begin to throw wood at it from the chopped pile. Some pieces make it in, some bounce off at weird angles, others miss completely. I’m too frustrated to care.

The last few years come barreling to the forefront of my mind. All the preparation. All the money spent just in case. All the time and effort to keep my chosen family safe and secure. Completely. Fucking. Useless.

I chuck another cord of wood over to the pit’s direction, blind to whether or not it actually makes its destination but using the manual labor to drain the feeling of failure from my soul.

It’s not until a cough sounds behind me that I pause and turn to see Cole standing next to the pit, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, waiting.

Of course, it’s Cole. That’s his fucking role, isn’t it?

He ties the group together. The healer. The damn know-it-all.

Hawk’s the fixer. Need a good laugh? He’s your guy.

Need someone to shoot something? He’s right there, insanity and everything.

But me? I was the protector. The fucking guardian, and now I’m not even that.

That's right asshole... you've been demoted.

“Playing with your wood isn’t going to fix it, you know?”

Oh, hah hah hah… very fucking funny, dick.

I turn back around, heaving another three pieces blindly behind me.

On the fourth toss, I turn around and throw only to see Cole catch it midair and set it in its proper place in the pit for me.

Looking around for the other discarded pieces, it looks like he’s done that for all of them.

I roll my eyes, shaking my head and crossing my arms as he steps towards me.

“Look, I get it, bro. The storm fucked everything up, including your control. Now’s the time to focus on taking it back, not have a bitch fit with a pile of wood.”

“Maybe I’m controlling my reaction to everything by choosing to throw a bitch fit with a pile of wood,” I retort, growling the words from between my gritted teeth, cocking my head, and waiting for his rebuttal.

“Well, seeing how out of control your throws were just now, I’d say that you’re doing a fabulous job of it. Wouldn’t you say?”

Fuck his sarcasm and his logic. “A person is allowed to erupt every once in a while, goddammit.”

“Of course, you are, but you need to do it in a positive way,” Cole says in response to the words I didn’t know I muttered out loud. Aly must be rubbing off on me or I’ve just hit my boiling point and am losing myself, now. Great. More loss of control .

Cole reaches his arm out to me, just like he did that one day at the estate when I was losing myself.

“Think, Jax. Think about what we need and delegate. We have no more electricity, or hot water, but guess what? We have a gas stove. That’s something.

We can even cook your toast over the burner if we want to.

We have the fire pit outside and a wood burning stove inside to keep us warm.

We also have a shit ton of candles because either you knew something like this would happen, or you’re hiding a sappy romantic deep inside that steel cage you keep your heart in.

Now take a moment, close your eyes, breathe and just think. What is it that we need ?”

I huff with objection but concede anyways, closing my eyes as I take a few deep breaths. The stress lightens a little bit, which helps clear the red from the sides of my vision, so I continue to do as he says. Think. What do we need? Not what would make it easier, but basic, simple needs.

We need shelter. We have that.

We need food and water. We have some reserves left, and the property is equipped with a well for water. It’s suitable for drinking and bathing but we need to get it into the house now that the pump is no longer functioning.

Tasks.

He said to delegate.

Focus

We need to find a way to get the water to the house.

Whether it be carrying it in with buckets or finding another way for the pump to work, we need to figure out something.

The solar panels are shot but can we mend the generator?

I haven’t checked on the full extent of the damage to it apart from the obviously busted up housing as well as trying to turn it on, which was an absolute failure.

But, we’re in Farmville, USA right now, which means I’m probably not the only one that had a generator on hand.

We could scout for one. Or at the very least, the parts we may need to fix the one we have.

And while we’re looking for that, we can stock up on supplies and food at the same time.

Tasks.

Delegation.

Security. We have no security. No fence. Nothing to keep out, well, anything. Zombies, bad guys, fucking bears. We’re vulnerable to the umpth degree right now.

Tasks.

Delegation.

My breathing slows. My heartrate settles to a steadier rhythm. Cole nods as he takes in my calmer form, encouraging me to continue with whatever the fuck he thinks I’m doing.

What am I doing?

I’m a leader. I need to lead. It’s where I belong.

Tasks.

Delegation.

I nod back at Cole. “I know what I need to do. What we need to do.” Abandoning the pile of wood in the pit, I turn and head back into the cabin, full of purpose, drive and focus.

“Alright, everyone on me. Here’s what we need to do.”