Page 6 of Amateur Goddess (Morrigan University #3)

I jumped like a kid caught doing something wrong and fell on my ass when I lost my balance. Wyatt looked just as thrown like we’d both forgotten others were there.

He sighed and offered me a hand to stand up as he pushed to his feet. He frowned when I just stared at it. “I’m not upset with you. I just—it’s not always easy to answer to your damn big sister anytime I interact with you.”

“That’s not remotely fair and my issues are legit,” Tracey seethed. “You putting yourself on the magic of our house is overbearing, Derek. You are overbearing and it worries me. It has to scare her at times and I get to say that! You’re a pompous, dismissive asshole sometimes, and even if you apologize well, you need to have less reason to apologize.”

“What the hell happened here?” I asked, gesturing between them.

Wyatt sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I was an asshole. She summed it up well.” He turned to Tracey then. “I accept all of that. I do. It was partially how I was raised, but a lot of it was the shield I used to survive my asshole family. I didn’t even realize how I was still doing some of it until Winter and Bevin pointed it out.

“So I accept that. If you have any ideas on how to fucking fix it instead of always just pointing out my flaws, that would actually be helpful. However , you seem to enjoy men struggling and lighting matches to anything flammable around you. I’m not wrong that it could fucking backfire all over Bevin if you’re not more careful. And you are just as dismissive.”

“Not just as dismissive,” Jasmine cut in. “But you guys got off on the wrong foot, and now her shield is up. You both need a real ceasefire and reset. Tracey’s objections are valid. You’re seven years older than Bevin and her teacher. You guys have had misunderstandings and they’re worrisome.”

“I know that!” Wyatt bellowed but then let out a huff and turned away to let out some deep breaths before turning back and facing them both. “I know that. Do you think I planned to ever have feelings for a student? A freshman no less? Of course not! This could ruin my career, and I don’t have a second plan or anything to fall back on like you do if it doesn’t work out.

“I don’t know what I’m doing either, and I’m just trying to help. At every turn, all I’m trying to do is fucking help and not get eaten by my panic for her when she doesn’t even seem to like me some days. And you two constantly trying to get in the way of fixing anything when I am useful and you both make it clear you like others better is—fuck off. Seriously.”

He circled away and I couldn’t hide my shock, blinking up at them.

“We might have gone too far,” Jasmine sighed, rubbing her neck. “He is a very confusing man.” She nodded when I snorted. “He’s got his emotional armor wrapped around him so tightly that it’s hard to gauge who he really is.”

“But it’s not for either of you to decide,” Nigel said quietly. “It’s for Bevin, and you’re being pretty crappy friends to make trouble she has to handle instead of supporting her even if she makes mistakes. That’s what being our age is all about, and she’s never dated before. How horrible is it that people she should trust most just blew up something in her life like that?”

I wasn’t sure there was anything I could even add when both looked like they’d been kicked in the stomach just by his words.

But I still did because it involved me.

“He’s right, but I know you both aren’t wrong,” I said firmly. “ But I’m tired of so much going on behind my back. I just had the same blowup with Sergey.” I met Tracey’s gaze. “The phone call last night?” I nodded when she winced. “There’s a difference between protecting me and taking things off my plate and making me seem incapable of handling my affairs.”

“You’re not incapable, Bev, you’re eighteen,” Tracey said gently. “These are affairs you shouldn’t have to deal with.”

“Yeah, but Sergey’s a whole nineteen , and I bet no one on that call thought of that?” I pushed.

“I did,” she admitted. “ However , he’s been out in the world and tapped in. He has black market connections that he’s in contact with. He handles that for him and his mom now. That’s not a normal nineteen-year-old. That’s what gives him a pass, not his dick.”

“I would agree, but I did not just hear anything about the black market,” Mrs. Oliveria muttered. She gave me a worried look. “It’s—you have an innocence about you that makes nice people itch to protect. I say that as a mother and someone who has known you since you were a tot. You have been touched by too much evil at eighteen, and we all just want to protect you.”

“Protecting her can’t look like keeping her sheltered after she’s been sheltered intentionally, and that’s something she struggles with,” Nigel snapped but then apologized. “I’m sorry. I am.” He huffed and ran his hands over his head. “I don’t ever want her to come to me again like she did that no one was listening to her and she’s scared. It will happen if she can’t trust you.”

“You’re right,” Jasmine accepted, meeting my gaze. “You both are.” She waited for us to back down. “I’m new to all of this. I don’t have any siblings or family I really talk to because they’re embarrassed with me constantly acting like a man.” She nodded when Mrs. Oliveria and Tracey made disgusted noises. “So I’m sorry we’ve been tripping up.”

That was fair. “I’m sorry we have so much to trip over.”

“Yeah, me too, Bev,” Tracey sighed. “We’ll handle things with Derek. Maybe get someone to moderate after we have a few days to cool off.”

“Winter,” I suggested. “He’s really good at that and he knows Derek well.” I might have said more, but Jasmine didn’t like him as a suggestion.

What was going on now?

“We can try it,” Jasmine quickly said before I could ask her. “Let’s table all of this and focus on the task at hand.” She glanced at her watch. “Now, quickly—this is the second key you’ve found? I don’t remember school enough about a key.”

I explained what Wyatt had told me about the key of Hecate and how I’d already found one with Bé?inn’s image. Then I remembered I’d taken a picture of it and hurried to pull it up on my phone to show them.

“It’s definitely for a different lock, but the image of Bé?inn is different too,” Tracey muttered as she enlarged the photo. “This second one looks like—hopeful? Her face seems hopeful whereas in the first one it’s more like worried.”

I didn’t disagree, but I didn’t think that images showed that much. Then again, Tracey was much better at reading people than I was.

“I don’t know that much can be inferred from the images, but if I had to put a label on the expressions, I would think the same,” Mrs. Oliveria said after studying it. “They’re definitely different, and the goddess is giving you a gift that’s here.” She nodded when I frowned. “If there are different keys, they open something at the locations you received them.”

“That makes the most sense, but we need to know more about them,” Jasmine muttered. “But that’s dangerous.”

“It is, so we need to start all being on the same page and same side ,” I said firmly. “Because if you go looking into things and Wyatt is looking into things and now Mrs. Oliveria is going to look into things…” I gestured to the woman who didn’t even deny it.

Hell, she practically had a sign above her head.

“Mark has access to archives, and I can look into things quietly,” she defended.

“But Bevin’s right that we need to do this better,” Tracey agreed. “There are too many cooks in the kitchen and people giving themselves that role.” She gestured between the two of us. “This is the original team. This is the decision-making team.” Then she pointed to Jasmine. “With our legal advisor jumping in now.”

“I could argue that I was on the original team with Henry, but this isn’t about pride and what’s best for Bevin,” Mrs. Oliveria said after a moment. “But you are both correct that we all need to get on the same page. A weekly dinner or something when Bevin does her session with Mark.” She looked to me to say what I was feeling.

“I think that’s smart,” I agreed after a moment. “But it’s you and Council—Mr. Oliveria who Grandfather trusted. Not a councilman who will tell others. I also want to know more about the archives. Are they signed out? Who knows about the access, or could it raise red flags?”

“Fair and yes, we are here and involved as friends of your grandfather’s,” she said firmly. She gave me a look that I couldn’t interpret. “Which means you need to start telling us everything. The five of us to be on your team.”

Her, her mate, Tracey, Jasmine… And Wyatt.

I sighed and nodded, also understanding that she probably knew that I could talk to animals.

Tracey rubbed my shoulder. “I think Link too. He’s proven he’ll put you first and is on the team. But it’s your choice.”

And that was the problem I had with Wyatt.

I hadn’t chosen him.

He’d involved himself.

He’d given himself the roles.

He’d taken over parts of my life.

He’d known more about me when we’d slept together and I’d been clueless.

Clearly, we needed to resolve some of that for real if there was ever going to be any actual trust between us. At least on my end.

I had no idea how to handle that though.

Tracey said she would get the process started to buy the place, chuckling when I gulped at the ten-million-dollar price tag for two thousand acres and the house I hadn’t even been inside yet. She got us to the new facility that had to be overhauled for what we needed but had been a quick sale for a steal.

Or so she said and I trusted her.

I worked for hours on handling my part of the treats. Nigel was right there with me and did most of the manual labor, chuckling that it was a good workout and he got paid for it when I apologized.

Right, he worked for me now.

That made me frown. Everything was so intermingled and complicated. Yes, I’d started it all by suggesting Sergey’s mom and then asking Mrs. Rose about her training, but… I was overwhelmed. I was seriously and completely overwhelmed, and I didn’t know how to handle any of it.

So I texted the one person who had repeatedly helped me sort out my feelings and figure out what to do when I was all tied up.

“Are you mad at me, Bev?” Nigel asked quietly when we wrapped up.

“No, not at all,” I promised him. “I’m just…” I snorted and scrubbed my face. “Is there anything past overloaded? Fucked in the head?”

He leaned in and kissed my hair. “I think you’re doing great. I couldn’t juggle all of this.”

“Thanks for all the help. I’m glad we’re friends.” I shot him a worried look.

“We’re friends,” he confirmed. “You know I like you, but you’re seriously overloaded and I won’t add to that. I know you don’t hate me and maybe could have feelings for me. That’s enough for me.”

For right now, but that “right now” seemed to have a long shelf life which was awesome since I was drowning.

I thanked him and then one of the employees who worked for Rita who set the circle to send us back to school. I had replies from Winter and told Nigel I’d see him later. He said he’d walk me wherever but didn’t press when we arrived at the master’s students’ dorm.

Winter answered my first knock with worry all over his face. “Hey, sorry to make you come here, but weekends are our busiest times.”

“No, yeah, of course,” I accepted. “Sorry to have bothered you when you’re working.”

Winter frowned and leaned in with his cheek towards my face, giving the hint of what he wanted but not making me feel pressured.

I kissed his cheek and almost broke down crying.

“Hey, whatever it is, we can figure it out, little sexy,” he whispered as he hugged me to him and pulled me inside. I felt his magic flare and guessed that he put up a privacy barrier or did something with security.

He brought me over to his bed and sat me down before going back to his desk and checking a few things. Then he looked across his desk at me. “What’s going on, Bev? I thought you’d be over the moon with the success of your treats?”

It all came pouring out in a long ramble that I didn’t know if it even made sense. I told him about the meeting with the top-tier heads and how all of them had set it up to abduct me to bring me back to my father. That was just acceptable and they knew they wouldn’t be punished.

And I helped them get more powerful selling them toys for their familiars.

I’d profited off of their corruption and I was ashamed. I hadn’t admitted that yet, but it was what I felt. I was so ashamed that I’d help give power to those who did such horrible things.

Then I told him about another councilman acting like that. Feeling closer to Sergey when he made it better and having sex and then feeling like the rug was pulled out from under me when he went behind my back… With Wyatt.

And so much of what I was feeling came down to Wyatt. I didn’t know what Tracey and Jasmine had done to him or what made him blow, but I admitted that I still hadn’t told him that I could talk to animals.

“I hate to interrupt, but I really feel like I’m missing part of what’s going on here, Bev,” Winter said gently. “I thought things were getting better.”

“Things have been more stable,” I said after a moment. “We—the training is good, but he sneaks kisses, and—I’ve never had a choice with him.”

Darkness filled his eyes. “You always have a choice, Bev. Always.”

“No, I know I can tell him no, but it would be an issue, and it’s not worth that over a kiss,” I grumbled, frowning when he winced. “What?”

“I would be devastated if you felt that way about me,” he admitted, swallowing loudly. “If you kissed me or let me kiss you so there wasn’t an issue—I’d be destroyed.”

“You wouldn’t make it an issue,” I defended, jumping to my feet as fresh tears started. “You’d just check if I was okay or if you did something. You give me the choice all the time. He doesn’t. He just takes.” I wiped my eyes. “He knew who I was and knew that I thought he was a student. He’s always been—I wouldn’t have touched him no matter the potion if I’d known!”

“Okay, okay, little sexy,” he whispered when I did break down crying. “Please, your tears kill me.”

“I’m tired. I’m really tired, and I hate that I’m crying to you and so weak, but it’s all too much, and I’m scared of Wyatt still. I am. He gets—I hate that he sighs at me. Like—I feel like he hates that he wants me. I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t drug him. Why do I have to bear that? And then he wants to manage my life and get sex? It hurt what he said.”

“Yeah, it really did,” he murmured as he rubbed my back. “I can feel it and how tired you are.” He kissed my hair. “Tell me the rest, but I think you know what I’m going to say.”

“I don’t know that I can,” I rasped. “He doesn’t listen to me.”

“Then you end things, Bev. But you need to tell him all of this. He doesn’t understand he’s doing anything wrong right now. He thinks he’s having cute study dates with you and fixing what broke.” He nodded when I looked up at him. “His words. I asked, and that was what he said.”

I was speechless.

Then I just felt guilty. I sat back on his bed and didn’t know what to say. How could Wyatt and I see something so differently?

“You have to talk to him or you’re going to ruin the working relationship and friendship you could have.” He nodded when I glanced at him. “Yes, you. You’re making the choice not to handle this, Bev. That’s going to do the damage.”

I swallowed loudly and stared at my hands. “Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“You’re right, and I’m not mad. I completely understand how this comedy of errors came about. You guys tripped from the start and have been fumbling along. But you need to stop it because he thinks you’re in step now. And clearly, you’re not.” He blew out a slow breath when I didn’t say anything. “Do you like him?”

I opened my mouth but then closed it. “I’m attracted to him. Some of what’s happened is hot, but it’s all tangled up in him sighing when I got upset or didn’t like the games he wanted to play.” I wiped my eyes and met his gaze. “I liked the guy who supported me when the attack happened. I liked the guy who respected me when we had the session with Quinn.”

“But he oversteps and wipes that away,” Winter sighed. “You gotta tell him, Bev. You don’t want to because of the blowup after, but this is grating on you and much more, and Derek will be valid being pissed at you.” He waited until I nodded. “Tell me the rest and then just rip off the Band-Aid. I promise it will feel better once it’s done.”

“Okay,” I rasped. I did, and he freaked out about the keys. I felt better about feeling ready to break and the crazy eating me.

It seemed to be eating everyone around me and it wasn’t even their crazy.

But Winter was right, and I needed to handle things with Wyatt.

“Go lay down where you’re at like you deserve and be straight with him like he deserves, and I’ll be right here to comfort you when it’s done,” Winter said gently.

“I’m so pathetic that I have to have someone I like push me to handle something so basic and then hold me together after,” I rasped as I walked out the door.

It was so true, and I really hated myself.

I just didn’t know how to fix it.