Page 18 of Amateur Goddess (Morrigan University #3)

Winter’s friend was able to get a message to Clare and ask for a meetup. We were both wearing glamours, but I was able to find her because her reply message said I would know the ring she would wear. I did. She always wore that ring when she went out and Mother had complained several times that it didn’t match her outfits.

We’d greeted each other and ordered drinks before focusing on the menu for lunch… And now just sat awkwardly. Our drinks had even arrived and she kept glancing at hers.

Clearly, neither of us knew what to say or how to start.

“Do you not like your drink?” I finally asked, the awkwardness breaking me.

“Pardon?” she replied, Clare always polished and elegant.

“You keep looking at it. Do you not like what you ordered?” I frowned. “Mother did that a lot too. I never understood why.”

Something flashed in her eyes, but then she snickered. “It’s not an act. Wow, I guess I always assumed it was.” She pushed her hair over her shoulder. “You really are this—”

“I’m not dense ,” I snapped, hating that Bryan and Clare always mocked me saying that. Alex and Jean hated me, enjoyed my suffering, but Bryan and Clare were in the dark and thought I was an idiot, constantly saying I was dense and would sink to the bottom of the pool. “I was locked away and intentionally kept na?ve . There is a fucking difference.”

She blinked at me a moment and gave a slight nod. “You’re right. Sorry.”

I went on because she didn’t really seem it or like she believed it. “You learn everything being around people , Clare. That’s why they socialize little kids so they pick up cues from each other and learn how to act well in social constructs. I had none of that. No friends. Intentionally to be sacrificed but then later so I was docile and compliant for whoever they married me to.”

Something filled her eyes and she swallowed loudly. “So you were a trainable doll.”

“Yes,” I bit out.

“And yet you were able to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes and get free,” she hedged. “You understand how that conflicts from an outside perspective, right?”

I sighed as I rubbed my neck. “I suppose, but it’s not one or the other. They’re not mutually exclusive. I had access to the internet and social media, so it’s not like I survived alone in the woods for eighteen years and can’t talk or read. I miss social cues you learned going to school and interacting with people. I blurt things out and—life is complicated.”

She snorted. “It is at that.” She gestured to her drink. “I was glancing at it wishing it was alcohol because this is awkward. Wine would help me relax.” She winced. “Mother does the same though I’m not a fan of you pointing out that I’m like her.”

“Thank you for explaining,” I muttered, not sure what to do about the rest. I let out a slow breath when she simply nodded. “I do want to thank you and discuss that, but I was given some advice to handle the issue with Grandfather first.” I wasn’t going to mention Tracey by name, but she did have a suggestion how to handle this meeting.

Clare flinched. “I don’t want to discuss—”

“He was broken, Clare,” I said gently, hating to go past what she wanted, but clearly we needed to handle this. I was glad when she simply stared at me curiously. “Councilman Oliveria and his wife were friends of Grandfather—Mrs. Oliviera was a good friend of our great-aunt apparently. She knew him from when they were young.

“And she said—he was broken. Mating Grandmother broke him. And then she sacrificed one of their children for Father. She killed one of their children while he was on a trip. He came back and his child was dead and he knew why and he had to pretend. How would that have broken you? Eaten at your soul and—”

“I can understand all of that, but clearly he still had enough in him to love you,” she bit out. Her resentment was why we needed to discuss this, and clearly Tracey was right and saw something I didn’t understand.

She normally did.

“Because I was his second chance at saving a child in our family, Clare,” I whispered. “It wasn’t my personality or something else about me. It wasn’t even my Millen eyes like others assume or whatever. It was because of how I was born.”

She glanced at her ring and frowned. “You’re not telling me the full truth. Why? Why lie about this?”

I frowned, shocked she revealed that was why she wore the ring, but also that it was saying that I was lying. Then I realized my mistake. Grandfather’s attention to me was about more than me being the last child born.

It was about me being a goddess witch, but I couldn’t risk telling Clare that.

“I don’t know that I was lying,” I muttered. “I’m all over the place, especially after what happened Friday, and meeting you is stressful.” I let out a slow breath and leaned forward so my arms were on my thighs. “Grandfather did love me. He spent time with me and…” I blew out another breath. “The difference between us is he saved me. I was born last.”

Clare glanced at her ring and gave a slow nod. “I need more time with that. I understand what you’re saying, and—you’re right and I hear Grandmother in my ear saying it’s because of your Millen eyes. She was so resentful and—”

“She liked Grandfather broken,” I whispered sadly, nodding when Clare’s eyes went wide. “She bragged that she killed her brothers and he couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t break their mating, and would never be free of her. Grandmother is just as evil as Father.”

Clare bobbed her head. “Killing two brothers and a child—there’s no other word but evil.”

“But you still like her?” I asked, not sure what to make of how she was acting.

She flinched, but then something I’d never seen from Clare before filled her eyes.

Pity. She looked at me with pity instead of contempt or mocking.

She pitied me for not being able to read social interactions now that she understood better. Well, that was something maybe?

“Grandmother was the only one who seemed to care about me as a person in that family,” Clare whispered, reaching for the menu. “Mother was always focused on Jean and only paid attention to me if she wanted someone to complain to or pick on me. Father’s focus was Alex. Bryan didn’t seem to care about any of it or us. You were painted as our poor princess to protect.”

“Life is complicated,” I offered when she didn’t seem to know what else to say. “Learning more about everything as an adult wasn’t easy either. Knowing Grandfather picked me because of how I was born, that he knew his child was sacrificed and didn’t do anything about it.”

“He’d be dead if he even tried,” she hissed.

I shrugged. “He still didn’t try. That was probably part of why he was broken. What kind of father doesn’t do that for their child?” I hurried on when anger filled her eyes. “But it was before I was born, and I was a child when he died. Maybe he did and I didn’t know? I don’t—we’ll never know, Clare. About a lot.”

“Fair,” she agreed, letting out a slow breath as if to dispel the anger.

“I just wanted to clear the air—knowing more about the situation than you did that I know it wasn’t you. He never bad-mouthed any of you.” I frowned. “No, once, I overheard him telling Mrs. Oliveria that Jean worried him because she took after Grandmother, but maybe Alex deserved that if he wanted to kill his sibling.”

Clare snorted. “Jean was probably jealous that she didn’t get the chance herself.” She frowned. “No, Jean wouldn’t have done it, but not because of morality.”

I nodded, thinking the same about Jean. “She thinks too highly of herself to ever do something that could be a mark against her.”

“Yes, exactly.” She cleared her throat. “I appreciate you clearing the air. I don’t know why we needed to meet for this when we’re both in bad spots, but maybe this is what we should do.”

I wasn’t sure what to do with any of that, so I decided to switch gears. “I wanted to thank you in person for the text and—”

“What text?” she asked, frowning at me.

I swallowed a sigh. “I’m not trying to trap you or use this against you, Clare. I’m not—”

“Bevin, I don’t have your number. I didn’t text you,” she said firmly. “I’ve only sent the messages through the guy I know from school. He was my junior and—I trust him.”

A cold shudder raced over me. I pulled out my phone and unlocked it before handing it over to her. “You’re telling me you didn’t send this?”

She took my phone and her eyes went bug wide as she read it. “No, no, I didn’t. I had no knowledge—I only heard after it was all done.” She gave me a look like I was nuts. “You received this and ran into—didn’t you think it was a trap? Are you stupid?”

“Probably,” I sighed, already having been yelled at about it from a few parties. I took my phone back and tucked it in my pocket. “But I couldn’t take the chance.” I nibbled on my lower lip. “If you didn’t send it—”

“Who did?” she muttered. She snorted after a moment. “Father would be twisted enough. If he was going to frame the cop as dirty and you were there , that would implicate you. Or they could have scooped you up.”

“Yeah, but the guy was shocked and—”

“I heard you blasted the other two before they were really involved,” she said gently. “That’s why some are yelling for you to be arrested. That you didn’t actually have proof of any corruption.”

“They came around the corner with their guns drawn and pointed at Kevin,” I drawled. “They saw him even if they didn’t see me at first. It was—it was a hit, not a mistake.” I nibbled on my lip again. “But you’re right about Father. Or Alex because this makes Father look bad and Alex is pushing to take over.”

“That’s an understatement,” she drawled.

I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket and slid it over to her. “Things are going to get worse and I’m not stupid that it won’t affect you. I know you’re riding Father’s whims and crap too. If you run into trouble or need to get out, call that number. It’s my attorney and she knows what to do.”

“Get me out?” she muttered as she turned the paper to face her.

“Yeah, out, Clare. To my house where it’s safe and you can decide what to do next.”

“So leave my entire life as a Shaw.” She wasn’t picking on me or starting trouble, more like she didn’t know how to process the idea of actually doing it. After a minute, she cleared her throat and pushed the paper away. “You were going to offer that because you thought I saved your boyfriend’s brother. It wasn’t me.”

I ground my jaw. “You told me you didn’t do it and I still offered. You still helped me, and—I’m not a fucking idiot, Clare.” I pushed the paper back towards her. “I’m giving you a lifeline because I’m about to set off a bomb in their camp. I don’t want you caught up in it after you risked yourself to warn me. You did about other things.”

“You’re right, thank you, but—”

“Don’t be like them,” I snapped. “Don’t be stupid like them and let your pride be your downfall. You can’t take help from the black sheep or embarrassment—whatever your hangup is—seriously, fuck it and—”

“Yes, you do need to work on how blunt you are,” she interjected, anger in her own eyes. “And while you’re not wrong probably, it’s more complicated than that. I’ve built something for myself too. Walking away from that—my trust and—”

“Is money worth your life?” I hissed. “You don’t think Father will force you to mate someone? He threatened the head of the council’s life, didn’t show up to the hearing to punish him. He’s directly challenging them at every turn, and they’re not going to let that go, Clare. You are property to him. It wasn’t just me that—”

“I understand that,” she snapped but then cleared her throat. She took in several slow breaths and let them out while wiping under her eyes. “You’ve had years to understand this, okay? I knew he didn’t love me like he should have and was too sexist, but—he hid the depth of—it’s hard to accept all of this. I didn’t see what you did.”

I opened my mouth but then closed it. “Sorry. I guess I didn’t know he acted so differently around you or Jean compared to me. We were always kept apart and… Sorry.”

She nodded but then didn’t say anything.

“It wasn’t just me, Clare,” I whispered. “I was always home. I heard his meetings sometimes. I heard him say it was a shame that our society had become so progressive to educate women because we were for breeding , not reading . And Alex laughed and agreed. He won’t be any better.”

“How could Mother…” She shook her head.

“What choice did she have after she was forced into the mating? She was sold like property,” I muttered. “But yeah, she’s a monster too. She was willing to sacrifice a child. They can act like it was me or something about me all they want, but if you or Bryan were born last, it would have been the same.”

She bobbed her head and took the paper. “Thank you.”

“I know it’s hard when you have a real life, but you could have a better life being free, Clare. So don’t wait too long. I have money and power, but I can’t take Father on directly and storm the castle for you. I’m sorry, but I can’t take that risk because he could get me too then.”

“That’s fair,” she accepted. “That’s more than fair.” She cleared her throat and pulled out her wallet, throwing a twenty on the table. “I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll contact you the same way if I learn any more.” She put her wallet away and stood before focusing on me. “I’m glad you’re free and doing well. I’m sorry what happened Friday, but… I’m glad you’re doing well otherwise.”

And then she left before I could even respond. I wasn’t sure what I might have said to respond.

Kelton sat in the chair next to me as Kevin and Rita sat across from us. They’d come with because they’d wanted to thank Clare for the warning… Except now it hadn’t been her. That wasn’t my focus right then.

“I’m not dense,” I whispered as I stared at my hands, embarrassed that Kelton had seen all of that. “I’m not stupid or defective.” I felt like the girl back at that house who had to hear that all of the time. “They did this to me. It’s not my fault and I didn’t—”

“Bev, we all have stuff we don’t get that others do,” Kelton said as he moved his hand over mine, making me realize I was picking at my cuticles with my nails.

I stared at his hand stopping me. I flinched and pulled away, moving my hands under the table and could only hear buzzing in my ears. I felt warm instead of cold inside and realized Kelton had put his arm around me and pulled me closer.

“Hear my heartbeat, Bev,” he whispered. “Just focus on that, sweetie. Whatever triggered your panic will pass and we’re okay. I’m not upset and you’re doing great.”

“How about we go eat somewhere else?” Kevin asked. “Where have you always wanted to eat but couldn’t? What did you want to try?”

I gave a nod that I heard him and thought about that as I listened to Kelton’s strong and steady heartbeat. “Chipotle. It always looked good and people talk about it on social media. I always wanted to go somewhere normal like that. And McDonald’s. Their fries look tasty. I have a list.” I blinked back tears. “I made a list when things got bad.”

“Good, that was good,” Rita praised. “Now you can slowly go through the list. I’ve never been to Chipotle either.” She nodded when I looked at her. “I’m serious. I always think it’s a nice option and I should try it, but then I feel guilty about the cost or calories or fall back on what I always get for fast food. We should all try more.”

“Thanks, Rita,” I whispered, feeling better when she put it like that.

“You’re not dense, Bevin,” she said gently. “And personally, I like your bluntness. It’s endearing. So fuck anyone who picks on you for it. You be you.”

I chuckled when Kelton and Kevin both looked at her with shock for swearing. Clearly, that was her goal, so that was nice of her to do for me.

Kevin flagged the waiter for the check and apologized for not eating here but said something came up. I threw another twenty down to make up for that since the drinks there weren’t expensive and that was the tip he would have made on lunch. I doubt he cared past that.

“Clare is in over her head no matter what she thinks,” Kevin told his mom after we left and were heading to where we needed to circle.

“Agreed,” one of Taylor’s guys said from behind us who was our security. “She had no clue there were two different groups there listening in. That’s dangerous given her position. If it was me and my sister, I might have a tail on her to watch and keep her safe.”

“My father has a lot of security who would keep a tail on her now and again,” I told him.

“It’s not a bad idea to start getting the faces of those people so we know to watch for them,” he countered.

I sighed. “Talk to Tracey and Taylor. I have no idea what’s the right call.”

“Which is the right call to say that,” Kevin said gently. “I don’t think a tail on Clare, but maybe scope out her life a bit in case she needs help getting out. Do you know where she works? Her residence? We have no idea on any of that, but your dad certainly does.”

I nodded. That made sense, but it was overloading me.

Everything was.

We circled to a Chipotle that was owned by a warlock so it was used to our kind and had a place hidden for us to arrive like Student Union Delivery and other delivery businesses used. We went inside and I was immediately at a loss for what to do.

Kelton caught onto that and went first with his normal order.

I nodded and got the idea, asking for the steak for my bowl.

Which they didn’t have, the guy pointing to where it should have been like I was an idiot for not getting they were out since none was there.

Okay then.

I went with the chicken like Kelton since people were staring at me now and added other options.

“Don’t get the guacamole here,” Kelton warned. “It’s cilantro-heavy and you don’t like that.”

I thanked him but flinched when someone behind the counter snarked about coming to get Mexican food and not liking cilantro. Since when was that the defining characteristic of Mexican food?

And did Mexicans claim Chipotle as their food? I would think it was American Mexican food at best, right?

Whatever, I moved over by Kelton when the guy finished my bowl and felt like I was crawling out of my skin. It was too bright and too many people and just too much.

“What do you want to drink?” Kelton asked me.

I looked at the guy who would get it, the one who snarked about the cilantro, and the buzzing started in my ears. “No drink.”

Kelton did a double take and then kissed my hair.

Yeah, apparently, I was still going to have issues with my drinks and men touching them. Or maybe just strangers?

No, probably men.

Wow, my list of issues was seriously getting longer and longer.

Awesome.

To completely top off my day, when we finished and headed to leave, two police officers were walking towards the door. Human ones doing nothing wrong. They were just coming for lunch.

But I couldn’t breathe. I stared at them and couldn’t make my feet move.

Spots formed in my vision, and I thought I was going to collapse or faint right there.

“Oh geez, how you manage to spill on everything never fails, kid,” Kevin said with a chuckle and turned me away, pulling me from the doorway. “It’s fine, Mom will get it out.”

Everyone took his hint or whatever and moved closer and started talking while blocking me.

“I’m going to hide you with magic and Kelton is going to carry you,” Kevin said under his breath. “Don’t make noise.”

I didn’t think I could even if I wanted to, but I nodded at least.

And that was how we got back to the circle. I was mortified. I couldn’t even look at any of them when I calmed down.

I was such a mess.

I was beyond a mess. What came after that?

A disaster. I was a disaster.

And everyone knew it.