Page 28 of Alpha & Omega (Alpha's Rejects #4)

Each day, I woke up to a bouquet of flowers that Harley would make and leave by my bedside. When they started to wither, he’d replace them with a fresh one. Even when he wasn’t here, it was a constant reminder of his presence… or perhaps letting me know he wasn’t going anywhere.

I lay flat on my back with a pillow under my head to keep my hips straight, which annoyed the hell out of me. I missed the days I could curl up on my side. Maybe one day, but not until I recovered.

Because I couldn’t curl into him, Harley would often snuggle into me. He’d practically moved in with me, and Hudson stayed in the spare bedroom periodically, making me feel only slightly less guilty about taking his dad away so much.

I rolled my head to the side to see Harley still sleeping, his arm draped over my stomach. The sunlight hit his face through the blinds and curtains, giving him an ethereal glow. He looked like an angel. Hell, he was an angel.

He must have sensed me staring because he woke up and stretched. Then he smiled and kissed me. “Morning.”

“Aren’t you tired of this yet? Tired of me?”

“Taking care of your ass? Nope.”

I was definitely being an ass. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine. I expect it. You’re the grump to my sunshine.” He winked and got out of bed.

I couldn’t help but huff a laugh. “You read too many romances.”

“No such thing. You can never read enough romances. I’ll read one to you one day. You’ll see. Once I read you some smut, you’ll never look back. Now, let’s get you caffeinated and showered. We’ve got a big day today.”

He tossed on a T-shirt and shorts, kissed me again, and then padded out to my kitchen to make coffee.

I swear, each time he kissed me, smiled at me, or did something sweet, it healed a little bit of my soul. At the same time, I hurt even more because I knew this took away his time from his son and his restaurant. Not to mention, I was counting down the days until he finally gave up on me.

I pushed myself to sit up, grabbed my walker by my bed, and pulled myself to stand. It took a while to adjust to. Hell, I still wasn’t used to it. I kept wanting to stand on my missing foot. It was hard to un-train what I’d known since I took my first steps as an infant.

After I took a piss, I came out of the bathroom to eat and have some coffee before I got ready for the day.

Suddenly, a stabbing pain hit my leg… missing leg, and I had to sit back in the bed quickly.

“Fuck!” I hissed.

It felt like a fire poker stabbing my heel. The phantom pain was frequent, happening several times a day. It was no surprise since this was because of trauma, but the pain usually had me nearly doubled over. I couldn’t even reach for something that wasn’t even there to hold it until the pain subsided.

Pain meds and nerve blockers helped, but once in a while, I’d get excruciating pain that punched through all the meds. Some were more bearable than others. This wasn’t one of those times.

I must have cried out louder than I thought because Harley came rushing in with a glass of juice and my pills, already knowing what was happening.

“We need to work more on your mirror therapy,” he said.

“I know!” I gritted my teeth, unable to see much through the pain. “Sorry. This needs to pass first.”

The therapy took time and dedication, but it was worth it if I could get over this first. It was hard to move when I felt paralyzed.

“We need to do it now.”

I didn’t fight him when I took my pills and he helped me sit on the floor with my legs spread out in front of me. Then he placed the large mirror he’d bought for me between my legs, reflecting my good leg. Once I was ready, I looked into the mirror as I wiggled my existing foot around and moved my leg and toes. Mirror therapy essentially tricked my brain into thinking my missing leg was moving, too.

After fifteen minutes of that, the pain eased. It was wild how that worked.

“Better?”

I nodded as he lifted me to sit on the edge of the bed, where I had some coffee and oatmeal with cream and berries.

“I hate this so much,” I said. “The pain is… I can’t do what I need to do. I have to fucking relearn everything, and I’m dependent on everyone, especially you.”

“It’s going to be hard for a while. Hey, but good news. Tony is moving in this weekend. His lease is finally up. He wanted you to get settled in, but he’s coming here not only to help but to move to Baltimore permanently. He said he’ll stay until he can get his own place. Your family is helping him.”

“Yeah, he texted me.” I rubbed my face and groaned. “God, I need a smoke now.”

“You’ve been doing great. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, but tell that to my cravings.”

Once I finished breakfast, I grabbed my walker again and made my way to the bathroom to shower.

Harley helped me get undressed, put plastic over my cast to keep it dry, and then eased me onto my bath chair as the shower ran. It made me feel… elderly, and I wasn’t even thirty yet.

“Is this what it’s like to get old?” I asked him.

“Perhaps, and I’d still be helping you.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You see a long future for us together?”

“I do. I hope so, anyway. This is a massive bump in the road, no doubt.” He stood behind me to wash the stubble on my head, careful in the areas where my stitches had been removed. I could bathe myself just fine, but he insisted that he liked doing it. “But I know you can get through this. Those road bumps are huge, but this time, you aren’t alone.”

“I’m so tired, Harley. Tired of trying to ‘ get through ’ life. I keep hammering my way, and it keeps beating me back… One step forward and three steps back. I’m… exhausted, mentally and emotionally. It just feels like… if one more bad thing happens…”

Harley rinsed my head and stood in front of me before squatting between my legs. “If one more bad thing happens, then you push on, and you keep pushing back until you’ve beaten life and it conforms to your needs and demands. You’re strong enough.”

I grabbed his face, loving the soft texture of his beard between my fingers. “Am I, though?”

“Absolutely. You may not feel that now, but you will.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?”

He smirked. “See, life isn’t all doom and gloom.”

I smirked back. “Just let me pout a bit longer.”

Still holding his face, I frowned again and pulled him into a kiss. “I’m not doing so well, Chef. Not one fucking bit. But I’ll try for you and my crew. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass… the anger and despair just come out of me. Sometimes, it’s suffocating fear. Thank you for being here and keeping me… from fully crumbling. I… love you, and I have for a while. I’m not in denial, but I’m just… terrified you’ll leave. And you still may, but you keep proving to me you’ll stick it out, no matter what. ”

“King…” he breathed and pulled me into another kiss. “I didn’t do all this to have your love, but I’m so grateful to for it. You have a lot of things to fear, but I shouldn’t be one of them. I love you, too.”

To lessen the heavy mood, he waggled his brows and looked down at my limp dick. “I could make something else happy…”

I chuckled. “Thanks, but he’s been as moody as I’ve been.”

“I’m teasing, but he’ll be back to play soon enough. Now we better wash up and get ready, so we’re not late for your appointment. You’re finally getting your cast off.”

Yeah, my cast. I would finally see the real damage done. I wasn’t as excited about it as Harley.

After we returned home from getting my cast off and getting the suture site cleaned, which hurt like fuck, I was wiped out… emotionally. Seeing my missing leg without the cast was a rude awakening. Rationally, I understood my leg was gone, but seeing how gone it was for the first time fucking wrecked me. Seeing the swelling and bruising, all those stitches, and that flap of skin below the knee… skin that used to hold bones, tendons, and… my foot.

I had kicked Harley out of my bedroom to be alone in my renewed grief. He tried not to be sad by my reaction, but I saw it, anyway. Still, he kissed me goodbye before he left for work and told me he loved me. I hadn’t told him those words again since this morning, feeling my withdrawal into myself.

Today was just another fucking setback. A reminder of all that I’d lost and was about to lose. There would be days that started well enough but could crash, sinking me deeper into my despair. The depression played over and over in my head, keeping me hyper-focused on my losses and preventing me from planning for my future. It was hard to care when I knew where my road ended. That I’d lose my family and bar. I didn’t have the mental energy in me to try again.

When I woke up from my nap, I was still exhausted and groggy from the drugs, my leg aching like fuck. On top of it, my heart was racing from another nightmare I had over and over about my accident—the metal box and the monster .

I needed to take a piss, so I stood to go to the bathroom, but it was too late to correct my error when I landed hard on the ground… right on my stump.

The pain was like nothing I’d ever fucking experienced in my life. Not even with my phantom pain. It traveled up my spine in fiery electricity and exploded throughout my entire body before congregating on the wounded site, like an internal nuclear detonation. I curled into myself, tears spilling from the agony and stupidity.

“Jesus, Alpha. What the hell did you do?”

Cueball?

I couldn’t even talk from the contracting tightness of my body and lungs, willing the pain to go the fuck away.

He lifted me off the ground and put me back in bed.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head and sobbed into my hands, wishing for death right about now. That was how bad the pain was.

“Does it… look like I’m… fucking… okay? Where’s Tony?”

He had recently moved in with me, so I expected him here.

“He’s at work.”

“He… got a job… already?” He hadn’t told me.

“Yes, Harley recently hired him as a server at his restaurant.”

“I should call him ‘Harley, my Hero.’” I only sounded angry and sarcastic from the pain. Truly, I was forever grateful to Harley.

“He’s a good man.”

“I know.”

Cueball inspected my leg closely. “Shit, you’re bleeding through your bandages. I need to take you to the ER.”

“You don’t… even have a… car,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I have Harley’s car. He lends it to any of us who are watching over you in case of emergencies like this.”

The saint strikes again, making me feel more and more like an ass.

“No, I’ll be fine. I can’t go back there. I can’t go through this again.”

“You have to go back. I can’t take care of this. If you’re bleeding, they need to stitch you back up.”

“Fuck! ”

“Yell if you need to. But we’re going.”

Going to the hospital was one thing. Getting into a car was quite another. I could feel the panic rise and the bile burn in my gut. Flashes of my accident hit me as soon as I sat in the passenger seat. The only thing that kept me from fully freaking out was the excruciating pain.

I’d ridden with Harley earlier today, but I’d had a couple of pain pills that dulled the fear, though it’d still been there.

“Scared?” Cueball asked intuitively.

I just nodded.

“It’s going to take a while to get through the fear, but you will again.”

“If you say so.”

I shut my eyes and held on for dear life as Cueball drove me to the ER.

I rested in a hospital bed, waiting for a nurse or doctor to clean my wound and stitch me back up again after I had scans to check for other injuries, which came back fine.

Cueball sat in a chair next to me, scrolling through his phone.

“Why were you at my place?”

He just shrugged without looking at me. “I volunteered since everyone else was working tonight, being a Friday and all.”

I rubbed my face and growled at myself. “I’m so fucking tired. I can’t do this anymore.”

He sighed and put his phone away. “I’ve been watching you for about a year now, admiring your willingness to take care of others and asking for nothing in return. You’re selfless and empathetic. You’re a good man, and I respect you. I realize this is a massive blow, and you’re struggling, but you won’t give up. It’s not in your nature. You’re the type who falls, dusts himself off, and tries again.”

“Oh, know me so well, do you?”

“I do,” he said flatly. “I don’t need to know you personally to realize what kind of man you are.”

I said nothing because I didn’t want to pick myself up again. The mental exhaustion was visceral and soul-sucking .

“I’ve been listening to the others and their worries for you. You’ve been pushing people away, withdrawing into yourself and your pain. Harley was especially worried today after you got your cast off. He didn’t want to leave you, and that’s why I volunteered tonight. Your withdrawal from people needs to stop now.”

I scoffed and looked at him, his head freshly shaved, his intelligent amber eyes solely focused on me. “And what about you, Mr. Enigmatic Bald One? You’re hiding and buried in your own shit. You see, I can read people, too. It’s as clear as day since Ajax had to go to the ER. You took all that personally. Why?”

His eyes, boring into my soul, never wavered. “We aren’t talking about me. This is about you. You’re on a different road now, but you will keep on pushing forward until you see the light. You will let your family take care of you and love you. Then you will walk again. But you won’t heal if you’re going to be a moody bastard all the time. I understand you’re hurting, but if you want to heal faster and walk again, you need to get your head out of your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Over a million people have lost their legs and live with it every day, walking and moving forward with their lives just fine. You can, too. I can give you this much about me… I’ve got shit I’m working through myself, but that’s all I’ll tell you. We all have problems, Alpha.”

Cueball leaned forward and rested a hand on my arm. “Your family needs you, and you need them. You especially need Harley. Stop pushing them away.”

My rigid body deflated. “Tough love moment, huh?”

“And you should know me well enough by now that I don’t mince words. It’s also easier for me with no emotional attachment to you, allowing me to see things from the outside.”

“It’s hard to adjust. I wasn’t prepared for something like this.”

“No one ever is. I’ve been told that you’re lucky even to be alive. Take that as a win, Alpha. While huge, you only lost your leg. You could’ve lost a lot more than that, and your family wouldn’t have you in their lives anymore.”

That was something I hadn’t done… be grateful for living through that horrific car crash.

“This Sunday, they’re talking about skating at the park. I strongly suggest you let Harley take you and spend time with your family while getting some fresh air and sunshine. It will be good for your soul. ”

“God, I’m going to miss skating through.”

“You’ll skate again.”

“I… do love him… Harley, that is. I appreciate him so much.”

“Tell him all the time, then. He needs to hear those words, too.”