Page 13 of Alpha & Omega (Alpha's Rejects #4)

The morning was late, and I didn’t feel like getting up. I’d barely slept at all, tossing and turning from conflicting emotions like anger and sadness, ending with the loneliness I’d been in before. If I couldn’t even find happiness with my ‘ perfect match ,’ how would I ever find it at all?

Harley and I had been dating for a month, but it felt so much longer, making the loss seem that much harder.

Why had I even listened to my family and put my profile up on the dating app? In fact, I grabbed my phone, opened the app, and deleted my profile—no more. My relationship was to my bar and my crew. Without it, my Rejects wouldn’t have jobs, and even worse, they could lose their homes. They were dependent on me.

Before I set my phone down on the nightstand and rolled over to go back to sleep, my phone buzzed. I ignored the fucking thing and pulled the covers over my head, knowing Harley was trying to call me. He’d texted me all day yesterday, but I ignored him and deleted his messages unread. I should’ve blocked him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

When the calls stopped that afternoon, they started up again in the evening.

“Goddammit! You’re getting blocked, Harley. I don’t want to hear your fucking excuses,” I yelled at my phone.

I grabbed it to find it wasn’t Harley at all, but an unrecognizable number. He wouldn’t call me on a different phone, would he? Pissed all over again, I answered it so that I could lay into him.

“What?! I’m going to fucking—”

“It’s Cueball,” said the deep voice on the other end.

I sat up and took a deep breath to calm my anger. “Hey, what’s going on? Why are you calling me, man?”

“I thought you should know there’s something wrong with Ajax. I think he’s… suicidal. He’s had some sort of mental crash, and you need to come over right away.”

I scrambled out of bed and put my phone on speaker while I quickly got dressed, no longer focused on my own issues. “How do you know this?”

“Blaze called me in a panic, said Ajax was talking about killing himself and how no one cares about him. He’d been teetering on the edge of his apartment building’s roof as he said these things. Blaze managed to get him down, back into his apartment, and into bed. But when Ajax told him he needed help, Blaze called me, and now I’m calling you.”

I pulled on a pair of jeans that sat on the floor and zipped them up before tossing on the T-shirt I’d worn yesterday.

Fuck, fuck, fuck… I didn’t need any of my boys getting hurt or sick again. I couldn’t afford it.

Whatever. At the end of the day, I’d do it all over again, no matter what. Damn the consequences. Ajax needed me.

“Okay, let me brush my teeth, and I’ll be right there. ”

We hung up, and I took a piss and finished getting cleaned up before I ran out the door with my keys in hand.

I tried not to panic, knowing that Ajax was alive for now, but my hands shook, and sweat gathered in my pits, which had nothing to do with the warm and humid late morning.

I jumped into my car and drove as fast as I could to Ajax’s place. Once I found a spot to park near his building, I ran to the lobby door to find Cueball outside, running a hand over his completely shaved head, leaning against the building, waiting for me.

We shook hands and walked inside the building. “How is he?” I asked.

“I haven’t seen him yet.”

We climbed several flights of stairs, and with each step, my worry grew for my wild friend, my brother. By the time we reached Ajax’s apartment, I was filled with too much apprehension as I pounded on the door.

Blaze quickly opened it, looking worried and exhausted, which was a new look for him. Usually, he wore disdain like a second skin. His black hair was a wreck, and he wore none of the jewelry that usually adorned him.

I blew by Blaze and sat on the edge of Ajax’s bed, who was tucked under his covers, curled up, looking smaller than his six-foot-four frame.

“What’s going on, Ajax? Do you need help?”

He shrugged and nodded.

My stomach twisted in fear. My lively and vivacious Ajax was barely recognizable. His face appeared gaunt and slack, and he had dark circles under his eyes, which he had before, but they were more pronounced.

I swallowed hard, filled with guilt because I hadn’t checked on him, assuming he’d been sick when he hadn’t been in for work. I’d been too busy with my own fucking life—another reason to move on from Harley. My Rejects were all that mattered.

With a deep breath, I tried to find my resolve and take charge of the situation.

“Okay, let’s get you dressed. I’m taking you to the ER.”

Ajax suddenly sat up. “Wait, what? Why?”

“You need immediate help.”

Ajax tried to back away. “But… ”

I grab his hand to hold him in place and to reassure him. “It’s going to be okay. It’s scary not only for you but for all of us. Please know that you’re not alone, and you never will be. Understood? We’ll go with you, and we’ll be there every step of the way. Will you trust me when I tell you that you’ll feel better if you go?”

Ajax nodded again with fear and tears in his eyes. At least I didn’t have to force him as he got out of bed to get dressed.

He grabbed Blaze’s hand for support and asked him to go to the hospital with him. I’d never seen Blaze so caring, and I was incredibly grateful he’d been there when Ajax crashed.

As we headed out the door, Ajax turned to me. “I… I can’t afford a hospital and shit. All my money’s gone.”

Out of all the Rejects, Ajax was the most financially stable, so for him to be out of money shocked me. He’d always been good about being frugal and saving. Then I winced at my dwindling bank account.

Fuck it. He needed me. I’d rather go broke a thousand times than have him die because I couldn’t get him medical help.

“You let me worry about that. If they need to help you beyond today, the state will cover most of it, okay? Don’t worry about money.” Or so I hoped. The state of Maryland had pretty progressive programs and was good about helping its people.

“But… I ruined my apartment.”

I looked at Blaze, confused.

“He… tried to renovate his bathroom,” he said.

I sighed, not fully grasping what was going on, but I nodded, needing to get Ajax out of there and into the ER before anything else. “Okay, we’ll deal with that, too, but later.”

When we reached the hospital, and the nurse brought Ajax back to be treated, I tried not to let the hurt get to me when Ajax had chosen Blaze instead of me to go back with him. They were together, so it made sense, but still… I would be worried sick, not knowing what was going on.

I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, and my eyes tried to water. Ajax was life. He was vibrant and wild with electric energy… I didn’t recognize this broken and nearly dead Ajax .

Someone grabbed my shoulder, and I turned to find Cueball watching me with empathetic amber eyes. He was a mystery, and I didn’t know him that well. No one really did, other than Blaze, and even then, I had my doubts. Cueball shared nothing of himself.

“Let’s sit and wait.”

He led me to the waiting room, and we sat on uncomfortable vinyl chairs.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” he asked.

I shook my head, leaned forward, rested my elbows on my thighs, and ran my hands through my hair.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “What happened to him? I mean, it’s obviously depression, but this just came out of fucking left field.”

“I believe he has bipolar disorder.”

“What? How?”

“Blaze said Ajax went several days living life chaotically. He had been more wild than normal. In fact, he came by our apartment several days ago, drunk after crashing his bike, clearly in a manic state. But after getting to know him, it seems he was in a hypomanic state before this, hence his wild and impulsive side, but it was under more control at the time.”

I didn’t know much about bipolar disorder at all. It was something I would need to research if that was what Ajax truly had.

“How do you know this?”

Cueball stared out into the hospital, people watching, his face showing nothing. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got a long wait.”

His amber eyes pinned on me. “I don’t know you well enough.”

I shrugged. “Fair. Anyway, thanks for coming today and for calling me. I’ve been… preoccupied.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes this shit comes out of nowhere. There were only a few days between his mania and his crash. Even I hadn’t really seen it for what it was when I should’ve.”

I said nothing as I stood, pulled my smokes out of my jeans, and headed outside to a designated smoking area, needing not only air, but that blessed nicotine .

His treatment was going to cost a small fortune. What the fuck was I going to do about my bar? If I didn’t have my bar, I couldn’t take care of my crew.