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48

ALLISON

M eanwhile…

Allison watches as Worm walks to the front door, unable to keep her eyes off his well-developed body. God! He looks incredible. His muscles move so fluidly under his t-shirt and cargo pants. Heat washes through her, remembering just how wonderfully he could use that big, hard body of his.

Moisture dampens her panties. She squirms in her seat. More and more when she isn’t throwing up her guts, she’s horny, worse than she’s ever been in the past. It must be the pregnancy hormones. The sounds of several people talking at once drifts to her from the front of the house.

“How are you doing?” Charlotte asks entering the kitchen. Allison is just finishing up the salad she’s been putting together. She looks up to see Charlotte and several other women, who she’d met when they had all come to San Diego last year, bringing items to put on the counter. It seems the women have brought over side dishes to go with the steaks.

“I’m okay,” Allison answers, dumping the cucumbers she'd just sliced, on top of the large bowl of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, shredded carrots, and purple onions she’d put together. Rising from her seat at the bar, she grabs some eggs from the fridge placing them in a large pot on the stove to boil for those who might want boiled egg on their salad.

More of Curtis’s friends begin to filter through the kitchen. Everyone is chatting with each other making it difficult for Allison to keep up with all the conversations. She looks around and hates that she keeps watching for Russell to come back into the room. She returns to her seat when she sees him at the door.

Charlotte sits beside her. “How’s the nausea?” Charlotte asks, just as Allison feels the familiar weight of Russell’s stare. She glances up, noticing him moving toward the fridge. She forces herself to look away.

“It’s not good, but I’m surviving,” Allison replies in a whisper. “The ginger seems to be helping. Thank you for suggesting that and for giving me some prescription medication when that isn’t enough.”

“No need to thank me,” Charlotte assures her, keeping her voice low so only Allison can hear her. “You should have seen me when I was pregnant with the boys. I couldn’t keep anything down the first few months. And dizzy? Goodness it was terrible, I couldn’t stand up without nearly falling down again, but it gets better, I promise.” Charlotte smiles at Allison, patting her hand. “I wasn’t nearly as sick with my first two.”

A shot of fear shoots through Allison. Surely, she isn’t carrying twins, too? Lord! She isn’t sure how she’s going to care for one infant, much less two of them.

Russell passes by them. Allison can feel his eyes on her, but she keeps her head down. When the back door closes, the tension leaves her body. If only she could tell him about the baby. She would, if she knew he wanted more with her.

She’d felt such a deep connection to him when they’d been together, but it had obviously all been one-sided. She’d built up what they’d shared in her head to mean so much more than it had meant to him. Her eyes begin to sting. She blinks rapidly, willing the tears away. She’d never been one to cry very often, but now, it takes next to nothing for the waterworks to start.

“Hey, what’s that look and those tears about?” Charlotte asks softly. Allison looks up to see Abigail, Charlotte, and Lisa watching her with concern. She shakes her head knowing she can’t talk about it for several reasons. One, there are too many people in the room who could disclose her situation to Russell. Two, they might judge her for not telling him. Three, if she tries to speak about it right now, she’ll break down and be a blubbering mess, which will be so embarrassing with everyone here.

And lastly, she can’t take the risk Russell could walk in and over hear something. When she does eventually tell him, she doesn’t want him finding out by accident. She wants to tell him in her own way, on her terms. “There’s no judgement here, Allison. We are all here for you,” Charlotte murmurs. “You can trust these women, too. They would never betray your confidence.”

Allison is about to respond when the front door bangs. Emma rushes into the kitchen. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry I’m late everyone!” Emma exclaims, dropping her backpack to the floor just inside the door. “Today was insane! I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there.” She rushes over to throw her arms around Allison, dropping her voice low, for Allison’s ears only. “How are you this evening? I should have texted you that Curtis and I were having company, but I never got a chance.” Emma had had a shift at the hospital today. Allison has heard many stories about how challenging Emma’s job can be.

“I’m fine, Emma.” Allison gives her cousin a return side hug and a smile. “Curtis is outside at the grill with the rest of the guys.” Allison drops her gaze when an image of Russell flashes in her mind. Emma gives her a squeeze.

“I’m sorry. I should have warned you,” Emma whispers. “Please don’t be angry with me. I just think you and Russell need to sit down and talk to each other. Curtis and I thought if everyone came over it might make it easier for the two of you to have a chance to interact without the pressure to have an intimate conversation. Then maybe when everyone heads home, y’all can sit down and work out what happened.”

Anger roars through her. Allison grits her teeth to keep from crying and screaming at her cousin like a crazy person. Emma and Curtis mean well, but they had no right to attempt to force her and Russell together. As far as Allison is concerned, there’s nothing left to say. He said it all a month ago when he’d shattered her heart.

Allison had known she had developed feelings for Russell. He was the person she’d reached out to when she’d been released by her kidnappers, but she hadn’t realized until that moment, just how deeply she cared for him. He’d shredded her with his harsh words. Words that echo in her head constantly and fill her nightmares.

Allison knows she is going to have to talk to him about the baby at some point, but she isn’t ready right now. She isn’t sure if she’ll ever be ready. Does he even deserve to know? Yes, he does, but Allison refuses to force him into being a father when he doesn’t want to be one, especially sharing a child with her.

“There is nothing to work out,” Allison grounds out the words through gritted teeth. “We had a fling. It’s over, so, please stop trying to force him into doing something he doesn’t want to do.” Allison jumps up, needing some space. She’d love to be able to go outside, but all the guys are out there, so she’ll just have to go to her room.

She takes one step when the room begins to spin. Shit! She’d forgotten to take her time. The world darkens from the edges, like a black fog rolling in. Allison is vaguely aware of Emma and the others shouting, but the sounds are so far away. Then only nothingness.

Raised voices pull Allison from the sweet oblivion she’s drifting in. “What the hell happened to her?” Russell’s deep rumbling voice, from just above her, pulls her fully to the surface. “Allison, baby?” Allison feels a gentle touch to her face. A hand smooths her hair back from her face. She tries to open her eyes, but she still feels so tired. She can’t get her eyes to open. She just wants to sleep.

“She’ll be fine, Russell,” Charlotte declares, confidently. Her voice sounding nearby as well. “She just got up too quickly. Leave her feet elevated and she’ll come back around.”

“Like hell she will! We need to get her to the hospital!” Russell sounds seriously pissed off and worried at the same time. “Why haven’t you called for an ambulance? Dammit Charlotte. You’re supposed to be like a doctor. You know this isn’t normal!” Allison tries again to force her eyes to open. She needs to calm him down. Russell is going to push Charlotte into giving away her secret.

“Worm! You need to drop it back a notch,” a deep male voice that Allison isn’t familiar with commands. “I understand you’re worried about your woman, but that’s no excuse for the way you’re talking to my wife.” Ahh, must be Hawk, Charlotte’s husband. “I won’t stand for it. You got me?”

“Yes, sir!” Russell barks out, sounding angry. Allison manages to force her eyes open in time to see Russell returning his eyes to her. His hand cups her face as a volley of emotions fly across his. “Sugar? You, okay?” The concern and another emotion she doesn’t want to try to decipher makes her forget for a moment that he doesn’t really care about her, at least, not the way she wants him to.

Allison grasps his wrist and attempts to sit up. “Hey, don’t try to get up,” Russell says softly. Dizziness demands her to agree with him. She relaxes back. He quickly puts his hand behind her head to ease her down onto the pillow someone has placed under her head. “We need to get you to a hospital, baby. Something isn’t right,” Russell’s voice sounds tortured. If she didn’t know better, she could believe he really is worried about her, that he cares for her. His harsh words, a distraction I don’t need, rise up to remind her that he doesn’t.

Taking a deep breath, Allison puts her hands down beside her and pushes herself up to a sitting position. The spinning room is full of onlookers. It seems everyone has herded into the kitchen when she’d fainted. She grits her teeth against the wave of vertigo that hits her. She closes her eyes, breathing deeply.

When she feels like she isn’t going to fall out again, she opens her eyes. Russell is right there in her personal space. “I don’t need an ambulance, Russell. I’m fine.” She looks up to see Emma staring down at her with worry.

Allison just wants to get away from everyone. That’s what had caused this fiasco to start with. Taking her time and ignoring Russell’s attempts to help her, Allison manages to get to her feet and remain standing without passing out. “The show is over now. You can all go back to whatever you were doing.” Allison waves her hands to dismiss them as she turns to Emma. “I’m going to my room. I don’t feel like eating dinner.”

“Sugar, you need to see a doctor,” Russell demands, none too gently, stepping closer to reach out to her. “Something is seriously wrong with you.” Allison straightens her spine, while ignoring Russell’s comment and the hand he is attempting to touch her with. She twists out of his reach and walks out of the room.

Reaching her room, she glances back, half expecting Russell to be following her, but he isn’t. A wave of disappointment washes over her. Her mouth forms a hard line. Stop it! You told him you were fine. You shouldn’t expect him to chase after you . She enters her room and closes the door softly. Even though she wants to slam it, hard, but in reality, she knows that won’t make her feel any better.

Dropping down on the bed, Allison lets out a heavy sigh. She needs to talk to Emma. She can’t stay here, not where she might run into Russell repeatedly. Her shattered heart can’t take it. As bad as she hates to admit it, she needs to go back to San Diego. Even though she no longer feels safe in her apartment, it will be better than reliving this pain over and over again.

It won’t go away just because you are thousands of miles away. Allison knows the voice in her head is right, but it has to help, a little, right? Something has to. She can’t keep going like this, day after day. If she can return to her work, the distance will help her forget. She feels certain that it will.

Allison sits up, taking her time to do so. Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she opens her American Airlines app. Her fingers hesitate. Can she really do this? Walk away from Russell? What about the baby? Her hand falls to her stomach, covering where she imagines the baby is nestled.

Her heart warms with love for this unborn child, one she hadn’t planned on having, but yet, has already grown attached to. “I’m doing this for us, little one,” she whispers. “I hope I’m making the right decision, and that you don’t end up hating me for it someday.” Her fingers fly over her phone, checking for the next flight out.