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WORM

W orm pulls back from the kiss, startled that he’d even done it. He’d kissed her booboo. What the fuck?? He’s lost his damn mind. Maybe he has hit his head at some point causing brain damage, but didn’t realize it had happened? Perhaps, these last two weeks have all been a dream or hallucination while he’s laid up in the hospital in a coma?

He shakes his head to clear his thoughts. Now, he is just being ridiculous. None of this has been a dream even though parts of the last two weeks have felt like the best and worst dream of his life. He needs to get his head on straight. He’s fucking everything up by sending mixed signals without meaning to do so. He can’t allow her to think they can have a real relationship, but he just keeps doing things without thinking. It’s almost like an instinct to care for and protect her.

Worm hadn’t intended to bring her here, but when he’d heard her father berating her like that? He’d been raging pissed. There wasn’t any way he could allow her to go with them to the hotel or even Wallace’s home where they’d keep harping on her over something that wasn’t Allison’s fault.

He’d already told Wallace, while they’d stood off to the side while Allison greeted Emma and her parents, that if her parents started in on Allison, he would be taking her to his place where she’d have some peace and quiet to recover. Therefore, none of his teammates were surprised when he’d told them he was taking the SUV as he’d rounded it to climb inside after getting Allison buckled into the passenger seat.

Mercury had been waiting for them and he’d given Worm a single nod at his declaration. Allison’s father had called after him, but Worm had chosen to ignore him, assuming Wallace would run interference for him. He hadn’t thought this whole thing through. He only has a one-bedroom apartment with a full-size bed. If he’d at least had a king, they could sleep beside each other without having to touch, but that won’t be the case in his bed.

He steps back from Allison, who has her eyes closed from the intimate kiss he’d place on her forehead. “I’ll just take these down to the laundry. You should lay down, get some sleep. I’ll be gone for a while. It’ll give you some time to rest.”

He inwardly groans. He knows he is rambling, but he can’t seem to put two words together around her now. His heart and his head are at war and he isn’t sure which one is going to come out the victor, but in the meantime, they’re causing him to act like a buffoon. Allison’s eyes open. He can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. His heart clenches at the sight. Hurting her is the last thing he wants to do, but it’s all he seems to be capable of doing at the moment.

“Thanks, I am tired,” Allison says softly. “Do you mind if I shower first?”

“No, of course not.” Worm gathers up the clothes, leaving her suitcase open so she can get whatever she needs out of it. He drops the clothes into a laundry basket he keeps in his closet for just this purpose. He carries the basket out of the room, pausing at the bathroom. He gets a towel and washcloth out of the small over-the-toilet cabinet, placing them on the edge of the sink where Allison can easily find them.

Allison is emerging from his bedroom the same moment he is stepping back out of the bathroom. Her steps falter when she sees him. “Just making sure you have everything you need,” he explains. “I’ll leave you to it.” He picks up the basket from where he’d dropped it in the hallway. He strides purposefully to the door of his apartment, making sure he has his keys in hand. Once outside the door, he uses his keys to lock the deadbolts, making sure Allison will be secure while he is in the basement doing the laundry.

After he’s gotten the clothes loaded into washers and running, Worm remembers he needs to check in with his mom. He hasn’t spoken to her directly in almost a week, now. That isn’t acceptable. He pulls up her contact information and presses the call button. He is about to think it’s going to go to voicemail when it connects. “He-hello?” his mother answers. “Russell, is it really you?”

“Yeah, Mom it’s me. How are you doing?”

“I’m here,” she answers, her voice weak and sounding defeated. A soft sob comes over the line.

“Mom, what can I do?” Worm questions. He’s lost count how many times they’ve had this conversation. When she doesn’t reply, he tries another. “Have you eaten today?”

“Yeah, I had some cereal this morning.”

“Mom! Did you not eat lunch or dinner?” Worm is cursing himself for not checking in sooner to make sure she’s taking care of herself. For months, he’d called her five or six times a day to make sure she was taking care of herself and his sisters. Recently things had seemed to be better so he hasn’t been calling as often, but still at least daily, that is until he met Allison and then she’d disappeared, taking all of his focus with her.

“I’m sorry, Russ. Today’s just been a bad day,” his mom whines. “Today would have been the thirty-five-year anniversary of our first date.” A wail comes over the line. “I-I just miss him so badly.” His mom continues to cry softly.

Worm’s heart breaks for his mom. He hadn’t known today was a special day, but if he’d been calling regularly, she would have mentioned it and he’d have known she would need more support today. He can hear someone speaking to his mother followed by rustling sounds. “Hey, Russ, it’s Leigh. Mom is going to lay down for a while.”

“I’m so sorry, Leigh. I should have been checking in more frequently. I’ve let you down.”

“No Russ, none of this is your fault,” Leigh denies, but Worm knows the truth. He could have helped with the situation if he’d had his head on straight instead of worrying about a woman, who is a virtual stranger. Even as the thought runs through his mind, he knows that isn’t true, but the guilt he feels over letting his mom down has him trying to make it the truth. “Look, we really are doing okay,” Leigh’s voice draws him from his thoughts. “Things aren’t nearly as bad as they were in the beginning. Today’s just not a good day.”

“Alright if you say so,” Worm relents, but the guilt is still eating at him. “Call me, Leigh, anytime of day or night if things get worse, understand?” He knows his tone is harsh, but he needs Leigh to listen to him and take him seriously.

“I will. I promise. I gotta go, Russ. Sadie needs help with her homework. I love you, brother.”

“I love you, sis. I mean it, call me.” He can’t keep from reminding her.

“I said I would! Bye, bossy!” Leigh laughs as the call ends. Worm shakes his head with a smile pulling at his lips. Leigh is perpetually happy, no matter how bad life gets. He wishes he had a bit more of her personality. She’s so much like their mom had been before their Dad had died.

An intense need to check on Allison has Worm on the move. He needs to make sure that she’s resting well. Heading for the elevator he decides to call Wallace. Worm isn’t really anxious to hear about the fallout his abrupt departure with Allison has brought, but he doesn’t want any more surprises that will upset Allison either, even though he is still feeling guilty over his concern for her.

“Wallace.” Comes the curt answer when the line connects. Wallace doesn’t give Worm a chance to reply before launching into a series of questions “How’s Allison? Was she very upset? Emma has been worried sick, but didn’t want to add to Allison’s stress by calling to check on her and making things worse by bringing up what happened. Do we need to come over?”

“Whoa! Slow down,” Worm chuckles nervously. “She seems to be okay. I know her father upset her, but she’d never admit it, at least not to me,” Worm conveys. “I left her to shower and take a nap while I came down to wash our clothes. I called to see how things went with Allison’s parents? I’m sorry to put you in that position, but Allison’s been through enough without them beating her up over it. I just needed to get us out of there before I said or did something we’d all regret.” Now it’s Wallace’s turn to laugh, nervously.

“I get it. They were upset, of course, but Emma put them in their place, pretty quick,” Wallace informs him. “As crazy as it sounds, I honestly don’t think they realized what they were doing when they said all that shit. They are just old fashioned and set in their ways. They can’t understand why the younger generation doesn’t think like they do. Mrs. Simpson visibly paled when Emma told them they shouldn’t be rubbing salt in open wounds.” Wallace chuckles.

“You should have heard my girl. She was kind as she always is, but firm and matter of fact. Mr. Simpson just kept apologizing over and over to Emma. He said they weren’t trying to make her feel worse, that they just wished she hadn’t had to go through what she did even though none of us really know what happened to her. Has she told you anything yet?”

“No, but I haven’t really asked either,” Worm confesses. “I’m not sure I’m the person she should be talking to about this.”

“What? Why would you say that?” Worm can hear Wallace’s confusion in his voice. They are all experienced in dealing with people who have been the victim of any number of abuses. Russell knows how to deal with and handle people who’ve been through trauma, but this is Allison. This is different. She is different. “I thought you guys had made a connection.” Worm can hear the air quotes in Wallace’s tone.

“We did,” Worm hedges. He doesn’t want to have to explain his complex emotions to Wallace, who will likely drive over to Worm’s apartment to kick his ass when Wallace finds out about his and Allison’s relationship or lack thereof despite having had amazing sex, not once, but several times. “Let’s just say it’s complicated and leave it at that?” Worm tries hopefully.

The hissed grunt that comes as Wallace’s reply lets Worm know that Wallace isn’t going to leave it alone. “Dammit Worm! I told you not to mess around with her,” Wallace exclaims. “She’s Emma’s family which makes her my family. You don’t fuck with family. You know this! Please tell me you didn’t actually fuck her.”

“I didn’t…I mean I did, but it isn’t like that,” Worm groans as he tries to come up with words to explain himself to his teammate, his brother. Wallace lets out another growl. Worm knows if they were in the same room, fists would already be flying.

“Calm down, honey,” Emma’s soft voice comes over the phone, just as Worm reaches his apartment door. “She cares for him and I believe he cares for her, too. Even though they’re pretending not to.” Worm rolls his eyes as he unlocks the door and steps inside. He knew his teammates’ women would push for him and Allison to have a happily ever after, like they’ve all found. It isn’t that he might not want that someday, but he isn’t ready to settle down with a wife and kids. He’s only twenty-eight years old. He already has his sisters to be responsible for. Not only that, but with the way his team gets deployed at random times, it just isn’t very conducive for long term relationships.

Your teammates seem to be making it work, why not you? The thought crosses his mind as he makes his way to his bedroom, but he shoves it away. He can’t allow himself to go there…to dream of what could be if he’d give them a chance.

He eases the door open to see Allison curled up in his bed. She’s turned away from him, lying on her side, with her knees drawn up toward her chest. Worried that she might be cold, he pulls the throw from the foot of the bed, dragging it up over her, tucking it around her shoulders.

Once again without thinking, he leans down to press a kiss to her temple. He looks down at her sleeping form. She’s so beautiful and sleeping so peacefully. He thinks about the errant thought he’d just had about having more with her. He shakes his head, figuring Allison likely doesn’t want a long-term relationship, anyway.

She just needs him to help her get over whatever happened to her when she disappeared, but he hasn’t helped her, not really. Yeah, he’s taken her mind off it for a few hours at a time, worn her out so she could fall asleep, but he hasn’t used his training to get her to talk about her trauma or what’s happened to her. He is letting her down as much as he has his mom and sisters.

He backs out of the room, leaving the door ajar in case she wakes with a nightmare and needs him. “Look,” Worm continues his conversation with Wallace while heading down the hall to the living room. “We got together at the wedding. It was a one-night thing, both of us were in agreement going into it. It wasn’t a big deal, but then she went missing. I don’t know why, but things changed. I couldn’t think of anything else, except finding her, getting her safe.”

“Oh, Russell!” Emma exclaims, her voice getting that dreamy romantic tone that the men have heard from the team’s women so many times. “That’s so sweet.” She sighs dramatically.

“No. It isn’t,” Worm replies firmly. He has to shut this shit down before Emma gets carried away. “Wallace, you know that I haven’t missed a day checking on my sisters, except when we were dark while on deployment since my dad died, right?”

“Yes,” Wallace confirms, sounding a bit confused.

“I didn’t check on them for nearly a week during all of this! A week, man! They could have been in a complete mess in that length of time. You know how unstable my mom has been the last year. Allison going missing was a distraction. One that I didn’t need.” A sharp gasp behind him draws his attention. He looks around to see Allison’s retreating form. “Oh fuck!”

“What?” Wallace and Emma exclaim at the same time.

“Allison heard what I just said,” Worm answers dejectedly. “I just keep fucking everything up when it comes to her. I never should have even talked to her.”

“Russell!” Emma’s tone is scolding. “Don’t say that. I know you don’t really mean it. Just go talk to her, explain—” Emma stops speaking abruptly. The distinct ringing of her cell phone floats over the line. “It’s Allison. I’m going to take this in the other room, honey.” Worm can hear her answering her phone, her voice getting further and further away.

“Sonofabitch!” Worm exclaims, slamming his fist into the nearest wall.

“Calm down!” Wallace commands in a firm, but no longer sounding pissed off tone. “You aren’t helping the situation by losing your shit.” Worm knows the man is correct, but the last year has been more than stressful, culminating in the last two weeks, which have been utter hell.

“I know, I know,” he mutters. “I never meant to hurt her.” Worm runs his hand through his hair, leaning his head back against the wall. He just needs a minute to get his shit together before going to beg Allison’s forgiveness.

“Of course, you didn’t mean to hurt her,” Wallace agrees, “but you have, so you need to go make this right.”

“How?” Worm hates that he almost sounds like he is whining. “She knows how much my family means to me. We…we talked a lot, about our families on the drive from the airport and during the time we spent together before the wedding. It wasn’t just about the sex, Wallace. I really enjoyed spending time with her. I could even see us having a real relationship if my family wasn’t in such a mess and she didn’t live on the other side of the country from where we are based.”

“That’s how you fix it.” Wallace’s voice is so calm as if he’s figured out the answers to the universe.

“What are you talking about?” Worm is again running his hand through his hair in frustration. He has no idea how to fix it, but God help him he wants to, so badly. If only he could have Allison, manage his service, his family, and Allison could be happy to work wherever he was stationed. That would be fantastic.

“Tell her exactly what you just told me,” Wallace states. “I truly think she’ll understand and not be upset with you if you’ll explain why you said what you did.” Worm isn’t at all sure Wallace knows what he is talking about, but it’s worth a shot. While he knows he can’t have the type relationship he truly wants, he can at least mend the hurt he has caused her. He can’t make it any worse, right?

He heads down the hall to the bedroom. He knocks softly on the door, but doesn’t get a response. He tires the knob and it turns, so he enters glancing around. Allison is nowhere to be found. Where is she?

Back in the hall, he notices the bathroom door is shut. He can hear her voice from inside. Still on the phone with Emma. He pauses outside the door, waiting, and yes, eavesdropping on her conversation. He can’t hear well, but he catches snippets.