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17

WORM

W orm watches Allison stand and adjust her clothing before she slips out of his door. His emotions are raw. Hearing her conversation with her family had been intense, reminding him of his own family. He’d felt bad for Allison as she’d tried to assure her parents that she is okay living alone in the large city while fending off their insistence she needs to get married and have kids.

He’d had similar conversations with his mom and dad before everything had changed. Grief rears its head again. He’d been overwhelmed with Allison’s compassion for him. It had taken all of his control to keep from breaking down in her arms. He’d felt so exposed, yet comfortable with her. He’d known if he let the tears fall there’d be no judgement from her, but he’d held back. He isn’t ready to be vulnerable in front of her. He wants to be her protector, not the other way around.

Perhaps someday he’ll let her comfort him. She’s the only person he’s wanted to share his grief with. The realization slams into him like a freight train. He needs to curb his feelings. If he isn’t careful, he’ll end up nursing a broken heart when the week is over. He shakes his head at the thought.

No, he isn’t falling for her. He can keep his feelings out of this. It’s just sex. Feeling better, after convincing himself he isn’t emotionally involved, he decides to keep his promise to Sadie and check in with Amber. He has time to kill before ordering their dinner.

“Hello?” Amber answers after three rings.

“Hey, sis, how’s it going?” Worm asks, keeping his tone light. He hasn’t gotten to talk to her since she’d texted him about being grounded. He’s hoping things are settling down at home.

“It fucking sucks, that’s how it’s going!”

“Amber!” Worm scolds. Where did his sweet little sister go? She’s always been a bit of a tomboy and rough around the edges, but she’s never cursed in front of him before. Since dad passed, she’s been doing a lot of things he never thought she’d do. “Watch the language.”

“What do you care?” Amber replies testily. “I’m sure you say a lot worse.” He can’t deny using a lot of foul language, especially when he’s with his team and shit is going sideways, but he’s always been careful not to curse in front of his family. His parents, while not overly religious, had taken them to church and tried to instill basic moral principles and values in him and his siblings.

“I care because you’re my little sister and I love you,” Worm calmly explains. “I’ll admit I have a potty mouth at times, but you’re awfully young to be dropping the F-bomb. Mom would have a cow.”

“She wouldn’t notice,” Amber mumbles so softly he almost didn’t hear her.

“Yeah, she would,” Worm disagrees. “I know she’s been distant since dad died, but she does care, Amber. She’s struggling to deal with losing him, just like we all are.”

“You’re not struggling,” Amber accuses. “You’re still out kicking Taliban ass and saving the world, like nothing happened. Meanwhile, we’re here watching mom waste away and Leigh is being a bitch because there’s no one here to reign her in.”

Worm is reeling from Amber’s candid outburst. She’s hardly said more than a few words to him at a time in the last year. He hadn’t paid much attention to it until just now.

“Just because I’m still doing my job doesn’t mean losing dad doesn’t affect me.” Worm sighs, running his hand through his hair. “I know I haven’t shown much emotion around you guys, but that’s because I had to take dad’s place. I have to be the man of the family now. You wouldn’t listen to me or respect me if I was a blubbering mess, would you?”

Amber doesn’t respond. The line is so silent Worm looks to make sure they’re still connected. “Amber?”

“You’ve cried over dad dying?” Amber’s cracking voice comes over the line.

“Yeah, sis. I have, but mom was in a bad place and there were things that had to be taken care of, so I had to push it aside and be a man.” He can’t believe he is telling her all of this. He’s supposed to keep all this shit to himself, but knowing she thinks he doesn’t care guts him. He needs her to understand. He cares more than she can imagine, but he can’t let his grief show or it will consume him.

“Fu— Fudge, Russ, I never thought about it like that,” Amber’s voice has softened. “I thought you didn’t care that dad died. You came here bossed everyone around, then you went back to the Marines, and everyone just went on with their lives. Mom and I were the only ones who seemed to care.”

“Why would you think I didn’t care?” Worm is thoroughly confused by this.

“You never cried, Russ,” Amber accuses, “not even at the funeral.”

“I…I did, Amber, but I made sure none of you saw me,” Worm admits. “I was trying to be strong for all of you. You guys were so broken up, and mom couldn’t deal with any of it.”

There was so much more he could say, but he didn’t want Amber to have the burdens that he’d been carrying. He and Leigh had had to plan the funeral by themselves. At first his mom hadn’t wanted to believe her husband had died. She’d kept saying they had the wrong person, that his ID had gotten mixed up at the hospital. Then when she’d had to accept it, she’d shut down, unable to make any decisions, refusing to get out of bed, to eat, or even bathe the first couple days.

Worm had gone to identify the body at the hospital. Later, he’d taken her to see his father at the funeral home for viewing before the public had arrived. She hadn’t wanted to go, but he’d convinced her to go for the girls’ sake.

When they arrived at the funeral home, Worm had asked to leave the girls with the funeral director’s secretary while his mom viewed the body. His mother had been determined to prove him wrong, but when the funeral director had opened the lid of the casket, she’d lost it. She’d thrown herself over his dad’s body and wailed heartbreaking sobs. Her body had shaken so hard. He’d had to hold her up until he could get her to a chair. The sounds still haunt his dreams. Amber doesn’t need to have those memories.

“I didn’t know, Russ,” Amber says softly. “You always seemed so angry. I thought you were mad because you had to come home, that you didn’t really want to be there, but you had to be.”

“God! Amber, I love you guys more than anything. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, but I made a commitment to serve,” Worm says, regret in his voice. “Dad drilled into us to finish what we started, to keep our word, even when it’s a hardship.”

“Yeah, he never wanted us to be quitters,” Amber agrees, sadly. “I understand now, Russ. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass.”

“Language,” he says, with a bit of a chuckle. “I’ve thought about turning in my papers and coming home?—”

“No! Don’t do that Russ,” Amber exclaims, “not for me. You love your job. I don’t want to be the reason you’d give it up. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“I just miss him s-so much,” Amber sobs. Worm would give anything to be able to hold and comfort her. “I never got to apologize. I was a brat that m-m-morning before he left.”

“Oh, sis, Dad knew you loved him,” Worm assures her. “He loved all of us, no matter if we argued or disagreed. I can’t even remember what my last words were to him. I hadn’t talked to him in several days…when it happened.”

“I was already at school,” Amber murmurs. “Leigh came and picked me up. When we got in the car, she lost it. I thought she’d lost her mind. I couldn’t understand her at first, and then when I did, I didn’t want to believe her. I yelled at her and called her names.”

Worm doesn’t know what to say to help Amber. “She didn’t yell back,” Amber finally whispers. “That’s how I knew she was telling me the truth.” Worm’s eyes are stinging. He blinks hard to keep from crying himself.

“I’m sorry, sis. I wish it had never happened.”

“Me, too,” Amber says. “So, how do you manage to keep it in? You never lash out at the rest of us like I do. I don’t want to be so mean, but I just get so angry. It’s like I lose control and mean shit just spills out.” Worm sighs, realizing there’s no point in scolding her for cursing again.

“It’s not good to keep it all in,” Worm answers, honestly. “I work out a lot. It helps clear my head and get out my frustrations. I talk to a counselor, too.”

“You do?” He can hear the astonishment in Amber’s voice at his revelation.

“Yes. I’ve been talking to one since I’ve been on the team,” Worm tells her. “At first, I only went when they required me to after a deployment, but when dad died, I realized I needed more. I saw one weekly for a while, now it’s usually only once a month.”

“Sadie and Leigh go,” Amber says, “and Mom did seem to get better when she started going. You think I should go, too?”

“It won’t hurt to try,” Worm begins hesitantly. “If it doesn’t help after a few sessions, then we can re-evaluate and try something else.”

“Alright, Russ. I’ll go if you think it will help. I don’t want to be the reason Mom gets worse again.”

“I’ll make the arrangements,” Worm replies, feeling relieved. “If you ever need to just talk, Amber, call me. I’m here for you. I might not be able to talk right away, especially if I’m on deployment, but I promise, I’ll call as soon as I can. I love you, sis.”

“I love you, too, Russ,” Amber says, sounding a little more upbeat than when their conversation began. “Thanks again for looking out for us. I’ll try really hard not to be a burden and make things worse for you anymore.”

“You’ve never been a burden. You’re my sister. I’m proud to be your brother, and I would move heaven and earth to take care of you,” Worm says. “Now, be good. I need to go, but we’ll talk again soon, okay?”

“Okay, Russ, love you, bye.”

“Bye, sis, love you, too.” Worm ends the call feeling emotionally wiped out but glad he’d taken the time to check in with Amber. They’d both needed this. It’s been too long coming. He immediately goes online and makes her a therapy appointment, then forwards the information to her, his mom, and Leigh. He also adds a reminder to his phone so he can remind Amber about her appointment.

Now that he’s checked in with the family, he decides to order him and Allison dinner from the Olive Garden and has it set to be delivered via DoorDash at six. He is still feeling raw from his intense conversation with Amber, but doesn’t get to think much about it before there’s a knock on his door.

Virus is standing on the other side when he opens it. “You want to go out tonight?” Virus asks with a salacious grin on his face. “I thought we could go out to a bar. Maybe we can pick up some entertainment for the evening.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Worm shakes his head. “No, man, I have plans.” Virus frowns at him.

“What plans? Can I tag along?” he pleads. “I’m bored as fuck, dude. I need some action.”

“Sorry man, but I’m having dinner with Allison,” Worm informs him. “Why don’t you get Bull to go with you. I’m sure he’s bored, too.” Virus does a dramatic head roll, throwing his arms in the air.

“He’s up Susie Beth’s ass, just like you’re up Allison’s,” Virus complains. “I’m going to be the last man standing before long.”

“There’s Mercury,” Worm offers, helpfully. “He isn’t seeing anyone.” Virus groans.

“He’s worse than the settled down guys. He’s a horrible wingman,” Virus declares. “He isn’t very chatty to begin with, but put him in a bar with hot chicks and he’s a total loser. Come on, man. Help a brother out?”

“No can do,” Worm argues, “We can go down and hang for a couple of hours until my food arrives, but after that you’re on your own.” Virus gives him an eye roll that would rival one of Amber’s any day. “Sorry man, that’s all I’ve got for you.”

“Fine!” Virus snaps. “Let’s go get a drink.” Worm grabs his wallet, ensuring his keycard is inside before they step out into the hall. Virus grumbles under his breath, but walks with Worm to the elevators. They are joined by Bull and Mercury who are apparently headed downstairs, too.

“What’s up?” Worm asks the pair.

“I’m headed downstairs to convince Susie Beth she needs to have dinner with me,” Bull replies with a grin.

“I’m going to the hotel bar for some greasy food and a beer,” Mercury answers. “Where are you guys headed?”

“Same, at least until time to get my take-out order,” Worm informs them. “I’m having dinner in Allison’s room. She’s trying to avoid her nosey aunts this evening.”

“Looks like I'm going nowhere,”Virus grumbles. “You guys fucking suck! I hope you know that.” Worm and Bull laugh while Mercury just looks confused.

“You mean we’re going to get sucked,” Bull corrects with a smirk before Worm can comment. Virus turns with an incredulous look on his face.

“That’s uncalled for,” Virus growls. “No need to rub it in that you two are going to fuck the only single women in the group.” He mutters something else under his breath, but Worm can’t hear him.

The elevator arrives then and they all step inside. Worm should deny Virus’s accusation, but he is hoping that’s what will happen. He isn’t in the habit of lying to his teammates, so he decides to keep quiet for now.

The men enter the hotel lounge, taking seats at the long, polished bar. While he has always enjoyed hanging out with the guys in the past, Worm is hoping the next couple of hours fly by.