Page 34 of All in for Christmas

A server arrives holding two hot plates of food with oven mitts. “The chicken piccata?” she asks. I motion to Dean and she sets the plate in front of him. “And pasta Alfredo for you, ma’am.” Incredible garlicky and creamy, melty cheesey aromas rise from the steaming dish.

“Oh my gosh,” I tell the server. “This looks wonderful.”

“Mine too,” Dean says.

Another person arrives with a pepper grinder to sprinkle our dishes with fresh cracked black pepper. Yet a third tops off our ice waters.

“Great service here,” I mention once we’re on our own.

“Agreed.” Dean considers me fondly and picks up his wine.

“So, you were saying?” I dig into my dish with my fork.

He takes a sip of his Chianti and returns his wineglass to the table. “I was talking about change, and how not all of it is bad. Sometimes it’s good and can present new opportunities.”

I take a nibble of heavenly pasta Alfredo, savoring its richness. Oh yum, so tasty . “I one hundred percent agree.”

“Do you?” He blinks in surprise. “Well, great. I mean, that’s good. Because, Paige,” he says, “I have a proposition to make and I want you to think about it seriously.”

I’m confused about where he’s going with this. I lay my fork on the side of my dish. “I’m not sure what you’re saying, Dean?”

“I’m talking about your future. Your dreams.” He slices a piece of chicken and spears it, twirling pasta on his fork. “Look, I know you always wanted to teach.”

“I did , but then life,” I shrug, “had other plans, right?”

He enjoys his food before saying, “Right, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still have options.”

“For?”

“Paige.” He takes my hand again. “I hope you won’t be mad at me, but I took the liberty of poking around. Did some investigating in the county, and”—he heaves a deep breath—“I think you should go back to school.”

My wineglass shakes in my grasp, and I set it down. “But Dean, we can’t afford—”

“Oh yes we can,” he insists. “Since you’re already employed by the school system, they’ll reimburse the cost of your taking teacher education courses. All you’d have to do is maintain certain grades, and I’ve no doubt you would. You always did so well in college. You’d breeze right through.”

“But we’ve got the kids and such a full schedule.”

“I’ll help in every way I can,” he says.

“Find a way to make it work. The great thing is that a lot of these courses are offered online, so you could do them at home, in the evenings or on the weekends. I’ll spell you with the kids.

Give you all the time you need.” He’s being so kind.

So generous. But neither of us is made of money.

“ Reimburse , you said. Where would we get the money to begin with?”

“Maybe student loans?” The thought of taking on more debt scares me. Maybe our vehicles are paid off, but we still have a mortgage and daycare expenses. Although, it’s true—next year, Eleanor starts public school, so her schooling expenses will go down.

My head reels with the possibilities, but I know our financial situation. This seems like too big a reach. “But won’t there be other expenses? Maybe supplies? I’d surely need a computer of my own. Even if we found one secondhand, it could be costly.”

He nods like he’s thought about this. “I’ve got good news in that department,” he says and grins. “I learned this morning my teacher bonus was approved. So sometime before the end of the year, I’ll be receiving a nice extra paycheck.”

“But that’s your money, Dean. You earned it.”

He leans toward me and says, “Wrong. It’s ours. And I’d choose to use it for the betterment of our family. Paige,” he says firmly, “I want this for you. I want you to be happy.”

“But I am happy.” When I say it the truth dawns in my heart. “I’ve never been happier than I am right now, here with you.”

“You could be happier still,” he replies stubbornly. “I’ve been thinking a lot these past few days and about those comments you made concerning another life, a different reality.”

My heart clenches. Oh no.

“Paige, honey,” he says gently, “I get it. I do. I understand what you’ve been going through.

Some kind of crisis about where we are. The things you’ve missed.

But sweetheart, I want to help you fix this.

” He holds my hand tighter. “Look, I know Principal Peabody isn’t scatterbrained on purpose, and at heart she’s a nice person, but she makes your support job twice as difficult as it needs to be.

Plus, you’ve taken on extra responsibilities.

Gone above and beyond your stated role. It would be one thing if you really loved your job, and that’s what you wanted to do, but it’s not, is it? ”

I hang my head, unable to look at him. He runs his thumb along the top of our linked hands. “Paige?” he asks, and I look up and meet his eyes.

“There are trade-offs.”

“There don’t have to be,” he says. “That’s what I’m telling you.

Paige.” He stares at me pleadingly. “You’re the woman I love.

I want you to have everything you love. And there’s one thing I know about you—in here.

” He pats his chest. “You’d make an incredible teacher; I believe that profoundly.

The kind students remember. The sort who helps shape lives. ”

My eyes prickle with tears. “Like you are,” I murmur.

“I hope I make that kind of difference.” He sighs, his fingers lacing around mine. “I guess only time will tell.” He gives me that lopsided smile that I adore. “So what do you say, Paige Burton? Will you think about it?”

My breath catches. “I don’t think I could be any more in love with you than I am right now.” Talk about a dreamboat. If I’m dreaming, I hope I never wake up.

His whole face is a sunrise. “Then your answer is yes?”

Could I really have it all? A husband and kids I love, and the job I’ve aspired to forever. It seems too big of an ask of the universe. How could I get that lucky?

I see the answer sitting right across from me.

I got lucky when I met Dean.

“Thank you for supporting me.” My lips tremble. “For loving me.” Tears form hot pools in my eyes. “For being who you are.” I can’t believe that I’ve finally found my right life. It rips me to shreds that I might lose it. That I might lose Eleanor and Henry. Lose Dean.

“Of course I love you,” he says with so much conviction, my heart aches.

Tears leak from my eyes then gush harder, pouring out like rivers. Rushing down my face, dribbling down my chin. I wipe them back with my cloth napkin, my mascara smearing the white linen fabric, and I sniff. Dab at my nose. Try so hard to still my rapidly beating heart.

“Paige?” Dean’s face creases worriedly. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, fine.” I collect myself and say, “Thank you for being so sweet.”

His voice grows husky and I know he means it. “Thank you for being my wife.”

I stare out the window at the lights of the holiday market. Though it’s closed for the evening, its lights still glow. I need to go there first thing tomorrow morning and find Mary Christmas. If I beg, she’ll have to tell me how I can stay. This can’t be only temporary. I don’t want it to be.

I want my unbelievably amazing husband. I want precious Eleanor, and sweet Henry, and loyal Scout.

I want Mom to have found Roger. I want Dean’s folks to be charming Gammy and Poppi.

I want us all to have a very merry Kissmas.

My breath shudders. I don’t want to scrub this existence. I have to fight for my new life.