Page 10 of All in for Christmas

I search my brain, desperate for answers. Any excuse. Some way to let myself off the hook that will go easier on him. “It was the, ah…” A shattered breath. “Margaritas.”

His disappointment is so clear. “Is that what you ladies talk about? How you’d be better off without your husbands?

” No. I don’t imagine that of my girls’ nights out with Kirstin, Mia, and Heather.

They’re all happy with their lives from outward appearances.

I know appearances can be deceiving, but not in their cases. At least, I hope not.

“No, Dean. I swear.” I stop and hang my head.

“I just woke up confused, that’s all. But the coffee’s helping.

It is! It’s sinking in.” So’s this new reality.

Yikes. There doesn’t seem to be a great way out of it without hurting the people I’m supposed to love.

But apart from Dean, I don’t even know the people here.

I’ve just met Eleanor and Henry. My lower lip trembles.

“Can we just forget all about this for now?” Until I can figure out what to do next.

Sadly, I’m drawing a blank. Frustrating.

But I don’t want to frustrate Dean any longer or worry him.

I can’t stand hurting his feelings most of all.

He pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head.

“Sure.” His embrace is so strong and steady I want to weep.

“Just, next time?” He pulls away to stare down at me. “An Uber?”

He hugs me again, his heart pounding against mine, and I find myself melting against him. Oh gosh, how I’ve missed him. I didn’t even know how much. I hold him tighter and close my eyes.

But no. I can’t stay here indefinitely. I can’t just jettison my real life for something so uncertain and new.

I have a job. Responsibilities. Mom to take care of—now and in her elder years.

Paws and Read to launch on Tuesday. Maybe this is just a weird time blip?

A glimpse into an alternate world, like an extended dream of sorts, and when I wake up tomorrow I’ll be right back in my old world, where I started.

Dean pulls out of our hug and says gently, “Why don’t you shower and throw on some clothes? I’ll start breakfast.” A shower’s not a bad idea. Maybe cleaning up will help clear my head.

“Thanks, Dean. That would be great.” He really is the kindest guy. I’ll miss this side of him, but it’s not like I’ll be staying long enough to get attached, anyway. Not to this new Dean . Not to the kids. The dog. The house.

“Pancakes all right?”

“Pancakes sound great.”

He grins. “You’ve got it.”

He leaves and I stride to the dresser, searching through the top drawer and my ample assortment of thongs.

Good gravy! There are dozens. But only a certain number are holiday themed and labeled with the days of the week.

I find Wednesday, Thursday, and Sunday. Monday and Tuesday peek out of the laundry basket.

I select some regular old panties, which are still a lot lacier than my normal pairs, and find a matching bra.

What I don’t pay for in outerwear, I seem to make up in undergarments.

I’ve even got Spanx! Ew. A tight stretchy torso piece that covers the chest and mid-section, ending at the thigh.

That looks uncomfortable, but maybe it works for dressy evenings?

I stare around the messy bedroom, having trouble imagining us experiencing too many of those.

I pick out a pair of jeans and a black long-sleeve T-shirt, pulling them from the armchair and shaking out their wrinkles.

Not bad. These will do. I check the closet next, considering what to wear to my girls’ lunch with Mom.

Maybe something a bit nicer, but not too fancy.

That’s cute! I find a flouncy dress with a fitted bodice and ruffled hem that reminds me of what a Dutch girl might wear, or Heidi.

I giggle. Only older and all grown-up and sexy.

I hold the dress against my chest and peer down at the floor, spotting a fun pair of flat-heeled western boots.

I sense a look coming together. Casual chic.

I finish it off with tights and a nubby brown cardigan sweater, hanging that and the dress on the back of the closet door.

The old me dresses much more conservatively, typically in neutral slacks and crewneck sweaters with stylish ankle boots.

But I’m the new me now, and only temporarily.

This fantasy state won’t last forever. I’m not deluded enough to believe that.

Dean calls out to the kids in the next room and the shower sings my name.

I stroll into the bathroom and remove Dean’s large T-shirt, tossing it on the floor and glancing over my shoulder.

Something colorful peeks up at me from my lower back.

I gasp and turn around in front of the mirror above the sink, standing up on my tiptoes and trying to view it over my shoulder.

I have a tattoo?

I break a sweat.

When did this happen? Why? Was it on account of the margaritas? Did my girl group all get them together? I can’t imagine getting tattooed with Mom.

But maybe?

The pretty butterfly spreads its blue and yellow wings right at the small of my back, above my panty line. Oh my gosh. I’m a wild girl. And a wife and mommy. Who has girls’ nights with friends, and a really hot sex life with her husband, evidently.

I swallow hard and turn on the shower.

Okay. This is it, then. My brand new surprising life.

My heartbeats gallop away from me.

Until I can find my way out of it. Before Tuesday, so I can launch Paws and Read.

The program’s far bigger than me. It’s about reaching a potential multitude of students.

And, if the pilot program’s successful, Paws and Read will benefit even more volunteers, pups.

and pupils beyond Walton High—our entire community—when the program’s taken countywide.

And I need to be back before Wednesday, so I can take Mom to her medical appointment. No way am I staying here and letting her go through that by herself.

I rub shampoo into my scalp, soaping up my hair. The hot water feels good, soothing my jangled nerves. Steam fills the room in billowy clouds around me and for an instant, I’m back at my condo, completely forgetting where I am.

The curtain scrapes open. Wait.

I scrub the suds from my eyes and shriek !

Eleanor! Grinning. “Breakfast time.” She rocks on her heels, holding her stuffed cow. Scout’s beside her. Woof! So’s Henry—gawking. Nessie dangles at his side.

I twist my limbs over myself, my upper arms shielding my breasts, hands splayed low in front of me.

Water streams down my face, glides off my nose, splatters my lips—and hips.

Pools in my navel. My chin jerks up and I stare at the kids.

“Mom-my will be there in a minute.” Wow, that sounded weird.

I go lightheaded, but no. I can’t fall. That will give them a full view of my butterfly—and butt.

Henry points to my splayed-out hands and asks with concern, “Where’s your wee-wee?” His tiny eyebrows form a V. Of course he doesn’t understand. He’s a baby!

“Kids? What are you doing?” Ahhh! Dean’s by the sink.

Where did he come from? I lunge for the shower curtain and wrap it around me.

It crinkles, all plasticky-like and sticky, the shower stream pummeling my back.

“Sorry,” he says and grimaces. “I just asked them to tell you breakfast was almost ready.” He sternly glances at the children. “ Not to invade the bathroom.

“Come on, guys, let’s give Mommy her privacy.”

Eleanor and Henry giggle at each other as Dean herds them away. He teasingly winks at the bunched-up shower curtain. “It’s not like I haven’t seen everything before.”

Right. Maybe not.

But it’s been a while since I’ve seen him see it.

“Ha!” I say sassily.

He chuckles and shuts the door. “See you in a bit.”