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Of course, when I do sit down in my place, the plastic seat is uncomfortable and the guy next to me is sweating like a damn whore in church. He’s fidgeting, humming to himself, and shaking his knee. I almost want to say something until I realize I’m doing the exact same thing, minus the disgusting sweat.
I’m not sure how many hours have passed—it feels like four—when my name is finally called. It’s awkward and vomit inducing, the way everyone is staring at me, and I rush off the stage as soon as I notice Ken’s eyes starting to tear up.
I just have to make it through the rest of the alphabet until I can go and find her. By the letter V, I think I may just stand from my seat and interrupt the entire thing. How many people can possibly have a last name starting with V?
Apparently a lot, that’s how many.
At last, after I’ve traveled through multiple states of boredom and the climactic cheering has gone down, we are able to leave our seats. I practically jump from mine, but Karen rushes to me for a hug. After what feels like an appropriate amount of my tolerance expended, I excuse myself from Karen’s weeping congratulation speech and rush off to find her.
I know she’s here, I can feel it somehow.
I haven’t seen her in two months—two fucking long-ass months—and I am buzzing, high on adrenaline, when I finally spot her near the exit. I had a feeling she would do this, come here and try to sneak off before I could find her, but I won’t allow it. I’ll chase her car down the street if need be.
“Tessa!” I push through the huddled families in my way to get to her, and she turns around just as I sort of shove a young boy out of the way.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen her that the relief is overwhelming. So fucking overwhelming. She looks as beautiful as ever. Her skin has a tan glow that it didn’t have before, and her eyes are brighter, happier, and the shell that she had become has been replaced by life. I can tell all of this just by looking at her.
“Hey.” She smiles and does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear when she’s nervous.
“Hey,” I repeat her greeting and take a few moments to just take her in. She’s even more angelic than my memory of her.
She seems to be doing the same thing I am, and I watch as she looks me up and down. I wish I weren’t wearing this stupid cloak thing. Then she could see how much I’ve been working out.
She speaks first. “Your hair is so long.”
I laugh softly and push my fingers through the mess. It’s probably all fucked-up from that cap. Right then I realize I don’t know where the damn thing went. But who knows, and who cares?
“Yeah, yours is, too,” I say without thinking. She laughs and brings her fingers to her mouth. “I mean, your hair is long. It’s always been long though,” I try to recover, but it only makes her laugh again.
Smooth, Scott. Really fucking smooth.
“So, was the ceremony as bad as you expected?” she asks.
She’s standing less than four feet away from me, and I wish we were sitting down or something. I feel like I need to sit down. Why am I so fucking anxious?
“Worse. Did you see how long it was? The man reading off the names was ancient.” I hope that she smiles again. When she does, I smile back at her and push my hair away from my face. I do need a haircut, but I think I may keep it this way for a while.
“I’m really proud of you for walking. I’m sure Ken is so happy.”
“Are you happy?”
She crinkles her brow. “For you? Yes, of course. I’m very happy that you walked. It’s okay that I came, isn’t it?” She looks down at her feet for only a second before focusing her eyes on mine.
Something about her is different, more confident, more . . . I don’t know, strong? She’s standing up straight, her eyes are sharp and focused, and even though I can tell she’s nervous, she’s not intimidated like she used to be.
“Of course it is. I would have been quite pissed if I walked for nothing.” I smile at her, then again at how the two of us seem to be doing nothing but smiling and fidgeting with our hands. “How are you? I’m sorry that I haven’t called much. I’ve been really busy . . .”
She shakes her head at me. “It’s okay, I know you have a lot going on with graduation and preparing your future, all of that.” She smiles a barely there smile. “I’ve been well. I applied to every college within a fifty-mile radius of New York City.”
“You’re still wanting to go there? Landon said you weren’t sure yesterday.”
“I’m not yet. I’m waiting to hear back from at least one college before I relocate. Transferring to the Seattle campus hurt my record. The admissions department at NYU said that it made me seem flaky and unprepared, so I’m hoping that at least one of the colleges there will disagree. Otherwise, I am going to take classes at a community college until I can transfer back into a four-year.” She takes a deep breath. “Wow, that was a long explanation to a short question.” She laughs and steps out of the way of a sobbing mother walking hand in hand with her gown-clad daughter. “Did you decide what you want to do next?”
“Well, I have some interviews set up over the next few weeks.”
“That’s good. I’m really happy for you.”
“None of them are here, though.” I watch her face closely as she takes in my words.
“Here, as in this town?”
“No, as in Washington.”
“Where are they? If you don’t mind me asking?” She’s composed and polite, and her voice is so soft and sweet that I have to take a step closer to her.