Page 13 of Accidentally Joining His Cult (Chicago Awakenings #1)
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Beckett
W hoever invented the default phone alarm is at the top of my shit list today. That obnoxious fucking noise woke us up way too early, interrupting the fantastic dirty dream I was having about Cody.
At some point in the night, we must have switched positions. I woke up spooning him, with my morning wood nestled between the perfect round globes of his ass. He was grinding back into me in his sleep, and I can’t believe I had the self-restraint to roll away from him.
Last night we forgot to actually set our alarms earlier to fit in more cuddling, so we had to scramble to pack before the rideshare arrived to take us to the airport.
Pretty sure we mixed up some of the clothes we’d left thrown around the cabin after two nights of stripping without care, but I’m secretly hoping that I ended up with something of his.
I’m not ready to say goodbye.
Not at all.
The ride to the airport was quiet, but I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing his hand. He held tight for the entire trip like he also didn’t want to leave me.
I know all of that “mine” stuff we said yesterday was just hot, in-the-moment sex talk, but a part of me really wishes that it could be real.
I’m so fucked.
I kept telling myself that I’d be fine after we hooked up. I thought scratching the itch would get him out of my system so I could move on.
I don’t do more. I’ve never wanted more.
But now that I know what it’s like to have him, how am I supposed to just stop wanting to be with him all the time? Those stupid visions I had of a future with him are clearer than ever.
“United Flight UA 425 is now boarding to Chicago. Priority boarding, please make your way to the gate,” a woman’s voice says over the speakers.
We got through security quickly with both of us having TSA PreCheck, and our gates are in the same terminal, so we haven’t had to split up yet, but the conversation has been limited to pointless small talk—like neither one of us knows how to address this inevitable goodbye.
I turn toward Cody, placing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth before quickly pulling away. I intend to say a quick goodbye before going to drown my sorrows on the flight home, but my brain seems to malfunction somewhere between what I’m planning to say and what comes out.
“I want to see you again,” I blurt out.
Cody’s whole face lights up at the suggestion. “Really?” he sounds so hopeful that I know this can’t be goodbye for us.
“Yeah, I don’t know when, but I’d like to,” I admit more confidently.
“I’d love that!” He sounds relieved, and I start to mentally comb through my schedule for the next few months, determined to remember an opening.
Nothing comes to mind, but I continue. “The end of hockey season is unpredictable. We’re actually in the playoffs for once, and hopefully we’ll make it all the way. So, we could still be playing in two months, or it could be over in four games.”
He looks hesitant, but I go on. “We can keep talking—texting and calling like before. I don’t want to make any promises and risk disappointing each other, but when hockey season is over, I should be able to get some time away. We’ve got great management and coaching staff, so other than the draft itself, I shouldn’t have too many commitments. If you still want to, we’ll find time then,” I promise, earning his gorgeous smile.
“Okay.” Cody nods enthusiastically, back to looking like his usual excited self and not the kicked puppy he had been all morning.
I grab his shirt and pull him to me, planting one more firm kiss on his lips before backing away toward my gate. “See you soon, Goldie,” I promise.
“See you soon, Salem.” His giant grin makes the knot that had been growing in my stomach all morning finally shrink.
I might not know how I’ll make it happen yet, but no matter what it takes, I’m confident that I will see Cody again.
* * *
Goldie
*Photo of mountains in the distance overlooking a small town*
Goldie
Home. I told you Montana is pretty!
Goldie
I hope that you had a good flight!
Goldie
Jealous that yours was direct.
Goldie
But my seat neighbors were really nice so the time flew by
Salem
You would be the person who befriends your “seat neighbors.” Adorable. Meanwhile, I’ve never in my life thought to talk to the person next to me on a plane. Glad you enjoyed yourself. I caught up on some sleep and am headed to my grandparents house for family dinner. Montana is very pretty, but the view of the Chicago skyline against Lake Michigan will always be my favorite.
Salem
*Photo of countless skyscrapers reflecting back the large body of water across the busy road with a large pier visible*
Goldie
There you go again, sounding like a dream family from the sitcoms I loved watching as a kid. Tell them I say hi!
Goldie
Or don’t
Goldie
That’s probably super weird
Goldie
IDK why I said that, your family obviously wouldn’t know who I am.
Salem
Deep breaths, baby, you’re not super weird. Only a little bit *winking emoji*. And they actually do know who you are. I told my brother Oakley about you when I was explaining my sudden need to visit Florida, a place that I’ve complained about incessantly in the past. My family doesn’t really have secrets, so if you tell one person, it’s assumed to be family knowledge within hours. Even if I don’t mention you myself, I’d bet that someone will ask about you in the first five minutes.
Goldie
Wow, I love that! My grandparents had all passed away before I could really remember them, that’s so cool that you guys are all so close.
Goldie
Have fun at your dinner!
Salem
Yeah, I’m really lucky. I wish that you could have had that growing up too.
* * *
Salem
Two minutes.
Goldie
???
Salem
It took less than two minutes for my mom to ask about you by name.
Goldie
THAT’S AMAZING
Goldie
Tell Susan I say hello!
Salem
Did you just look up my mom so you could also address her by name?
Goldie
Maybe
Goldie
Was that endearing or creepy?
Salem
Adorable. She says “Hello Cody”.
Goldie
*Giant smile emoji*
Goldie
Was that all she said, or are you paraphrasing?
Salem
The parts about wishing that she could meet the nice young man who has me jet-setting across the country and actually smiling as I talk about Florida seemed unnecessary. *winking emoji*
Goldie
Your mom sounds awesome!
Salem
She is, and now the grandparents are scolding me for only staring at my phone. I’ll talk to you later.
I put the phone back in my pocket, ignoring the buzzing that indicates at least three more messages from Cody. His back-to-back messaging really is cute. Fuck . Everything he does is endearing.
How am I supposed to go months without seeing him again?
“So, Beck, does this mean you finally have a boyfriend?” Oakley teases me.
“Haha, very funny.” I smack him on the side of his head, and he sticks his tongue out at me like we’re children again. He’s always been the closest to me, both in age and in friendship. We both like to give the other shit, but I’d do anything for him, and I know that he’d do the same for me.
“So, where’s your better half?” I ask him.
“He’s out back playing fetch with Spot,” he answers, not having to ask who I’m referring to. Our whole family has referred to Oakley’s best friend, Parker, as his better half for years. His dad passed away when we were kids, and even though they’d been close before it happened, they’ve been inseparable ever since.
“Is he your boyfriend yet?” I tease, knowing full well they both identify as straight. With how much they dote on each other and constantly find reasons to touch, though, it’s no wonder people often assume they’re a couple.
“Haha, very funny,” he repeats my words. “But, we are dating these awesome girls we met in our building,” he says, perking up. Then he tells us about how they kept running into the girls at the gym in their building, how they are also roommates and lifelong best friends, and how the four of them have been going on double dates and hanging out all together.
Oakley keeps emphasizing how great it is to be able to all go on dates together so he doesn’t lose time with Parker. I exchange a skeptical look with my youngest brother, Lincoln, who mutters something under his breath about everyone loving the closets in their building.
I chuckle but shake my head, I’m happy for Oakley and his very codependent best friend. Maybe this will be the perfect situation for them to find someone serious.
His relationships in the past have all fallen apart, usually because the girls don’t understand why a wealthy thirty-year-old man would choose to have a roommate, or they complain about how they feel neglected with the amount of time he spends with Parker. I know that Oakley gets anxious about Parker’s diabetes, and that he’s more comfortable knowing Parker isn’t alone for extended amounts of time, but I’ve also wondered if it might be more than that.
Oakley’s always insisted that the right woman for him wouldn’t care about how close he and Parker are. He’s always wanted a big family with lots of kids and the white picket fence in the suburbs, and I’ve always hoped for that future for him.
Does Cody want kids? I don’t think I’ve ever even thought about having them. I’ve never slept with anyone who could get pregnant, so luckily, I’ve never had to worry about accidentally becoming a dad.
But now, for the first time, I’m beginning to realize I want more with someone–with Cody.
That realization shouldn’t shock me, but it does. My brother teased me earlier about having a boyfriend, and for the first time, I wish he were right. It's evident to me now that I want to be in a relationship with Cody, but no matter how much I want a future with him, I don’t see how it could work in the long term.
Even if we agreed to be exclusive—which I want to do but am too afraid to ask in case we aren’t on the same page—how often would we realistically see each other?
Cody works a lot of weekends, so even if I flew to wherever he was on my days off, we’d only get a few hours together at most. And even if I signed up for the programs he’s teaching, his schedule wouldn’t allow for much time together. His first class proved that—they even worked through lunch for fuck’s sake. And neither of us is looking to change our career. There’s no way I could step back from the Werewolves—not when I’ve spent my entire life dreaming about this role. I’ve worked my ass off for the last seventeen years to learn all of the ins and outs that keep the team, arena, and league running smoothly.
I know how much the Werewolves mean to the city because they mean so much to me. I don’t know who I’d be without Werewolves hockey.
And Cody is so important to Kyla. It was apparent during the retreat that he’s well-respected in the company. The other executives clearly rely on him to keep the business as successful as it is. During the class that Cody taught at the retreat, one of his buddies mentioned that recruitment and retention rates more than triple in any area Cody visits to run programs compared to their other coaches. He’s not just a good employee, he’s essential to their success.
He also obviously loves Linna and all of his friends there. How could he possibly leave that? Kyla was his first job right out of college. What would he even do if he came here?
Feeling discouraged, I try to focus on spending time with my family. We have a great night, and I manage to stay off my phone despite my thoughts constantly shifting back to Cody. I even delay my departure by helping my grandma with the dishes and packing up the leftover food she always manages to have, despite having a full house for dinner. When they practically kick me out, saying I need to get back to the city, I finally get into my car and pull out my phone.
Goldie
Talk to you later!
Goldie
Maybe call me while you drive home so that you can tell me more about your perfect family, I want to know everything!
Goldie
I mean, if you want.
Goldie
Not trying to sound like a total clinger here, I’m casual and not at all needy *sunglasses emoji*
Goldie
Hope you’re having fun, call me later if you want—but no pressure!
I’m still laughing as I hit the call button at the top of my screen, and he answers on the first ring. “Totally casual,” I tease.
“Yup! That’s me,” he agrees before snickering. “Sorry, texting is so hard when I can’t tell if I’m annoying someone. I like to see people’s expressions so I can gauge if I’m being too much.”
“Cody, I don’t think it’s possible for you to annoy me,” I admit sincerely. “Or anyone, for that matter, but if it’s easier for you, I’m happy to video call or at least call whenever we’re both available if that’s your preference.”
“That sounds great,” he agrees. I can hear the smile in his words and the relief in his tone. I hate that he ever worries about what others think of him. Especially when, from what I’ve seen, everyone who meets him adores him.
“So tell me more about your family!” he eagerly prompts, as if he really wants to know all of the mundane details. And not because we’re “The Caldwells,” but because they’re important to me.
I know I shouldn’t risk further heartbreak by sharing these parts of myself with Cody—not when I’m just starting to admit the power he has over me. The thought of saying goodbye for real feels like it might actually break me.
But I want him to have these parts of me.
Even though my head is arguing against it, my heart wants him to have all of me.