Page 7

Chapter Seven

Griffin’s Beach Colt

L ex lies in Colt’s arms, and he runs his fingertips over her skin, smirking at the goosebumps his touch leaves in its wake.

“Well, now that we’ve had our fun,” he jokes and kisses the top of her head.

“Fun? You had me bent like a pretzel,” Lex says and giggles. “That was a new position.”

“Read about it in a nudie magazine. Said it hits the spot men tend to find elusive. Was it effective?”

Pushing him gently to lie on his back, she rests her hand on his chest and places her chin on it while her eyes stare at the tattoo of her name above his left pec.

“You’ve never had any issues hitting that spot, Colton Nichols.

In fact, you’re the only man I’ve ever met who knew it wasn’t just a myth from experience. ”

“Is that your roundabout way of saying I’m the best you’ve ever had?”

“Wasn’t that obvious already? I don’t know many women who have sex multiple times a day with their husband of over a decade. Of course, it’s the best I’ve ever had.”

He bites his lower lip and stares at hers. Those luscious lips wrapped around his cock after he got home. She’d just climbed out of the shower, and the kids were already down for the count.

“Stop it,” she warns. “I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle doing what we just did, and I know that look. It’ll get you all excited again.”

His wife knows him all too well. “You’re the best sex I’ve ever had, too. Just in case you were worried.”

“Based on how often you share how much you love me on my knees, I kind of assumed. But it’s nice to be told every once in a while.”

Their fun banter is great, but Colt hasn’t been able to completely push their conversation from that morning out of his mind. “Lex, we still need to talk.”

“I know,” she says with a sigh.

“Where were you this morning?”

Lex sits up and hugs her knees to her chest. Her eyes stay focused on her name along his chest, and she sighs again. “I’ve been seeing a… therapist.”

His blood runs cold. Of all the things he expected and ran over in his mind, this was not one of them. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if it was something I’d do more than once or twice. Or… how you’d feel about it.”

“You always get after me for not letting you in, and this is kind of a big deal, Lex.”

“I know. I wasn’t sure if you’d think I was ridiculous or weak for doing it. It’s been kind of nice having you believe I’m this tougher than nails woman, and I didn’t want to change that.”

Reaching out, he takes her hand. “Is it… Is it us? Is that why you’re talking to someone?”

“You’re the reason I knew I needed to talk to someone,” she says, wincing at her words. “That didn’t come out the way I meant it. I did it for us. I was scared I’d break if I didn’t figure out how to truly heal the broken shit inside me.”

His thumb rubs across the top of her hand as he tries to keep his panic in check. She’s talking to a therapist behind his back. It has to do with me, right? That’s why she’d be worried to tell me. And I helped contribute to the pain inflicted upon her. Did I create wounds she needs help to heal?

“Is it something I’m doing?”

He hates the tears in her eyes. “It’s not you, Colt, it’s me.

I’ve spent my entire life pushing everything bad that’s ever happened down, thinking it was the healthy way to cope, and it’s…

It’s become bigger than I can handle on my own.

I need to be stronger, especially now that you wear that President patch. ”

“If it’s too much—”

“Like hell you will,” Lex says, locking eyes with him.

The words just tumbled out, but he means them. He’ll give it all up for her. Lex means more to him than that seat at the head of the table.

“You did that, baby. You earned it, but more than that, you deserve it. The last person who will ever ask you to give that up for them is me,” she says.

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“I don’t feel like it much these days,” she says., and the raw emotion cuts him deep.

As much as he’d love to blame everything on her father and brother, he needs to know if he plays a part in this. “Is any part of what you need to heal from because of me? Because of the things I’ve done?”

He’d cheated to push her away. Then he held what he did to her and what his mother did to his father against her until she had no choice but to leave him.

And then he put himself in a position to make her believe he didn’t love her anymore, which is the worst thing he’s ever done in his entire life.

“I’ll never admit this to anyone else, but I have more insecurities than I let on. The scars from the past have taken their toll, but honestly, it’s nothing compared to the rest of it. I mean, you know what it was like for me growing up.”

That he did. He and Ky nearly killed her brother, Zane, when he destroyed her fifteenth birthday party. Just like he ruined her parents’ wedding a few weeks ago.

All her life, Zane told Lex she was a mistake.

That she never should’ve been born. Worse than that, her father never did anything to stop him.

VP felt too guilty for knocking up Emma after Zane’s mom died of cancer to hold Zane accountable.

That guilt caused him to fail as a father to both of his children.

“After Zane ruined the wedding, I knew it was time to talk to someone. I held it together for the most part, but when VP acted shocked that Zane would do that, I could have killed him. He chooses to live in an alternate reality, and Zane’s one step below a saint in it.”

Colt tangles his fingers in Lex’s hair and nods. “If it helps, not a single person would have stopped you.”

It was meant to make her smile, but she doesn’t.

She locks her gaze on that tattoo again and says, “When he downplayed how Zane destroyed any party Mom threw for me, it shattered something deep inside of me that was already broken. It was taped together haphazardly, but that’s the moment I knew he didn’t love me. Not like he does Zane, if at all.”

“Lex—”

“He makes me feel like I don’t matter, Colt. I’ve spent my entire life trying to make my brother and father love me, and I can’t do it anymore. Not without sacrificing myself. I have you and the kids to think about and take care of.”

The words stun him. Hearing her say she feels like she doesn’t matter steals his breath away. He can’t understand how she could ever feel like that because she’s so important to so many people. The most important to some of them, especially him.

Sniffling, she puffs out her cheeks and lets out a slow breath like a leaking balloon. “I talked to Dani that night, and she told me she and Dax finally had sex. That’s when I realized that there might be some merit to talking to a professional. It can help even the worst trauma.”

After the Summerville President thought his wife died over two years before they found her, Dax Hartman was ready to die. But when he saved her after learning she was alive, he realized she’d been through more than he’ll ever know. The best way Colt can describe it is that she was damaged.

Finding in her in that basement was one of the most heartbreaking things Colt’s ever seen.

Dani asked if they were there to kill her, and there were scars on her wrists to show where she’d tried to take matters into her own hands to end the torture.

To say it was rough for Dax getting his wife back and having her so different is an understatement.

“Can I ask what you talk about with your doctor?” Colt asks.

“Everything I can. Obviously, I don’t share club related things other than the overall dynamic. It makes more sense when I talk about my dad and Zane so she understands how the club used to be.”

He licks his lips. “Do you talk about… me? Us?”

“I have. I shared our whole story, minus the whole dismembering the Devils member in the bathtub thing. She made me realize how much everything from my past and present ties together. How my childhood affected our marriage without me knowing it.”

“How so?”

“I have this deep-rooted fear of always being second best. That my feelings aren’t okay and valid. There’s a lot of doubt I have about myself that I didn’t realize but makes sense in the way I’d react to things.”

Taking a deep breath, he whispers, “So, you feel that way with me? Scared of being second best?”

She swallows and looks into his eyes. “Sometimes, yeah.”

“I make you feel that way?”

“It all circles back to the past. Sleeping with Eva. And then the whole Diane thing. Not really dealing with everything makes it come up when I least expect it to.”

Now he feels like total dog shit. When he spiraled after losing Casey in Black Valley because he was younger than his little brother should have been if he was still alive, he didn’t want to bring it home.

He knows it was wrong to let a club bunny flirt with him, but he kind of liked the attention.

They had a baby at home, and Calla came before he did, as she should.

Worse, though, Colt drunkenly shared things he never should have with Diane. He didn’t mean to, and he certainly had no idea she was planning to use it to taunt Lex behind his back.

“How do I fix this?”

“You can’t,” Lex says. “I have to put the work in and do it. I’m not really good at fully accepting and forgiving, no matter how much I like to pretend I am.”

Closing his eyes, he shifts his face to stare up at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“It’s okay. We established that I trust nothing happened. It’s more of the emotions and self-doubt on top of how my family makes me feel that I have to figure out how to deal with.”

“I played a part, though. I hate that.”

“Hey, look at me,” she says, and he reluctantly does. “You helped fix me in so many other ways.”

“What? How?”

Smiling, she lays back down and curls up against his side. “You moved to Summerville for me. Then you moved back here for me without knowing why. You didn’t question it. You were there to help me from drowning when you had no idea how high the water I was treading was.”

“That’s called being your husband, baby.”

“You taught me that it is possible to be loved unconditionally. I have always thought love was conditional when it came to men, but you proved me wrong. That belief came from my father, but you changed all of that.”

“Doesn’t really take away from the fact I added to the reasons you doubt yourself.”

“But you also remind me how much I’m loved. Working on my self-worth is a Lex job. There’s nothing you can do about that. I have to put in the work, and I want to. For you, our kids, and for me.”

He presses his lips to her forehead. “I love you more than life itself. You know that, right? Know it and believe it?”

“I know. And I love you so much. I’m okay, Colt. We’re okay. But you’re right. I should have told you before now.”

“It’s okay. I get why you might be a little worried. We’re not exactly an open to the public bunch.”

His phone rings on the nightstand, and he smiles when Lex groans. “It’s two in the morning.”

He considers ignoring it and letting it go to voicemail, but he’s also the President now. Grabbing his phone, he stares in disbelief. “It’s Hailey.”

“Lucas and I haven’t been able to get ahold of her for a couple of months now,” Lex says and sits up.

“You better not be in jail,” he answers with a smirk. “Actually, that’s the only excuse I’ll accept for not hearing from you for months.”

“Colt?” Hailey whispers.

His smile falls, and he freezes. He expected some snide or snarky retort. It’s her go-to response. “Hailey, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

Lex looks at him with concern, and he wishes he could reassure her. Instead, he begins to dress when Hailey sniffles. He’s never seen her cry, let alone heard it.

“I don’t know,” she whispers. “Please, Colt… Please… help me?”

“What do you need?”

“I can’t get out of this by myself. I need… I need you to save me. Please?”