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Chapter Twenty-Three

Griffin’s Beach Undertaker

“ N o, I won’t feel sorry for myself. I’m going to fix this,” Undertaker says after an hour of staring at the ceiling.

He pulls himself up off the bed and walks into the main room. Brock and Grayson—someone must’ve called him to join the party—type furiously on their laptops at one of the tables. It would almost be comical if they weren’t currently trying to track down a serial killer.

“Got anything?” he asks, his mind jumping between Jamie and Nina.

He wants to find the man who did this to his best friend’s sister and the first woman Undertaker ever loved, but the guilt about how he’s made Jamie feels overwhelms him. Jamie means everything to him, but he made her feel less than that.

Colt shakes his head and sighs. “Not quite. It took a while to get into the hotel cameras. We’ve shifted from trying to find Nina to see who grabbed Marnie. What happened when you got Jamie?”

Chuckling, he realizes he was too concerned with his girl to tell the rest of them about the two men trying to break into Marnie’s apartment.

“There were two guys trying to break down the door. One got away, and I killed the other one. He had no information. I guess there’s this, like, underground temp agency sort of thing for criminals.”

“I’ve heard of that,” Grayson says. “It’s a network of for-hire guys established by men who wanted a way to stay behind the scenes.”

Colt juts out his chin. “What?”

“It’s actually pretty smart of them. Not great for the rest of us.

The men are hired and given a target. No additional information is given other than what’s needed, so if they get caught, it can’t get traced back to the one hiring them.

Once the job is completed, payment is received via wire transfer from an offshore account that’s impossible to trace.

We’re talking everything from petty crimes to murder. ”

“That’s basically what the guy said. Didn’t know who hired him, and he had no idea why the guy wanted Marnie. He was useless, so I snapped his neck.”

Pointing at the screen, Brock nods for them to take a look. “I got a shot of the guy who attacked Marnie.”

Undertaker leans down and glares. “That’s the guy that got away at the apartment.”

“Do we know anything about him?” Colt asks.

“Working on it. If he’s got a record, we’ll find it.”

“What, uh, room did Jamie get put in?” Undertaker asks.

The President shakes his head. “She said she doesn’t want to talk to you, man. I don’t know what’s going on, but she was… I’ve seen the look she had before. And it’s not a good look.”

“What look?”

“Defeat and resignation. I’ve seen it twice with Lex, and both times, she left my ass.”

“But you’re still married to her.”

Brock snorts while Grayson grimaces. “Yeah, but she disappeared for, like, a year the first time. She filed for divorce the second time.”

“How’d you get her back?”

Staring at the blond man with his long hair tied back, Undertaker waits with bated breath. If Colt could win Lex over not only once, but twice, maybe there’s a secret he can share. Something to help him win Jamie back.

“We have decades of history that starts in childhood. It’s hard to wipe away that type of foundation, but it took a lot.

The way I screwed up… Let’s just say I’m fucking lucky she found a way to forgive me.

I had to take a lot of ownership of shit, and then I had to put in the work to show I could be different. ”

The underlying insinuation doesn’t go unnoticed by Undertaker, and it pisses him off. It implies he and Jamie have a relationship built on a foundation of sand on the beach before a tidal wave knocks it down compared to what Colt and Lex have. “Which apartment?”

“Upstairs, fourth on the right.”

Racing up the stairs, he takes a deep breath and lifts his fist to knock. He freezes when he hears crying on the other side, and it tugs at his heart. Rather than knock, he just walks in, happy she didn’t lock him out, and he climbs into bed to hold Jamie.

The moment he touches her, she jumps up and moves away from the bed. “Don’t.”

“Jamie—”

“I just want to be left alone.”

Sighing, he stands and turns on the overhead light. Her blotchy face cuts him deep. She’s been crying since she entered this room. If he didn’t feel bad enough already, he feels worse now.

“Jamie, I really am sorry.”

“I know.”

“I have this way of being too focused on a task. It’s why I did so well in the military. If I was given a task, nothing got in my way, and nothing distracted me. Everything else just melted away. Disappeared.”

Jamie sniffles and nods. “I’ve noticed. I was the distraction that disappeared, remember?”

“I hate how I made you feel. Tell me what I can do to make it better.”

“Go and find Nina’s killer. If you don’t, I lost you for nothing.”

He searches her face, and he knows what Colt meant now. “You haven’t lost me.”

“Yeah, I did. You lost me, too. You just haven’t accepted it yet.”

“Jamie—”

“I’m sure you’re needed down there.”

Fear creeps into his chest. He can’t leave her like this. This can’t be the way this all ends. “We’re at a standstill at the moment, but Brock and Grayson are on it.”

“You stayed so busy for weeks with less than you have now. Don’t use me as an excuse to bide your time now. Go. Help them. Aaron and Nina deserve it.”

“I’m not biding my time with you.”

She sighs, but unlike earlier, she actually looks at him. “If you say so.”

“I want to talk about this. I know I hurt you, but we can work through this together. I just need you to work with me because I can’t do it alone.”

Her lips tremble as she smiles with a chuckle. “I know how that feels. I’ve been in this relationship alone for weeks.”

“I want to work this out.”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“Damn it, Jamie! It’s not pity!”

She flinches and steps backwards to press herself against the wall. His eyes widen in horror as he watches her. She’s afraid of me?

“That’s what it feels like,” Jamie says, her voice quiet.

Again, Undertaker feels like a caged animal with a predator circling him, hunting. He desperately wants to get out, but the person holding the key to unlock the cage keeps drifting further and further away from him.

“I love you.”

“That’s not what it feels like. Or, maybe you do, but you don’t love me the way you did before Nina’s tragedy fell into your lap.”

Letting out a deep breath, he does what he can to control himself. He can’t scare her. It’s the last thing he wants, next to her leaving. “I love you just as much as I did before.”

“No, you don’t,” she whispers.

“How can you tell me how I feel?”

Locking eyes with him, she blinks as the tears fall from her long lashes.

“Because I know what it feels like to be loved by you, and you don’t make me feel that way anymore.

It’s no secret that if Marnie hadn’t been attacked tonight, I wouldn’t even be here.

You’d still have no idea I don’t live in your house anymore. ”

He hates how he can’t argue with her logic. “I told you, baby doll—”

“I told you not to call me that.”

Her sharp tone hits him like a wrecking ball. He’s officially fucked up. “I told you that I get tunnel vision. Nina’s the only link I had left to Aaron.”

“I get it.”

“It doesn’t sound like you do.”

“I get it. It’s you who doesn’t understand, and I’m no longer in the position to explain it to you. You want me to say it’s okay, and that we’ll move on, but I can’t.”

Closing his eyes, Undertaker shakes his head. “You don’t want to move past this?”

“I want to stop losing,” Jamie whispers. “For once, I want to win.”

His eyes snap open, and he gapes at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I should’ve listened to my instincts. They told me you’d lose interest in me. It was inevitable. I always knew I’d lose you to another woman, but I never thought she’d be dead. I don’t know how to compete with a ghost, and I’m done fighting. I can’t make anyone love me, and I can’t keep trying.”

“That’s what you think? That you have to compete with Nina?”

She shakes her head. “No, because in order to compete, you have to be in the game. I bowed out. I learned a long time ago that it’s not worth playing a game you know you can’t win.”

“So, that’s it? You’re just done with me?”

“You really don’t see it, do you?”

“No, Jamie, I really fucking don’t.”

Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, she shakes her head again.

“You left me, and I fought for a while, but I recognize the pattern. The one that tells me I’ll only end up hurt, and I stepped away from the car.

You had every opportunity to realize you left me behind, but you just kept driving.

And I let you because I know I can’t stop a getaway car. ”

“This isn’t what it is!” he shouts and clenches his fists at his sides. “How can you believe I wouldn’t do anything for you?”

“Because you literally did nothing,” she says, a sob escaping. Her hand flies to her mouth, but she continues to stare at him. “I wasn’t asking for much. A phone call. Coming home one night. You couldn’t be bothered to do that.”

His stomach drops. “I want to get this asshole off the streets—”

“And you left me alone with no one while you did it. You put me in a position to be a desirable target. If this guy grabbed me on my way home one night, you’d never know. I’d be just another unidentified woman sitting in the morgue.”

“That’s… I never intended…”

“But those were your actions. I know better than to trust words alone, especially when the actions I’ve seen don’t align. Promises are easily broken, and you broke your promises, Undertaker.”

Undertaker? We’re here, now?

A knock at the door makes him snap. “What?”

“Woah,” Lex says after she opens the door. “Back it up about thirty steps.”

“We’re in the middle of something here.”

“And I’m supposed to hang with Jamie because Brock and Grayson found something you need to talk about as a group. You know… a plan.”

Maybe this won’t be such a bad idea. Maybe Lex can talk some sense into Jamie. “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” He turns and looks at his girl. “This isn’t over.”

“Yes, Undertaker, it is.”

Shaking his head, he walks downstairs. He just needs to get this squared away, and then he can focus on his relationship. This motherfucker’s going to die.