Page 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Griffin’s Beach Jamie

W alking up to the house Jamie believed she’d have more time in, she tries to calm her racing heart. Undertaker’s already inside because his bike sits in the driveway, and she feels sick.

I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep fighting him. The love won’t disappear anytime soon. Can I do this? Or should I just turn around and leave?

She squares her shoulders, determined to be as strong as possible, and she opens the door.

“Hey,” Undertaker says, turning to face her.

There’s a cut in his leather she sees in the light from the lamp behind him, and she points at it. “What happened?”

“What?”

“Your leather’s cut.”

Looking down, Undertaker shifts, and Jamie can see the blood on his jeans now. “Oh, I got stabbed.”

Oh, I got stabbed? “What?”

“The guy… The killer… He sliced me.”

“Are you okay?” she gasps and steps forward to lift his shirt, making him wince at her touch.

The makeshift stitches prove he did this himself. No self-respecting doctor would have done this, let alone allow someone to walk away sporting these.

“I’m fine,” he says, pushing his shirt down. He takes her hand in his and sighs. “I don’t even feel it.”

Pulling her hand from his, she steps back. “How can you not feel it? You got stabbed. And then you stitched yourself up.”

“Pain only hurts if you let it.”

“I wish that was true.”

He’s been pacing based on the recent wear pattern on the carpet, and she almost finds it cute. Almost.

“Jamie, I’m sorry.”

“I know—”

“Please don’t leave me.”

The way he stares at her with such fear on his face almost breaks her. “I never wanted to.”

“We can figure this out. I know we can. It’s clear I fucked up, but I love you. And I get that you don’t believe that right now, and I can’t blame you for it, but it is the truth. I’ll do anything to earn back that faith you used to have in me.”

“I followed the rules—”

“Fuck the rules.”

Blinking, Jamie just stands there staring. He has to have the rules. He said they’re the only way he can function in a relationship. If the rules don’t exist, does the relationship? Can it?

“I mean it,” Undertaker says, his eyes scanning the room like he did last night.

He looks like he’s trying to find a way out of a locked room about to close in on him. Looking around, she tries to spot something that may be a real source of his fixation. Like a bug she hates flying around her. If that’s the case, she’ll be looking for a way out, too.

“What are you doing?” Undertaker asks.

“Trying to figure out what you keep looking for. Is there a bug or something?”

His laugher catches her off guard, and she hates how her body turns to jelly at the sound. It’s been so long since she’s heard it. “No.”

“Then what’s with scanning the rooms we’re in? You’ve done it three times now, and it’s freaking me out.”

“I’m panicking. It’s involuntary.”

Furrowing her brow, she sighs. “Panicking about what? The ceiling falling on us? Wait, the ceiling isn’t going to fall on us, right?” she asks, her head snapping up.

He laughs again, and Jamie doesn’t quite understand how this conversation veered so far off topic. “No, the ceiling is fine. As far as I know.”

“I’m confused.”

“I’m panicking because I don’t know what I’ll do if you turn around and walk away from me. The thought of you never coming back makes me feel like I’m jumping out of my skin. But it’s worse to know that if you do, it’s because of me. I did it, but I can’t let you go without trying to stop you.”

You’re panicking at the thought of losing me? Me? Wait, where the fuck was this weeks ago?

“I know. It should have happened long before now. I should have known you weren’t here, and I fucking hate that I didn’t. That I was too consumed with my own shit to see it.”

Looking to the left and back to him, Jamie tries to figure out how he did that. Can you hear my thoughts? If so, tell me you’ll never call me baby doll again.

“I don’t blame you for going through my phone, and I understand why you don’t want to be called baby doll anymore.”

“How are you doing this?” she cries before bursting into laughter of her own. “I’m going crazy. That has to be it. I’ve lost my mind.”

“Doing what?” Undertaker asks, his eyes large and filled with concern.

Holding her sides, she bends over as she tries to catch her breath. The lack of sleep lately isn’t helping this situation either. “Reading my mind. I think it, and you say it.”

“What?”

She moves to the couch, and all humor disappears. Her hand runs along the couch Undertaker had her pick out after her father and stepbrother ruined the last one. He let her decorate the house, and she hates the sting in her eyes as she realizes this is one more thing she’s losing.

“Jamie, please don’t leave me.”

“You hurt me.”

Nodding, he looks at the ground. “I know, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”

“The rules—”

“Fuck the rules,” he says and sighs. “I mean it. I don’t need them if I don’t have you.”

“If you don’t have someone to follow the rules, they don’t really apply…”

He closes his eyes as he rubs a hand down over his face. “I don’t need them as much as I need you.”

“I liked the rules,” she admits, her voice quiet. “They were a little much to get used to at first, but you have no idea how much I loved that someone cared where I was and who I was with. Sure, it was out of obsession and possessive need, but it made me feel special. Until one day… I wasn’t.”

“You are special. You’re everything to me. It’s a flaw of mine, but I can become very singularly focused. When I realized Nina was a victim, I was upset with myself. Not because I’m still in love with her and want to be with her, but because I failed Aaron.”

Tilting her head, she frowns. “Failed Aaron?”

“I promised him a long time ago that if anything ever happened to him, I’d take care of Nina. I didn’t protect her, and I let my best friend down.”

Was it really more about Aaron than Nina? Or is it simply a justification?

“I don’t know why I kept all those pictures and videos of her on my phone, but they’re gone. Most of them. I couldn’t delete the ones with Aaron. But I was brought back to Aaron’s death when I knew she was gone, and I just… I got so lost.”

“Be honest with me. Did you ever watch that sex tape you made with her when we were together?”

He shakes his head and locks eyes with her, filling her with relief. “Never. I honestly forgot I even had it on there. I rarely go through my pictures, and they just kept transferring with every new phone. Most of them were taken by her, but I still never got rid of them.”

“I noticed.”

“I should have, though. The minute we became a couple, I should’ve deleted everything. I’m sorry, Jamie.”

“It’s hard not to think you wish she was with you instead of me. We’re nothing alike.”

Jamie lowers her eyes to the cut in his leather at his side because she can’t bear to see the truth on his face. But he moves to crouch in front of her, making avoiding his face impossible.

“That’s a good thing. The only reason she and I ever fit together was our shared grief. We did the same things we used to do with Aaron when we were just friends after he was gone, and it was a bond we needed at the time.”

“So, you do miss her?”

Sighing, Undertaker takes her hands. “Yes, I do. Being with her felt like Aaron was still with me. That we each had a piece of him, and together, he was almost sitting there with us like he used to. That stopped when we broke up.”

“Undertaker—”

“She was the only person who could understand how I felt. The one who felt the ache that still sits in the middle of my chest every day and never goes away.”

The pain in his tone fills the room to the point that it’s hard to breathe for Jamie as she looks at him. She’s never lost anyone like he has, but they both have few people in their lives they’ve felt close with. That much she can understand.

“I guess I get it.”

“Let me prove to you that I mean what I say,” he begs. “Please, baby. I don’t want to lose you.”

Tears sting at her eyes, and she wants nothing more than to jump into his arms and tell him she wants be with him. Forever. Because it’s the truth, but she can’t. Not just yet. She needs something from him.

“Your rules may be gone, but I have rules you need to agree to if we’re going to do this again.”

“Anything.”

“When I call, you have to answer. I need to be as important as everyone else.”

He nods enthusiastically. “Done.”

“Unless you’re on a run, you have to come home. If, for some reason, you need to stay at the clubhouse, you have to tell me. I need the option of coming to stay with you there.”

“Done.”

“And you have to fuck me in your apartment.”

He gapes at her, and she’s almost as surprised as he is that she spoke it so bluntly. “What?”

“We’ve never had sex there, and staying in the clubhouse can’t be sexless.”

“I don’t want others to hear you.”

Shrugging, she stands, and he does the same. “My rules are non-negotiable. Take them or leave them.”

He says nothing, and she walks to the front door, her heart sinking. The few things she has left here can stay. She doesn’t need them badly enough to show him her broken heart again.

“Do you want to go there now or plan for a later time?”

Closing her eyes, the tears of relief fall, and she sighs. “Later’s good.”

His hands are on her in a flash, turning her around and cupping her face as his lips claim her. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you. Knowing I hurt you so much has been driving me crazy. I deserve the slap Lex gave me.”

Jamie chuckles and wipes her eyes. “Yeah, you kind of did.”

“Why can’t the clubhouse be sexless?” he asks. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Because we stayed there the night I had that surprise I planned for us. It was the first night I spent sexually frustrated. The first of many.”

Picking her up, he buries his face into her neck. “I promise never to let that happen again. My job as your man is to keep you satisfied.”

“Sexually satisfied?”

The wicked smile he gives her makes her melt. “In all ways, but sexually is at the very top of the list.”

“Take me.”

“I need to hear you say it first.”

She frowns, the ache between her legs becoming unbearable. “I thought I just did.”

“No, not that you want me to make love to you. Tell me you still love me.”

“Oh, Frances, I never stopped. I don’t think I ever could.”

“I never stopped, either. I just lost all sense of everything before, but I promise, it’ll never happen again.”

Gently rubbing the backs of her fingers along his cheeks, she locks eyes with him. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you failed Aaron. Or Nina. Bad things just happen sometimes, and you can’t always stop them. They both know you loved them. I’m sure of that.”

“I wish I felt the same.”

“What can I do to help you?”

“Come home,” he whispers and kisses her lips so gently. “Come home and stay with me.”

She nods, and he carries her into the bedroom. “I’m home.”

“I need to hear you,” he growls and strips her naked with ease.

A happy sigh escapes her lips as he kisses down her body until he’s between her legs and licks at her neglected need.

She’s home. And she prays she never has to leave again.