Page 115 of Academically Yours

THIRTY-ONE

Noelle

Easter break was spent on the couch of the dorm, commiserating over a jar of starburst jellybeans while I watched whatever happened to be on TV. Which, as it turned out, was a whole lot of Hallmark movies. Hazel joined me on Friday. We sat on the couch, both in our pajamas, and we shared a bowl of popcorn, I could see the unanswered questions in her eyes.

She knew, more than anyone else, how much time I had spent with Matthew over the last two months.

I couldn’t even focus on my assignments or my writing in front of me because I was so worried about him.

He hadn’t responded to any of my texts since I left his house the other day. And I was worried. I had a right to be, didn’t I? I felt like he was brushing me off, not letting me in, and I didn’t know what was wrong. I knew there wasn’t a chance there was someone else in his life—not with the way he treated me. Not when we had this crazy insane connection.

He was always so open and honest, which is why it concerned me so much that he was shutting me out now.

“What?” I finally asked Hazel, after what felt like the millionth time that she looked over at me.

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Come on,” I insisted. “Just ask whatever you want to ask.

“Okay.” Hazel winced. “It’s just that…” She bit her lip.

“Haze. You can say it. I’m not glass, I won’t break.”

“It’s just that you said you weren’t going to date anyone. Or fall in love. And then…”

“And then I met Matthew?”

“Right. And now you’re like…” She motioned to my current attire. “I’m just surprised you’re not with him right now, is all.”

“Oh.” How did I tell her about all my fears and worries without sounding crazy? “We’re fine.” Were we? “We just needed to spend a little time apart.” I nodded to myself, hoping I sounded confident outside. Because I wasn’t on the inside.

Hazel raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because the way you’re moping around…”

“Hey!” I frowned. “I’m not moping.”

“What do you call eating that entire tub of jellybeans in two days?”

“Being festive.” I sighed. “I’m trying not to freak out, Hazel. Because I… I really like him, you know? And I didn’t want to fall in love… Because I didn’t want someone to break me again. I didn’t want to put everything into a relationship only to find it wasn’t important to them as it was to me.”

“And…?”

“And what?” I shook my head. “He didn’t want me there.”

“Maybe something else is going on, Noelle. Have you tried talking to him more about it?”

“No. He just shut down on me.”

“Well… You know his friends, right?” I had told Hazel about the game—and everything else about our relationship. I gave a nod of confirmation. “Could you try reaching out to one of them to make sure he’s okay?”

“I hadn’t thought about that. Yeah, I probably could.” Elizabeth had given me her number that day at the hospital, telling me to call her if I ever needed anything. Which was funny because she was the one who had just had a baby.

Picking up my phone and seeing all of the unanswered texts I sent to Matthew, I realized Elizabeth might have been onto something when she gave me her number. Maybe she and Bryan knew why he was being like this. And maybe if I knew, he would talk to me about it.

Because if there wasn’t something wrong, why else would he push me away? He was obviously troubled by something but didn’t want to share it with me. Was he shutting me out? I had thought, over and over, that we had shown each other that we could let each other in, and yet… I couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in my gut.

Noelle: Good morning!

Noelle: Lunch?