Page 74

Before she could say any more, he moved swiftly to kneel before her, holding her head between his hands and speaking in a rough voice, “My dearest Elizabeth, regardless of what Society may tolerate, I am not such a man. You are the only woman I want… the only one I desire … do you understand me? I would never ask you to share me, as you call it, any more than I could stand to see you in another man’s arms.” He rested his forehead against hers and was glad to see the relief and trust flood her eyes.

He kissed her forehead and her cheeks… and then their lips met and his passion swelled instantly.

While Lizzy’s fingers ran up the back of his neck and into his curls, Will pulled her closer and his hands began to move with a will of their own, first to her hair and then to her shoulder and the bare skin revealed by her short-sleeved dress…

their lips parted for a moment and he could not resist nuzzling her neck just behind her ear—a spot that had drawn him like a magnet since their earliest acquaintance.

Overwhelmed by the sensation Elizabeth’s head fell back and her hand reached around his waist to steady herself. His waistcoat had ridden up and as her fingers slipped under his coat, they pressed against that area where only the thin linen of his shirt kept her from touching his skin.

The effect on Fitzwilliam was immediate. His lips sought hers again and he plundered her mouth with all the hunger of a new lover. His hands roamed over her hip and cupped her breast until he heard her low moan of pleasure, “Oh Will…”

This lit a brief instant of clarity in Darcy’s passion-fogged mind.

Panting, he pulled back slightly to rest his forehead against hers and unhappily shifted his hand to a safer, if less pleasant, location.

“Oh Liz… my dearest love … we must stop. You must make me stop. I… you… we mustn’t…

not before the wedding… oh, my dear heart… ”

As Lizzy began to regain some of her own composure, their eyes met and in hers he glimpsed all the passionate love and desire he could ever have hoped for. Without really knowing what she was saying, Elizabeth whispered, “Oh Will, how much longer?”

At that, Darcy closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath before firmly detaching himself so that he might pace rapidly around the peak for some minutes.

When the gentleman had finally regained enough control to consider rejoining Elizabeth, he found her still seated, looking out across the fields of her father’s estate. He sat beside her and took her hand again, but left a few inches between them for safety.

“I want to tell you… your story brought to mind a memory, one I’ve never shared with anyone. It’s something that… well… no one with any shred of breeding would ever consider appropriate for a young lady’s ears. But… I would tell you—if you will permit me?”

His insecurities, usually hidden behind a carefully constructed facade, were uncomfortably exposed; Elizabeth nodded quietly and squeezed his hand.

“Thank you,” Fitzwilliam breathed, his throat suddenly constricted. He looked out across the landscape, seeing little but keenly aware of the lady beside him. It took some minutes but eventually he began.

“I was eight, and it was a rather bleak autumn day at Pemberley—a cold rain had been falling for days so any activity outdoors unappealing. When our lessons were finished, Richard, George and I decided to play hide and seek in the house—we had played explorers countless times and were quite at home with the servants’ passages, hidden doors, and such. ”

Seeing Elizabeth’s amused look shift to surprise, he added, “What Wickham told you about our being childhood companions was quite true. At ten, I believe his tendency was only to be a bit of a scamp, and that merely made him an exciting playmate at that age. I suppose George’s immoral tendencies were always there, but in those days it just meant that he was particularly good at charming sweets from Cook between meals. ”

Elizabeth smiled, pleased with this new glimpse into her fiancé’s boyhood before so many weighty responsibilities had been heaped upon him.

“I was looking for a place to hide and recalled a particularly large wardrobe in a small room in the guest wing. I… well… I was doing my best to climb the servant’s stairs without making a noise; there was a door to the room just at the top of the stairs, before the passage opened on to the main hallway.

I thought I heard someone, so I cracked open the door just enough to peek in to the bedchamber.

I suppose I expected to see one of the maids cleaning, or at worst, one of the other boys taking my hiding spot. ”

Darcy paused to raise Elizabeth’s hand to his lips and kiss her knuckles, and then held their clasped hands tightly to his chest. Elizabeth remained quiet, feeling his need to tell the story at his own pace.

“It was not. It was my father with my governess.” Darcy squeezed his eyes shut but the image would not disappear.

“I was shocked. I closed the door as silently as I had opened it and crept back to my own room, hiding in the window seat behind the drapes.” Trying to lighten the atmosphere for a moment, Will attempted to smile.

“It turned out to be a brilliant place to conceal myself… Richard didn’t find me for hours. ”

“Oh Will, I’m so sorry… My parents aren’t easy with one another, but I can’t even imagine seeing one of them so…” Elizabeth touched his knee, wishing she could take away some of his pain.

Fitzwilliam continued to speak softly, staring out over the landscape.

“People are fools when they say that children don’t understand such things.

I knew precisely what was happening the instant I saw them.

It was like a bolt of lightning across the sky…

suddenly I understood the sad look on my mother’s face when she returned from a ball or party in London without my father.

She would always say that he had gone out to his club, but even without knowing that there were such things as brothels or courtesans, I knew .

At Pemberley, some evenings he would leave her alone after supper, saying he had business matters to see to.

She would have me brought to her in the music room; I would sit beside her as she played the piano forte.

My mother’s playing always reflected her moods—it could be so light and bubbling when she was happy…

but those evenings her music always seemed so… haunted.”

By this point, Elizabeth had tears in her eyes and Will was holding her hand so tightly that it was nearly painful.

She rested her head against his shoulder, willing all her love and sympathy to help him heal.

His hand loosened and he shifted to kiss her brow before finally resting his cheek against her hair.

Gruffly, he finally articulated the reassurance he had wished to give her earlier.

“Elizabeth, I saw the pain that my father’s infidelity caused my mother. I swear to you, I will never do such a thing to you. It may not be the usual way in Society, but I have no wish… no desire for anyone but you, as my wife.”

She raised her head to smile into his eyes. “Thank you.” They kissed lightly, more for reassurance than from any great passion of the moment, and then turned back to look out over the landscape. When both released a deep breath, the couple looked sideways at one other and then began to laugh.

As the anxiety dissipated, Elizabeth lifted their clasped hands and let them drop back onto Will’s knee.

“Thank you, not just for the promise, but also for the story. I know it wasn’t easy for you to share, but I’m glad I heard it.

It makes me realize that, though you have been forcibly immersed in my own family, for better or worse, I really know very little of yours… of your childhood, for example.”

When Will grimaced, she added, “But then, I suppose I could simply spend time with Mrs. Reynolds and Colonel Fitzwilliam—somehow I think they would be happy to oblige me with stories of young Master Darcy’s mischief.”

Fitzwilliam chuckled at her threat, appreciating both her easy way of inviting confidences as well as her natural instinct to ease the tone their serious conversation with a bit of levity.

“ Pax, pax , madam. I shall tell you anything you wish. I fear I must, as any tale Richard spins will be exaggerated ten-fold.”

“And Mrs. Reynolds?” Elizabeth inquired teasingly.

“Hmmm... Mrs. Reynolds can barely remember that I have been breeched as it is, so I would greatly appreciate it if you refrain from encouraging her to dredge up memories from my childhood. She will regress to telling me that I cannot have any pudding until I finish my vegetables.”

Elizabeth giggled happily at his long-suffering tone. When had she ever thought this man so grim and serious that he was unable to smile, let alone laugh?

Darcy stood and held out his hand to help her rise. “All in good time, my dear. For now, I believe we had best begin our trek back to Longbourn before your mother sends out a search party.”

Elizabeth smiled knowingly at his evasion but took his hand to follow. The couple was silent as they climbed down the roughest portion of the path. Darcy felt as wrung out as he did after a morning of fencing practice at his club.

Elizabeth’s spirits, however, were rapidly rising as her quick mind reviewed the morning’s revelations. As they reached a flatter section of the path, she turned to him and without thinking, asked, “So have you?” At Darcy’s confused look, she added, “Have you… well, have you ever…? ”

Suddenly realizing precisely what his lively and inquisitive fiancée was asking him, Fitzwilliam blushed a brilliant scarlet from head to toe. He turned away from her and Lizzy noted with amusement that even his ears had reddened.

“Good heavens, Elizabeth. You can’t possibly mean to ask such a question! Or for me to answer?”