Page 28 of A Tale of Mirth & Magic

E LIKKI

F loating, floating. Hair drifted around my head. The water was freezing cold, but the top bit was just sun-warmed enough to manage.

Besides, I needed the shock of the icy water to wake me up. Now that I was on my own again, I had to be alert. Constant vigilance. It wasn’t safe to be tired, or even look tired. Or take midday naps in lovely lakeside patches of grass, however much I wanted to.

I let my body bob horizontally, savoring the feel of the hot sun on a few frigid parts that broke the water’s surface—the top of my tits, my belly, the curve of my upper thighs. This really was a beautiful little lake.

Closing my eyes against the bright sky, I tried to focus only on the way the water moved over and around my skin. Don’t think about him. Barra. His name brought a sharp jolt to my chest.

Stop it. You need to wake up and smell the seaweed. He’s gone.

I’d probably never see him again. And I needed to get over it.

The jolt stabbed harder, and I ground my teeth. A few tears leaked out, but that was fine. They mingled with the lake water on my face. It was all just lake water.

My toes were starting to go a bit numb. I should probably head back to shore. Get dressed, pack up, figure out my next steps.

I sighed up into the clouds, thinking of the long walk ahead of me to Old Orchard.

A long, quiet, boring walk with no sexy half-giant at my side to talk with, laugh at my clever jokes, flirt back and forth with, and give me those shy little smiles that made my heart go all warm and gooey. You really screwed this one up, girl.

Maybe another bounty hunter would attack me on the road to break up the monotony. Sighing again, I let my body fall under the lake’s surface and dunked my whole head. Sputtering, I rose and pushed the thick wet strands of hair out of my face.

“—ikki? Elikki! ” I heard a voice calling. Wow, did I just conjure a bounty hunter from thin air? A bit earlier than I’d like—hard to fight when you were stark naked. Not impossible though.

“What are you doing out there, you madwoman!”

I started to swim back to shore, but stopped in shock when I saw who was waiting for me. Pulling his hair, looking like he had half a mind to throw off his shoes and come into the water to get me.

Barra.

“I’m not giving back the blanket!” was all my mind came up with to shout back.

Exasperated, he threw out his arms, stepping closer to the lake’s edge, to me. “You daft mermaid, I’m not here for the ruddy blanket!”

I swam toward him slowly, thoughts whirling. When my feet touched rocky sand and we were within normal talking distance, I stopped again.

“What are you here for, then?” I studied him, holding back from rushing through the water to close the distance between us. He didn’t break my gaze.

“You,” Barra said, swallowing hard. “I’m here for you.”

It suddenly felt very hard to take full breaths. Warmth spread through my chest despite the water’s chill. I kept motionless, the lake’s gentle waves lapping over me.

“You left,” I said.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry too , I wanted to say. I’m sorry I suck at explaining what I’m feeling. I’m sorry I kissed you when you needed to talk. I’m sorry I didn’t even try asking you to stay.

Moving steadily, I stepped toward him. As the lake water sluiced off my skin, revealing me bit by bit, Barra made a choking sound, his eyes roving over my body before pulling skyward.

“El,” he said weakly. “You’re naked.”

“Oh. I guess I am,” I said, a hint of cheekiness slipping into my voice. He let out a shaky laugh, keeping his eyes averted, to my amusement.

It was hard to be sexy when freezing though.

Once I reached the shore and the breeze hit my bare skin, my teeth began to chatter.

I hugged myself and looked for my clothes.

Barra, probably hearing my teeth rattling away, jumped to help.

He grabbed my long skirt from where I’d tossed it on the ground and guided me to step into it.

He shrugged off his huge brown coat and wrapped it around me, bundling me tight.

I burrowed into the warmth it held from his body.

“You’re ice cold,” he said, his voice tinged with worry.

“W-worth it,” I said, “V-very refr-freshing dip. Oh dear. Are my t-t-toes blue?” I peered down at them. Yes, definitely light blue. How annoying.

I moved to where the infamous wool blanket was still spread on the grass and plopped to my knees awkwardly, wrapped in the bulky coat. I remembered yanking off my socks here. Where were they? Searching around, I spied them behind the big basket.

My hands were shaking. I couldn’t pull them on. Frustrated, I flung them away. So cold. So, so cold…

Barra was suddenly kneeling over me. He held my feet, wiping them dry with a piece of the blanket, then tucked the thick socks over each one.

“We need to warm you up more, El. Can I…?” He moved closer, gesturing with his arms out, a question in his eyes.

I nodded, shuffling closer to him. His arms surrounded me, and I pressed into the heat of his torso.

This felt so familiar, safe. I breathed in his minty, woodsmoke smell and let myself enjoy this.

It felt surreal that he was back. It couldn’t have been more than an hour or two, but I’d already been trying to mentally force him into the “Past” box in my mind. To shove away the memories and move on.

Now he was here, solid and real. He’d come back.

I reached for the blanket and tried pulling it around my legs for more warmth. Barra saw and carefully shifted me so I was lying down, then moved to wrap it around me.

“No—st-stay here. You’re warm,” I said.

He looked at me for a beat, brown eyes liquid and dark, and then nodded. Lying down facing me, he pulled the blanket over both of us, tucking in the corners as best he could. I tangled my legs with his.

“This reminds m-me of that first night. I moved closer to you once you fell asleep because it was chilly.”

Barra wrapped his arms around me again, rubbing warmth slowly into my back. I ducked my head under his chin, burrowing in.

“Was that really just two days ago?” His chest rumbled against my cheek.

“Hard to believe,” I said. The feeling was coming back to my toes. I wiggled them in my socks with relief. My fingers, pressed between our bodies, felt more like fingers again. I wiggled them experimentally too. “Yay, I can feel again!”

“Huzzah for that,” Barra said dryly, but I could hear the relief in his voice.

A comfortable silence fell. I wanted to stay wrapped up in this big blanket cocoon with him forever.

“Barra. I’m sorry.” He held still. It was easier to say this into his shirt than his eyes. “I’m not always great at—well, at talking. About important things. Feelings. But I have them. About you. And I should have at least tried to explain. Instead of letting you leave.”

“You have feelings about me? For me?”

I squirmed a little, suddenly feeling far too hot.

“I suppose. I mean, yes. I do.” Barra’s breath hitched a bit, and I rushed out, “I care about you. And when I realized it… honestly, I think I just freaked out a bit. Growing up the way I did, never truly feeling like I was wanted by my parents, by anyone—”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling uncomfortably exposed, and he squeezed me tighter.

After a few moments, I went on, “I’m starting to realize how much it kind of fucked me up.

You know, they forgot my birthday three years in a row?

Three. I know they never planned to have a kid.

They both are so obsessed with their work, it’s like nothing else exists.

But I—I existed . They made me exist, and then it was like they just…

couldn’t be bothered with me. And I remember so desperately wanting their love.

It was like this constant belly pain that wouldn’t go away.

“As I grew up, I found that the only thing that worked was to pretend it wasn’t there.

I didn’t need them. I didn’t need anyone else in that town.

And once I left, after a relationship mishap or two, I decided that I also didn’t need anyone else I met.

I was enough, and I was happiest on my own.

That’s what I told myself, over and over until I believed it. ”

I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing into his warmth.

“It was so wonderful not to feel horrible all the time anymore. Freeing. And I have loved my life on the road, truly. Parts of it anyway.” Swallowing hard, I tried to rally my nerve.

“But I shouldn’t have pushed you away. That’s not what I want.

It’s not your fault I had shitty parents and a crappy childhood. And I—I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

Barra’s lips brushed the top of my head. I could almost feel him thinking. Quietly, his voice a reassuring rumble, he said, “I care about you too, El. So much.”

I smiled against his chest, blinking pesky tears away.

“Well, good. That’s settled, then. We care about each other.

And I’d rather we stay together for the foreseeable future.

Until you need to return home.” My mouth tasted bitter as I formed the word “home,” picturing him being welcomed joyfully back by his mothers and sisters.

But I scraped that feeling away and focused on him here, now.

“I’d like that,” he murmured against my hair. “And I’m sorry too—I should have waited. Given you more time to think. Now that I know… it makes sense. But in the moment, it had really seemed like you just didn’t want me around anymore. Except to fuck. Which is a dynamic I know isn’t healthy for me.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” I said quietly, snuggling closer into him. We lay there for long minutes, just breathing, taking comfort in being together again. This felt so perfect, I almost wished we could stay here by the lake, wrapped in each other’s arms, and doze peacefully all day.

On the other hand…