Page 29 of A Sublime Casualt
Her sweet gesture spears me, and I die a little knowing she has knowledge about boys and I’m not there to guide her.
I nod, struggling to hold back tears. Knowing Theo, he’s already hopped back into the establishment.
We say ourI love yousrepeatedly like a chorus, stare one another down as I walk backward to leave. It feels like a miracle, and yet it all feels so final, far more painful than death. It’s almost worse knowing they’re roaming the planet and I can’t touch them, see them on a daily basis.
Theo waves me down as soon as I get past the door and wraps his arms around me hard. “You were really starting to worry me.” We take off for his truck, and I spot Devyn and Peavey by the door. Peavey lifts a hand to wave, and Devyn gives Theo a thumbs-up. I knew she’d love him even from afar.
That night Theo makes love to me as if he were going away to war, as if I just came back from captivity. Theo is living on the knife sharp edge of a nightmare, and little does he know so am I. That message I received is safely hidden on my phone. It’s not Gabby’s number. I’ve memorized that in the event I needed it way back when. No. It’s not anyone I care to know. But is it Lizzy? Or has the person who took her turned their sights on me?
I don’t breathe a word to Theo. He would report this. They might want my name. Details I cannot afford to give them. No. This stays with me.
Whoever did this has put me on notice.
And I am so very damn afraid.
Theo
Early in the morning, far too early for my taste, I meet up with Neil and Jackson at A Whole Lotta Bagels and we talk about Lizzy’s case over breakfast. Jackson and I don’t say a word about the St. Regency or the racy pictures. God, anything but those. The less people that know, the better. I’m seriously doubting that my mother has seen them, but according to Charlie, she is apprised. She would drop dead on the spot if she sawPebblesin all her bare-assed glory. I had to have Charlie look at the hardcore stuff and vet it for me. I just needed to know how far back the pictures go. About how many there were and for her to read the comments and take pictures of the assholes’ names to see if I could look them up and start a database, but it’s next to impossible.
Neil and Jackson notice I’m drifting and pepper me with questions about my budding relationship with Charlie. Just some good-natured ribbing. I don’t mind. I love talking about Charlie. The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s my first thought when I wake up, the girl of my dreams, literally. I’m floating on air when I think of her, and as soon as the reality of my sister smacks me in the face, I fall right back down to earth again.
After breakfast, after gleaning absolutely nothing new from Neil, we head our separate ways. Jackson back to bean counting, and Neil to act as a human paperweight.
The glory of being a cop in Wakefield is that you can go just about anywhere in the name of police business. Everyone fears you just a little, even if they don’t cop to it—pun intended. And no matter where you’re driving, people will automatically slow traffic down to a crawl. There is beauty in being respected—in having reverence shown to you, even if the rest of the world seemingly hates you. Most every officer I know is trying to make a living for their family just like everybody else. We’re just your average Joes with a gun strapped to our hips, life and death in our very hands, not heroes, not gods, just your average citizen trying to keep the city safe.
Del Sol Park is wind-blown, leaves scattered around the grass like debris. There’s a storm front moving in, and if the temperature drops another ten degrees, we’ll have snow. They’re predicting two or three inches over the next few days.
The skate park in the back is empty, save for a straggler by the swings. A lone male, about sixteen. Probably getting loaded off crap Miles sold him. Nothing like having a friendly neighborhood dealer you can go to anytime you need a fix. I head into the business office and note his desk is empty. Who in the hell gave that fool in charge of anything, I will never know. I head around to the gym, and the door is open. The sound of a ball dribbling goes off like a gunshot over and over again. Its echo sounds far too caustic for this gray day. Sure enough, it’s the scruffy stoner in the flesh—all by his lonesome as far as I can tell. There’s not a sign of another living being, so I head on over without saying a word. I’m not up for being nice to Miles. I bypassed the need to be polite about the time he decided to cry out to the world that my sister was spinning on a spit.
He turns abruptly, his eyes widen just a notch, and for a second he looks possessed.
“Hey, man”—he slings the ball into one arm and sags as if the sight of me relaxes him—“I’m sorry about all that shit with your sister.” He tosses the ball toward the stands and meets me halfway. “You want to see the DMs? She sent me a new one. Dude, I don’t know what’s going on, but this is some weird shit.” He pulls out his phone and works his thumb over it before holding it out for me to see.
Help me, Miles. It’s so dark. I’m so scared. It’s so cold. So very cold. I want to jump in the fire. Can’t walk. My feet have blistered, black as char. Help me Miles. HELP ME!!!
“Okay,” I grunt as my blood boils in an instant. “I’ll help her out.” I land my fist over Miles’ jaw and feel a satisfying pop underneath my knuckles. I pull him in by the shirt with my left hand and bludgeon him again and again until my fist is covered with blood and his front teeth are affectionately stained pink. I offer up a good swift kick to the nuts and he lets out a horrific howl, the sound of a human tormented beyond belief. A little bit of hell right here in Wakefield. I push him to the floor and give a hard kick to his ass before heading for the exit. The sounds of his crying, his sobbing, and moaning are a strange symphony for my ears.
Sometimes being a big brother trumps being a cop. Sometimes the only people I’m interested in protecting and serving are my family—and Charlie, of course. And with each passing day, Charlie feels like family. She feels like something closer than that. It’s as if my entire life were a compass pointing to her. The only thing that gets to me is that I waited so long to finally meet her. Jackson and Gabby had been after me for months to do so, and as stubborn as they were to get us together, I was far more pigheaded and refused to budge. I was grieving, lost in agony, fallen in the pit of despair. Getting my dick stroked was the last thing on my mind. Never did it occur to me that I would straight up fall in love. After that debacle with Ashley, I didn’t think romantic love existed. Not the way they painted it in the movies. But it does. It’s real, and Charlie and I have it.
Miles lets out one last blast from his lungs, and I can’t help but grimace as I get into my cruiser. It’s shaping up to be a great day already.
* * *
The next personon my hit list is Ashley Engle, ex-girlfriend extraordinaire. No, I don’t plan on roughing her up, not physically anyway. I just need to clearly, concisely, and ultra-politely drive home the point I’m taken. It might be hard for her to comprehend, but after hearing firsthand from Thomas that she was looking to dive down his pants while we were still questionably together or soon thereafter, I don’t feel too bad about delivering the news. I’ll admit, my ego took an unexpected blow when Thomas told me about the bizarre behavior. And much like Lizzy, I wonder if I ever really knew Ashley. I know Charlie, though, and that girl has stolen my heart, taken it away, and I never want it back. I’ve got it bad, and I’m not too sorry.
The Wakefield Public Library is of newer construction. The brick façade lends it an old-world appeal, and it’s exactly the look the city council wanted during the renovation. Everything in Wakefield is purposefully designed to look as if it’s been here for ages. We are a well-staged town, an architectural smoke and mirrors, but it’s fine by me. There’s something about the small-town feel I can’t get enough of. Wakefield is the exact type of place I want to raise a family in. My mind drifts as thoughts of Charlie with an infant in her arms, her belly filled with our second child take over. I want it all with her. The minivan, the soccer games, ballet, endless PTA meetings, a wall of diapers that never seems to end, the Disney movie outings, picnics in the park, assembly line peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before seven a.m. I want all of it. I really do.
I park and head on in, trying my hardest to evict the goofy grin off my face. The scent of parchment, sweet and thick, permeates my senses. It’s warm inside. The bright orange tiles in the entry look as if they were recently polished. The library itself is covered with mustard carpet, and there’s a soundproof hush that eats at my ears the second I step inside and I spot Ashley working the checkout counter.
She spots me, and her eyes light up like flares. Her mouth forms a dark circle as she gives a slight wave. She’s assisting a customer, so I get in line like anyone else. I’m up at bat next, so I patiently wait my turn. As soon as a mother and her young son walk off, I step up to the plate.
“Well, hello, handsome.” She attempts to bite down on her lower lip and overshoots it and spikes her teeth into her flesh. Ashley is attractive, just not anywhere near Charlie’s league. And as much as I feel like an ass for comparing the two, I can’t help it. I’m a guy. We compare. It’s reality as much as it is chauvinistic. “Are you finally taking me up on my offer for lunch?” she annunciates each word, each syllable like the tapping of a cymbal.
“Actually—” Shit. My timing was never good. The clock behind her reads one, and I feel like an ass stepping in just as she’s about to take her lunch break. For a minute I vacillate whether or not I should do it. A quick bite next door at the taco place, but for the life of me I can’t get the words out. Asking her anywhere would be a step in the wrong direction and feel like a minute betrayal to Charlie. “Can we talk a moment? Just here in the library. This shouldn’t take too long.”
“You bet.” She jumps to her feet and prattles off to speak to a girl in the back briefly who takes her place at the front. Ashley comes around the counter, wool pants, matching blazer, white shirt buttoned to her neck and dotted with a cameo. When I was dating Ashley, I admired the mature dress code she adhered to so strictly. Now I see it for what it is, matronly, nothing that flatters her in any way. But in all honesty, Charlie could wear this exact same outfit every day, and it wouldn’t matter to me one bit. In fact, I’d find her downright hot in it. I guess that paints a clear picture. I am head over heels in love with Charlie Neville, and I may never have been in love with Ashley. We were friends that took things too far, and it didn’t work out. No need for round two.
“What is going on?” She grips me by the shoulders before threading her arm through mine and leading us to the alcove that houses the copy machines. “I have to confess that I am beyond excited that you took the time to drop in on me.” She shakes her head with a growing smile taking over, her eyes frozen over mine. There’s so much hope blowing her up I feel terrible to stick a pin in it. Her finger glides down the front of my shirt. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you? Oh, Theo, we were so great. I’m so sorry it all got so ugly. How about we flush the past and start anew? I think it’s what Lizzy would have wanted, don’t you?”