Page 30 of A Seaside Scandal (Change of Heart #2)

I kept my gaze forward as I marched past the library, another sitting room, and the portrait gallery.

A large oak door marked the entrance to the south wing.

The pristine condition of the door did not answer any of my questions.

If it were true that a fire had destroyed that side of the house, then the door would have been replaced to hide the damage.

I hadn’t, however, considered that it might be locked. I tested the doorknob.

“Blast it,” I muttered under my breath.

I lit the nearest sconce before blowing out my candle in a puff of smoke.

I set it down, prying at the doorknob with both hands.

Disappointment sank through my stomach for a brief moment, but it vanished when I heard footfalls on the staircase behind me.

Exploring the south wing hadn’t been my main objective anyway.

Nervousness increased the rate of my heart as the footsteps grew closer. I recognized the weight of Jonathan’s steps, the rhythm and timing. It had been all I had heard from him for the past ten days in the house, after all.

“Alice. What are you doing?” His tone was weary—but not as frustrated as I would have expected.

My heart raced as I turned around. I hadn’t planned on being so nervous.

Jonathan stood a few feet behind me, dark hair mussed, cravat missing.

His jacket was also missing, shirtsleeves rolled to the elbows.

I couldn’t help but stare at him for a long moment.

I should not have been so shocked at his casual appearance, considering that I had once seen him without a shirt at all.

The image of him stepping out of the sea, droplets of water rolling down his face, neck, and chest flashed through my mind.

I scolded myself for imagining it. Again.

“I am attempting to enter the south wing,” I said bluntly.

Jonathan’s brows pinched together just like how I had demonstrated to Eliza in the mirror. “Mrs. Linton should have told you the dangers of doing so.”

“She did. But I wanted to anyway.”

His dark eyes took me in slowly, as if I were a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve. I held his gaze without faltering, which I was quite proud of.

“The door is kept locked for a reason,” he said. “I would encourage you to heed Mrs. Linton’s warnings.” He hesitated for a brief moment, still wearing that dreadful scowl. “Goodnight, Alice.” He pivoted toward the staircase.

“No,” I blurted.

He turned to face me again, a look of masked surprise on his features.

I marched forward. “You cannot dismiss me so easily this time. There is more I would like to discuss, if you don’t mind.” My voice wavered between being too angry and too passive.

His eyes were cautious as they met mine. He paused for several seconds, as if still torn over the decision to disappear again. “What would you like to discuss?”

I took a deep breath. “I cannot be expected to have Mrs. Linton and Eliza as my only companions. I do not understand why I cannot be introduced to some of the neighbors. Receiving calls would raise my spirits significantly.”

He paused for a long moment. “Our marriage is still too new. They will pry for information. If any women in the neighborhood call upon you, it will only be to find a fresh piece of gossip.”

“We already missed church last week. I felt quite guilty about that.” I crossed my arms with a scowl.

“In time, we will make more public appearances.”

“Do you promise?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

His lips twitched. “I promise.”

I gave a slow nod. At least I might have something to hope for now. My life might not be so tedious forever. My anger began sliding away from my heart like a melting sheet of ice.

But then Jonathan lowered his head, turning toward the stairs again.

“Where are you going?” The question burst out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“To my study.”

I scowled. “You are always disappearing to some task or responsibility, or to some place where you might avoid me. Have you always taken your meals in your room, or did you only begin doing that when I moved to the house?” My throat tightened.

All the emotions I had been suppressing, all my fears and worries came spilling out.

It was as if a dam had broken over my heart, and the force behind it was too great to control.

“I wish that we didn’t have to be strangers all of the time. ”

Heavy silence followed my words. The candlelight caught his features, and I saw a flicker of confusion in his eyes.

“This was what you asked for. In very clear terms, I’ll add.

” His deep voice grated over my skin. “You said you wanted our lives to remain separate. You requested a room in a different wing. You expressed your desire to be left alone.” His eyes flashed with frustration, but he drew a step closer to me at the same time.

“I have been giving you exactly what you wanted.”

I smelled a hint of leather and fresh paper, along with another masculine scent that made my head spin. How could I tell him that my desires had changed? That foggy feeling continued spreading through my head.

What did I want from him?

My gaze caught on his lips. I heard my own heart pounding in my ears.

I had never paused to study that particular feature of his before, at least not individually.

Well, there were two of them, of course.

Two lips. They were full and symmetrical, a soft shade of pink, as most lips were.

The scruff on his face was short, barely shadowing the space above his upper lip, his jaw, and the cleft in his chin.

I realized how long I had been studying his mouth, my face flaming as I lifted my gaze to his.

My study had taken far too long. Jonathan’s eyes were softer—even a little dangerous—as they connected with mine.

I tried to remember his last sentence, but my head was still spinning. The words crashed back into my mind. I have been giving you exactly what you wanted.

I forced myself to focus, but my heart still refused to slow. “I know I said all of those things. It seemed reasonable, and it still does.” I swallowed. “But there are a few alterations I should like to make if you are willing to listen.”

Jonathan nodded, his gaze still burning on my face.

I could hardly look at him, so I focused on the buttons of his waistcoat instead.

“I would like to dine with you in the evenings. I would like to not feel like a pest when we cross paths on the staircase. Besides that, we might try to exchange a few more words every so often so I do not feel like an imposter here.” I caught my breath, falling silent.

Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck in thought. “I will dine with you every other day. That is all I can promise. And I will make a greater effort to speak to you on the staircase.”

I might have been mistaken, but I thought I heard a hint of amusement in his tone. He did not realize how fragile my emotions were at the moment. Only every other day? My chest tightened with anger. “I hoped that you might be able to spare me an hour of your time each evening.”

“I have other responsibilities.”

“Such as?”

He didn’t answer.

My skin heated. “You think that you are the only one who had to make sacrifices by marrying me, but I have had to make them too. I gave up all that was familiar to me only to be isolated here. You may enjoy solitude, and you may choose it, but I never would have chosen it for myself. I gave up the comforts of my own home, the closeness of my family, my horses, and many of my dreams because you happened to be on the beach the same morning I was.”

He scowled, taking a step closer. “What dreams did you give up? Young ladies dream of living in houses like this, having bounteous pin money, and the freedom to do as they please.” His eyes searched my face in exasperation.

“I have provided you with a pianoforte, as well as painting, drawing, and embroidery supplies. I have not denied you the opportunity to go to the village to shop for bonnet trimmings or frames…or materials for your other pastimes. What is it that you feel you have been so robbed of?” His accusatory tone only made me angrier.

“You are describing Charlotte’s dream, not mine.

” I glared up at him. “You don’t understand.

I never wanted this. I know this is a concept that you might not understand, but there are ladies who want to be adored and understood by a man, not simply showered with riches.

” My skin burned hot. “Love is what I feel robbed of. It may sound silly, but I have always dreamed of love and romance. I have never even kissed a man.” The confession blurted out before I thought better of it.

“I realized that it’s quite unlikely that I ever will, considering our decision to…

keep our distance from one another.” I gulped, stealing a glance at his face.

He was listening carefully, his brow still furrowed.

I should not have, but I peeked at his lips again.

My stomach fluttered with a strange wave of longing, and it only grew stronger when I met his eyes.

The pull between us was tangible, and I could hardly draw my next breath.

“At any rate…my lack of a first kiss has been rather bothersome,” I finished in a quiet voice.

Jonathan’s gaze flickered to my mouth, then dragged back to my eyes. The slow transition made my heart leap. What on earth was I doing? Was I asking him to kiss me? That had not been part of the plan I had devised earlier. Not even close.

“Are you asking me to remedy that?” His deep voice sent a shiver over the length of my arms. How could a mere voice have that effect on me? But it wasn’t just his voice. It was the way he was looking at me; it was intense and soft at the same time.

I told myself to relax—surely he wouldn’t actually do it. During the past ten days, I hadn’t been able to imagine Jonathan Croft doing anything but frowning with those stern lips of his. I had nearly forgotten what his smile looked like, and I certainly hadn’t imagined that he would ever kiss me.

I inhaled deeply in an attempt to clear my head, but I only caught his scent again.

It made my eyelids heavy. “Of course not.” I took a step back, swallowing hard.

“I wouldn’t ask that of you. I was simply complaining.

Unleashing my frustrations.” I flashed a quick smile, suddenly eager to return to my room in the north wing.

I started to step away, but Jonathan caught me by the arm.

My gaze shot up to his, but he closed the space between us before I could draw another breath.

He was kissing me. The thought came a few seconds late—his lips were already moving against mine, his hands sliding into the hair behind my ears.

A shiver spread from his fingertips, trailing across my scalp and all the way down my back.

I had never felt anything like it. My arms hung limp at my sides, stunned and immobilized like the rest of my body.

When I finally came to my senses, I touched his chest, sliding my hands up over his shoulders and around the back of his neck.

He wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me closer until there was no space left.

His mouth captured mine again, but harder, with more passion than I would have ever expected he could feel.

Was he only pretending? Was he just trying to give me a kiss I would remember? Either way, it was working.

I would never, ever forget this.

My body melted against him, my legs unsteady. I anchored myself with a handful of his hair. My heart raced, and my stomach swooped and fluttered like seabirds. The intense determination of his kisses made my head spin, but I didn’t want him to stop.

Just as the thought crossed my mind, his lips parted from mine roughly. His eyes raced over my face, his chest rising and falling quickly. My heart hammered fast in my chest. Was he already regretting it?

He took a step back, and silence fell between us.

What could I say? There were no words to describe what had just happened.

I was already doubting that it was real—but then I saw the hair sticking out at the back of his head and the flush on his lips.

I still felt the weight of his embrace around my body, the pressure of his fingertips on my waist. My lips burned. My legs shook beneath my skirts.

His voice finally broke the silence. “There.” His throat shifted with a swallow. “You have your first kiss.”

I wanted to reply—but no words came out.

And then he had the audacity to turn around and walk down the staircase.