Page 17 of A Seaside Scandal (Change of Heart #2)

Charlotte had never had a mother like mine.

How different…or crueler…would I be without Mama’s guidance and love?

I didn’t dare imagine.

I fell asleep with head on the windowsill.

My lashes fluttered, my vision turning grey behind my eyelids.

When my eyes finally opened, I saw the faintest shreds of moonlight sparkling on the surface of the sea.

The Royal Pavilion was golden, with its onion-shaped domes, minarets, and scalloped arches.

I had nearly forgotten that I was in Brighton.

And that now I was in Brighton without Charlotte.

I had thought it best to stay in my room all day until she was gone. There would be no need for parting words—our emotions were still too fresh. Eventually, we could speak again, but for now…I had no doubt we would only argue.

My head still pounded, so I rubbed a circle on my forehead.

Dawn was close to breaking, the moon still glowing faintly in the sky.

The lack of light helped ease the pain in my head, but daylight would come soon enough.

My stomach growled, reminding me that I had left the tray Eliza had brought to my room the night before completely untouched.

I felt slightly better now, so I crossed the room and took a few bites of stale bread.

It did little to cushion the dread that spiraled down through my stomach.

I had been looking forward to my trip to Brighton for months, and now, it felt…

broken. Ruined. Edmund didn’t even want to be here. At the moment, neither did I.

I couldn’t banish the image of Mr. Croft’s harsh expression from my mind when he had turned to face me on his horse. I felt so pathetic, so silly for following him at all.

It didn’t matter. He was free of me now. He would not have to see my face at any events for the next two days at the very least, perhaps longer. There was nothing more I wished to do in Brighton anyway.

Well, there was still one thing.

I peeked out the window again. The moon was fading into the sky like a watercolor splotch. The sun would rise soon…and my secluded beach might not still be so secluded.

This could be my chance for a solitary swim.

My heart hammered in my chest. If there was anything that might untether my emotions from me, it was the sea.

Surely the famous Brighton waters could heal me of anything—even a wounded heart.

I shot up to my feet, a wild determination growing inside me.

I hadn’t slept well the night before, so perhaps my judgment was lacking, but this could very well be my only opportunity.

With Mama absent, I could easily sneak back to the house with Eliza, even if I was soaking wet.

Anyone who saw me pass would assume I had been in the water with the dippers and bathing machines, which was perfectly acceptable behavior for a lady like myself.

Yes. This was my opportunity. I couldn’t waste it.

I tugged on the bell pull, and a few minutes later, Eliza was at my door.

“I wish to go for a walk.” I gave her my most cajoling smile.

She threw me a questioning look, one that verged on berating, but helped me dress in a white muslin morning dress anyway. I wore my cloak over it to ensure I had something warm to wrap myself up in after my swim. Eliza would not need to know my intentions until she was too late to stop me.

I smiled to myself. By the time the morning was through, I might be free of my worries about Charlotte and Mr. Croft.

They might be swept away, and I could forget both of them for good.

By dipping into those waters, I could symbolically start my trip anew—without any burdens to carry with me for what remained of my time in Brighton.

I repeated these reassurances in my mind as Eliza and I made the walk toward the beach. The sky wasn’t entirely dark, but it also wasn’t light. With my cloak over my hair, I felt safe and hidden from anyone who might recognize me. But it didn’t matter.

By the time we reached my secluded beach, there wasn’t a soul in sight.

My heart pumped fast as I looked out over the water.

It was not as calm as it had been the last time I had visited.

The waves rolled in faster, but they were still small enough to look manageable.

I was an experienced swimmer from my practice at the deep ponds near Kellaway Manor.

How different could the sea be? I knew there was the possibility of fish under the surface.

That was what gave me the most hesitation.

I certainly didn’t want any sea creatures brushing against my legs or feet.

Or biting them.

My stomach twisted with a mixture of nervousness and glee.

Was I truly going to do it? If so, I was running out of time.

The sunrise was steady, stealing away my blanket of privacy.

I would have to be quick—just a few minutes of amusement out in the waves and back in again.

It made me smile to think of how appalled Charlotte would be by my behavior.

That was the final encouraging thought I needed.

Without glancing back at Eliza, I took off my cloak, leaving it on the rocks behind us. I crouched down to unlace my boots.

“Miss?” Eliza hissed.

“Shh.” I put a finger to my lips, tossing her a playful smile. “I won’t be long.”

I heard her huffed breath as I walked in my stocking feet across the pebbles, sand, and seaweed. Delight bubbled up inside me, but I kept my mouth shut. I took a glance toward the other side of the beach. I couldn’t see beyond the tall rocks, but it was safe to assume I was alone.

With tentative steps, I inched closer to the water’s edge.

The seafoam lapped over my toes. It was colder than I remembered.

Perhaps having a dipper to force me under the surface would be beneficial after all.

My arms erupted in gooseflesh as I took another step into the water.

A wave struck my lower legs, but I pressed forward until the water reached my thighs.

My white muslin skirts floated around me, tossing with the force of the water.

A large wave was coming, coiling up toward me.

Before I could lose my nerve, I took a deep breath and dove into it.