Page 23 of A Seaside Scandal (Change of Heart #2)

Chapter Fifteen

JONATHAN

Iwas convinced that there was no sharper object in the world than Miss Kellaway’s gaze. I felt it like a tangible thing, driving into the side of my face as I looked out the window.

Except she wasn’t Miss Kellaway any longer.

She was Mrs. Croft now. I couldn’t very well call her that, so Alice it would have to be.

I had been determined to ride in silence for a few minutes, but her insistent gaze forced my attention away from the window.

She watched me with cautious eyes, fingers twisting together in her lap.

The fact that she had nearly fainted after marrying me did not bode well for our future. But she looked well enough now.

Too well for my liking if I was to avoid her as planned.

She looked beautiful. Terrified, but beautiful.

Her behavior throughout the day had led me to wonder if she had truly meant to ensnare me or not.

She seemed just as displeased with marriage as I was.

Perhaps even more so. If she had wanted this outcome, then why would she have been so pale and faint in the churchyard?

The question continued to vex me. My original assumptions might have been wrong, but I still lacked evidence either way.

How would I ever be able to trust her?

For a long moment, Alice and I simply stared at one another, locked in a stalemate.

She didn’t seem inclined to speak first, and neither did I.

We had a long journey ahead of us before we arrived at Southcliff Manor, and I hardly knew what would come after that.

There would have to be some degree of communication between us.

And eventually, I would have to find a way to tell her about Margaret.

My stomach twisted with nerves.

“Are you feeling better?” I asked finally.

Alice sat up straighter, eyes round with surprise. She must have not expected me to surrender. “Yes.” Her gaze lowered to her lap. “I-I hope I didn’t embarrass you.”

I felt an upward tug on the corner of my mouth. “I think we are past that point.”

She looked up with a laugh. “I suppose you are right.”

A scandal like the one we had created would feed the people of Brighton for several weeks, if not more. It would be good to leave it behind. The entire town could find something new to gossip about now that we were gone.

“Thank you for your help.” Alice’s voice was strained, as if it had taken her a great deal of effort to express her gratitude. “Like I said, I don’t usually faint.”

I shrugged, leaning forward. “‘In sickness and in health.’ I didn’t expect to be tested on my vows so soon.”

She folded her arms, lips pinched together. “I hope you don’t feel…obligated by those vows.”

I studied her stern expression. It was ridiculous that she was still so cross with me when I had been the one to save her from ruin. “We did swear to them in front of the vicar and many witnesses.”

“Yes, but this is not an ordinary marriage.” She cast me a thoughtful look. “Remember?”

I had been trying very hard not to be amused by her, but with such a long journey ahead of us, there was no point in being entirely cold. I mirrored her thoughtful expression. “Which words of the vows are troubling you?”

Her gaze flickered away from mine. “All of them.”

I maintained an even expression.

“You have fulfilled your obligation toward me,” Alice continued in a quick voice. “I simply mean to say that I permit you to ignore the other parts of the vows.” She waved a hand dismissively in front of her before looking out the window.

“You permit me? I am honored.”

She shot me a glare. “What I mean is that I release you from any future obligations you might feel.”

“Such as?”

She sighed. “There were a number of things mentioned, as you know. I need not make a list of them.”

“Perhaps you should. I may not have planned to be your husband, but what you must know is that now that I am, I intend to be a decent one.”

Her lashes lifted, revealing her cautious eyes.

The carriage went over a bump, causing her to pull her gaze away again. “You can be a decent husband without meeting all of the vicar’s demands.”

“Well? Which of these obligations do you release me from?” I asked. “I will need you to be more specific.”

She sat up straighter, eyes shifting at everything but me. “There was something about loving me. That will obviously not be necessary. Comforting me. Having and holding me.” Her cheeks flushed. “Honoring me. Keeping me…that is the only one that might be unavoidable.”

I sat back and rubbed the side of my face, feigning deep thought. “Yes, I suppose keeping you is necessary at this point. An annulment wouldn’t be wise.”

I watched her features twitch with concern. She nodded slowly.

If these were truly her wishes—that we be as far apart as possible—then I would have to learn to ignore her charms. At the moment, she looked angelic in her white gown. But I knew better. Her words could be sharp, even more so than her gaze.

I cleared my throat. “Very well. I shall not love you, comfort you, have or hold you. But I will honor and keep you. That is my compromise. Are you content with that arrangement?”

My frankness seemed to take her by surprise. She was silent for a moment before nodding. “Yes.”

I still battled against the strange urge to smile. It was clear that my decision to honor her was vexing, but she didn’t argue against it. She seemed to have more to say but was holding her tongue. The furrows on her brow only served to encourage me.

Vexing her could very well become one of my favorite endeavors.

“You should know that honor is important to me in every sense of the word,” I said in a serious voice. “I would not have married you otherwise.”

She blinked, her features stoic. “Yes. I know.”

I studied her profile as she turned toward the window. She seemed to be finished with the conversation, at least for now. That was well enough for me.

I leaned my head against the cushion and closed my eyes.

The journey was expected to take one full day, setting our arrival for late that night.

This time in the carriage was likely the longest Alice and I would be forced to share one another’s company.

After today, we could part ways, remaining in our separate areas of the estate, and speaking only when necessary.

Alice would have the grandeur she had always wanted, and I would have my privacy.

I stole one more glance at Alice before snapping my eyes closed again. We had left in such haste; we hadn’t thought to bring any books or other entertainment for the journey. Most newly married couples would find many ways to entertain themselves in the privacy of their wedding carriage.

But, of course, we were not like most newly married couples.

As the carriage swayed, even the slightest brush of my knee against Alice’s made her flinch, tucking her legs out of reach. A scowl marked her brow as she rested with her eyes closed, seemingly trying to drown out my presence entirely.

We stopped for a meal and to change horses halfway through the afternoon.

We hardly spoke as we ate the posting house offerings of bread, ham, and cheese as quickly as possible.

Alice ate politely, but much more quickly than I had ever seen a woman eat.

She drank her cup of water in a few large gulps before standing from her seat at the table.

Surely she was thinking that the sooner we resumed our journey, the sooner she could escape me.

Alice’s lady’s maid, as well as my valet and a few other servants who had accompanied me to Brighton, followed closely behind in my hired chaise as we continued on the road toward Southcliff Manor. I wished one of them would join us in our carriage; the silence was becoming deucedly unbearable.

“We should arrive by nightfall,” I said after a particularly long stretch.

Alice tossed a lazy glance in my direction. “Very well.”

I cleared my throat. “I sent word to my servants to prepare a room for you. I hope it will be suitable.”

She paused for a long moment. “It is not adjoined with yours, I presume?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “There is no adjoining door.”

“But is it in the same corridor?”

“Yes.”

She chewed the corner of her lower lip, eyes narrowed in thought. “Is there not a separate wing or floor of the house that I might situate myself in?”

I sighed. “That can be arranged if you wish. But tonight, you may not have a choice but to share the corridor with me.” I couldn’t hide the sardonic tone from my voice. “My deepest apologies.”

Her nostrils twitched. “So long as we do not share a room tonight, I will be content.” She still watched me with a nervous look.

A hint of amusement flickered across my face. After all that we had spoken of, was she still afraid that I had expectations for that evening? If I still had any doubt that she as repulsed by me, it was now confirmed by her expression.

A laugh escaped me. “This is not an ordinary wedding day, Alice. Nor will it be an ordinary wedding night. You may rest assured that I will keep my distance.”

The blush on her cheeks deepened, but she seemed content with my answer. “You cannot laugh at me and call me by my Christian name in the same sentence,” she muttered. “That is far too unsettling.”

“Ah, another of your rules.” I stared across the carriage at her. The sun had begun setting outside the windows, bathing her skin and hair in warm light. “May I call you Alice under any other circumstances?”

She hesitated. “I suppose that’s acceptable. I would rather be called that than Mrs. Croft. I doubt I will ever grow accustomed to the name.”