Page 16 of A Seaside Scandal (Change of Heart #2)

Chapter Ten

ALICE

Icouldn’t think clearly as I watched Mr. Croft grow smaller in the distance.

He was even more spooked than my horse.

My pulse raced in my ears, my chest tight with regret. Heat climbed up my neck until it felt like it might consume me entirely. If I looked at Charlotte now, I would cause another scene in public. The Steine was still rather empty, but the pathways were slowly collecting people.

Now was not the time to start another squabble, but oh, would I start one later.

I tapped my heels against my horse’s flanks, causing him to leap into motion.

The poor creature had obviously been startled by Charlotte’s handkerchief fluttering into his face, which I knew for a fact had not been accidental.

She had used a similar tactic with her shawl on our first day in Brighton.

I was learning that she was quite skilled at tossing things into the wind to obtain her objectives.

Edmund had chased her down the beach that day, just as she had planned.

And today, I had been humiliated…just as she had planned.

I streaked past Charlotte and Edmund, unwilling to minimize our confrontation by having it here in public. I didn’t want to hold myself back.

For the first time in my life, I was going to speak my mind to Charlotte Lyons.

All of it.

When I reached the house, I tore off my gloves and hat in the entry hall.

The hairs at the base of my head stuck to my neck, my skin damp with perspiration.

Tears already stung behind my eyes, and not only because of what Charlotte had done.

The harsh words Mr. Croft had thrown at me before disappearing down the Steine still echoed in my mind.

They hurt. They scratched at my heart like thorns.

I hope I have not indicated any sign of an attachment to you, or to anyone else.

Such a thing does not exist.

Nor will it ever.

I blinked, and a tear fell down my cheek. I slapped it away.

I paced the checkered tiles until I heard the front door open behind me. Mama, Edmund, and Charlotte walked into the entry hall together, bringing an awkward hush with them.

I wished Mama wasn’t here. She had a way of softening me when I didn’t wish to be softened.

Even now, seeing her worried expression, I felt incapable of anything but shedding tears all down my face and riding habit.

Edmund, however, had the opposite effect on my emotions.

He looked just as angry as I was. Just as vexed.

His dark hair was mussed from the wind, half-flattened by the hat he had just been wearing.

Then there was Charlotte.

My dearest friend.

How could I call her that now? How had I ever called her that?

Her expression was reserved, perhaps a little shameful. But what emotions I saw in her, I knew she would never own up to. She had far too much pride. Silence weighed heavily in the open space until I finally unearthed my voice. “Why did you do that?” My voice shook. “Why?” I demanded.

Charlotte’s brow was marked with a rare crease. “You are a good rider.” She laughed lightly. “I knew you wouldn’t actually fall.”

“This is not amusing, Charlotte!”

Her cool expression snapped into a glare. “It wasn’t amusing when you threw your punch at my gown either!”

“Was this your revenge, then? We agreed not to allow Mr. Croft to come between us! We agreed that we would never try to see him again.” A lump formed in my throat, and I fisted my hands at my sides.

“All you do is lie, and lie, and lie, and I can’t endure another second of it!

Why did you plan to go riding with him in secret? ”

Charlotte’s cheeks turned pink, but her posture remained rigid. Her eyes were much dryer now than they had been when she had faked her tears during our ride. “Surely you would have done the same thing,” she said in a dismissive tone.

“No! No, I would not have done the same thing!” I took three strides toward her, glaring through my tears.

“I was invited to go riding, but I declined because I am not a horrible friend. You are. Not only that, but you are a horrible person. You cannot allow me to have one good thing.” I shook my head. “You never have.”

Charlotte reared back in shock. “That isn’t true! You have all the good things! All of them!” Her nose twitched, and her eyes glistened. “I have nothing compared to you.”

“What?” A hard laugh escaped me. “What do I have that you don’t?”

Her eyes darkened, but she said nothing.

I paced in front of her. “All you want is money. A rich husband. A grand house. A title.” I listed off the items on my fingers. “You would sacrifice me, my reputation, and our friendship in order to obtain all of it.”

She scowled, her face growing redder by the second. “No. I would not.”

“You already have!” I exhaled through my nose, my nostrils flaring. “The worst part is that you won’t even confess to it. You won’t admit that you have done any wrong. You don’t even realize how horribly selfish you are!”

She lunged forward, shoving me back by the shoulders. “The only wrong I have done is come to Brighton with you.”

I stumbled back a step. “Then leave.”

“So you can have Mr. Croft to yourself?”

I sighed in frustration. “This isn’t about Mr. Croft! And he doesn’t want me. He said it himself.” My voice wavered. “So you can leave Brighton knowing that you accomplished your objective.”

Before Charlotte could reply, or Mama, or Edmund—I whirled toward the staircase and ran. I didn’t stop until I was behind my bedchamber door. I slammed it shut behind me and collapsed onto my bed face first. I wanted to scream into my pillow, but I cried instead.

Charlotte and I had never fought like this.

I had never spoken so freely to anyone in my entire life.

No matter how cold she appeared, she must have felt the impact of at least some of my words.

I tried not to feel guilty, but my heart stung with a variety of pain—emotions that I couldn’t count or distinguish.

By the time my tears slowed, I was exhausted.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but my throat was raw, and my head pounded. A knock sounded on my door, and I recognized the rhythm immediately as Mama’s.

“Come in,” I croaked.

The door eased open, and Mama crossed the room to my bedside.

She sat on the edge of the blankets, arms outstretched.

My guilt multiplied at the gentleness in her eyes, but I tried to ignore the feeling as I leaned into her arms. Mama had taught me to be kind and gentle, but today I hadn’t been.

I should not have felt guilty for finally standing up for myself.

I might have hurt Charlotte’s feelings, but there were moments that I wondered if she had feelings at all.

I pulled away from Mama’s arms with a shy glance. “Are you here to chide me?”

Mama smoothed my hair away from my face. “No.” The wrinkles on her forehead softened. “Edmund told me everything he knew. You felt betrayed. I do not fault you for how you reacted today.”

I sniffed, wiping the base of my nose. “Charlotte must hate me.”

“She could never hate you.” Mama shook her head. “She will forgive you much easier than you will forgive her. She needs you, but that doesn’t mean she deserves you right now. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to walk away.”

I nodded, leaning into her touch as she brushed her fingers through my hair. “She doesn’t need me,” I mumbled.

Mama was quiet for several seconds. “Have you considered that you might just be the only person who loves her?”

I met her gaze with a frown.

“You know how her mother treats her,” Mama continued.

“Her father is gambling and drinking most of the time. She and her sister are so different…they behave as strangers—in public, at least. I truly believe that Charlotte has taken you for granted. I don’t think she understands what it means to love and be loved.

She envies you. You have parents who love you, brothers, grandparents, and friends.

” Mama’s voice softened. “Perhaps she is even afraid of losing you to a man who will take you away from her.”

Her words struck my heart hard. I sat back on my pillows as I tried to absorb her meaning.

“That does not make anything she has done fair or acceptable.” Mama took a deep breath. “In my opinion, you have both misbehaved, but she is more at fault than you.”

I knew she was referring to my behavior at the ball, and I wholeheartedly agreed.

“She has expressed just now that she does wish to leave Brighton,” Mama said.

I nodded, but my stomach pooled with dread.

It was for the best that we be separated for now.

We both had much to think about, and much to forgive.

The fact that Charlotte had surrendered her place in Brighton told me that my words had indeed strung.

She was not as unaffected as she liked to appear.

“As her chaperone, I will accompany her back home this afternoon,” Mama said. “Edmund has agreed to remain here in Brighton with you, but you won’t be able to attend any events until I return in two days’ time.”

“Of course.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks.

Mama wiped them away with her fingertips. “You did care for Mr. Croft. I could see it. You were beginning to like him.”

I nodded. It felt like a confession to a deep secret, but it made my heart feel lighter. “I was. A great deal, actually.” I sniffed again. “That rarely happens.”

Mama gave a soft smile. “It will happen again. The right man will claim you. He will choose you. You will not have to chase him or compete for his attention, I promise. You’ll see.

” She kissed my cheek and squeezed both my hands.

“You, my dear girl, deserve to be loved in the most special, beautiful way.”

A spark of hope touched my heart, and I smiled through my tears. Warm gratitude flooded my chest for my mother and her hugs and comforting words, but it was followed by a twinge of pity.