Page 36 of A Little Crush (The Little Things #6)

RORY

I thought a hot shower would be enough to erase the feel of Jaxon’s hands on me.

It doesn’t work. Then again, maybe I should blame the panty-melting video footage I deleted because that kiss was one for the books.

After drying the shampoo and conditioner bottles so there isn’t any potential soap scum on the little shelf, I towel myself off, then slip into some sweats and a T-shirt before finding a text from Tatum.

Tatum

Hey! How was your flight? I’m ready for an update.

With a quiet groan, I dial Tate’s number and bring my cell to my ear, figuring it’ll be easier to word vomit the entire ordeal instead of telling her everything over text. There’s no way I’m keeping this mess to myself.

It rings a handful of times before my best friend’s voice echoes through the speaker. “Hey, Rore!”

“Hey,” I return. “I figured a call might be easier. How are you? ”

“Good. Just hanging out. How are you? How was the flight? I’m sorry about the Lions’ loss.”

“You watched the first game?” I flick off the bathroom light and enter my bedroom. “You never watch?—”

“Technically, Lia told me.”

“Ah, makes sense.”

“Yeah, just because I’ve decided I don’t hate all things Lockwood Heights anymore doesn’t mean I’m willing to sit through an entire hockey game.”

A spark of amusement manages to break through my mopiness. “Of course not.”

“So?” she pushes. “Was this trip as uneventful as the last one? How’s Crowther and Poppy and Jax and-—”

“He kissed me,” I blurt out. There. I said it.

And maybe I shouldn’t have, but I don’t know.

I guess I could really use my best friend after whatever the hell happened outside.

Honestly, I’m still spinning. My lips still tingle.

My heartbeat is still erratic and unsteady, and… I can’t believe he kissed me.

“Crowther?” Tatum asks.

“Nope.” It comes out as a squeak, and a burn hits my eyes at the memory as I press my fingertips to my lips.

“Wait, Jaxon kissed you?” Her voice cracks on his name like she’s just as blindsided as I was before the sound of her phone clattering to the ground greets my ears. “Sorry,” she adds. “But seriously. Jaxon kissed you?”

“Mm-hmm,” I choke out. My butt finds the edge of my bed. “Yup. Twice, actually. He also touched my boobs, but he was drunk that time, so I’m not sure if?—”

“Hold up,” she orders. “Rory, slow down and start from the beginning.”

So I do. And just like I expected, it comes out like word vomit, one confession after another until the dam is broken and tears trickle down my face like the rain did outside thirty minutes ago .

How was that only thirty minutes ago?

When I’m finished, I wipe at my cheeks, drowning in my best friend’s silence as she processes everything. “Okay now it’s your turn,” I tell her. “Say something.”

“Uh, well?” Tatum hesitates. “That’s…a lot.”

With a pathetic laugh, I reach for a tissue on my nightstand, blow my nose, and reply, “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”

“I’m debating on buying a plane ticket and giving you a hug because you sound like you need one.”

She’s right. I do. Even knowing it won’t fix anything. Not really.

Twisting the tissue between my fingers, I mutter, “What I really need is a Jaxon translator.”

“Did he ask to come inside after the kiss?”

“I already told you, all he said was that I should go inside because he doesn’t want me to catch a cold,” I repeat.

“And that’s it?”

“Yup.” I puff out my cheeks and lay down on the mattress, my exhaustion getting the best of me. “That’s it.”

“Maybe he didn’t want to pressure you,” she offers. “Maybe he thought that if he came inside, it might lead to something…more. Like him coming inside, if you know what I mean.”

Is that it? The real reason why he left me hot and bothered? I mean, it’s possible. The guy’s as straightlaced as they come. Or at least, I thought that was the case until he climbed into my bed and felt me up. Now, I’m not so sure.

“Maybe,” I murmur, but I’m not entirely convinced.

He’s so hot and cold. So hard to read. I know he wouldn’t use me.

But I gave him multiple opportunities to drop the whole drunken kiss debacle, and what did he do?

He followed me out into the rain and ruined me with a single brush of his lips.

So what the hell am I supposed to do now ?

“Wait, does he think you cheated on Dodger with him?” she rushes out. “Maybe that’s why?—”

“Nope.” I stare up at the ceiling and crumple the tissue in my hand, letting out a long, dejected sigh. “He already knew Dodger and I were never real, thanks to the whole never been kissed thing.”

“Oh, right. Hmm.” She pauses. “Well, are you still going to nanny for him, or what?”

“I said I would.” I sigh again.

“Yeah, you sound super convincing,” she notes.

Rolling onto my side, I pull my knees to my chest, imagining what it’ll be like to see him again.

Will he pretend like the last few days never happened?

Will I pretend like the last few days never happened?

I’m not good at pretending. The idea alone is enough to make my stomach eat its own lining.

But so is the idea of leaving him high and dry without a nanny. I’m not that kind of person.

“Rore?” Tatum prods.

“I don’t know if I can be around him, let alone share a hotel room with him if I don’t know where we stand.”

“And where would you like to stand?” Tatum pushes. “I know you’ve dreamed about being with Jaxon since you were a little girl, but now that it might be an actual possibility, how do you feel?”

It’s a good question. And if I’m being completely honest, it isn’t something I’ve entertained.

Not since I was a kid and would write Mrs. Jaxon Thorne on my notebooks.

And that’s if it’s an actual possibility in the first place.

We shared a kiss. Okay, two kisses, but still.

Technically, it doesn’t have to mean anything, and it might not mean anything.

Not to Jax. Maybe he really did mean it in a transactional way.

Like he was doing me a favor by giving me the kiss he felt he owed me.

Maybe he was hoping that if he could make up for stealing my first kiss, I’d let things go and stop pouting and giving him the silent treatment.

Or maybe that’s all bullshit and he finally sees me the way I’ve always seen him?

Or at least, the way I always thought I saw him.

It’s kind of strange. Ever since the wedding, his perfect persona has started to crack, giving me glimpses of the real, flawed human he really is.

But instead of it turning me off or stalling my attraction to the guy, it’s only fed my interest, transforming my stupid childhood crush into something…

more. Something deeper and scarier and genuine.

Or at least, it could be if I knew he felt the same way.

I don’t know, and I’ll never know if he keeps pushing me away like he has been.

“You still there?” Tatum asks.

“I’m here.”

“So? How do you feel? Do you want to explore a relationship with Jax if it’s on the menu?”

I rub at the corner of my tired eyes. “I’m still not convinced that being with Jax is an actual possibility, even after the recent events.”

“Well, let’s pretend it is,” she argues. “Let’s say that the reason he ran isn’t because he’s not interested?—”

“Then why would he run?” I snap before pressing my lips into a thin line, hating my overreaction. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. You’re good, and you know I love you,” she assures me.

“But maybe he ran because he knows a commitment between you and him in this family isn’t something you can brush aside or take slow.

If it doesn’t work out, it could get…messy.

I mean, he works for your dad. And yeah, it worked out for Griff and Fin, and Mav and Lia, but when you add in Poppy and Iris and everything else, jumping into a relationship isn’t something you should take lightly.

And from the sound of things, it isn’t something Jaxon’s taking lightly, either. ”

I didn’t think about it that way. The way Iris and Poppy and our families play into everything. And it’s frustrating. Because I’m not sure I should need to consider everyone else. Isn’t a relationship supposed to be between two people?

A huff of frustration makes my nostrils flare as I mumble, “So, it’s a bad idea.”

“I didn’t say that,” she argues. “I’m just saying be patient with Jax. He’s always been an overthinker, and to be fair, you have, too. He’s probably taking some time to really consider every angle of the situation instead of jumping into bed with his boss’s daughter at his boss’s house.”

I snort and toss my forearm over my eyes because, well, when she puts it that way, she might be onto something. “Okay, that’s kind of a good point.”

“Definitely,” she argues. “Actually, as I was talking, I was even convincing myself that it has to be the reason why he left instead of screwing your brains out?—”

“Tatum!”

“Rory,” she volleys back, using my same tone. “Damn your best friend’s a genius.”

“And humble.”

“Don’t you forget it,” she quips. “Now, do you need me to fly out so we can have a girl’s night or…?”

“I’m good,” I tell her, though I’m too tired to analyze whether or not it’s true.

I’m a big girl, and it doesn’t matter how much I miss my best friend, I’m not about to make her jump on a plane all because I could use a hug.

Besides, I have a mom for that. “Thank you for talking me off a ledge, though,” I add. “I needed it.”

“Anytime, Squeaks. You know I love you.”

“Love you, too. And tell Paxton hi for me, okay?”

“Only if you promise to keep me updated,” she counters.

“I promise.”