Page 54 of A Heart On A Sleeve

“Ollie, hurry up and get out here or I’m going to call Anne,” she threatens.

I stumble to my feet, turn off the spray, and wrap myself in a towel.

I don’t think she’d actually do it, but if there’s even a small chance she’d involve my mother, I have to put a stop to it.

The woman has been relentlessly trying to reach me for weeks, and a call from Ariella is not the way I’d like to reconnect.

I pull the door open quickly, and Ari doubles over in laughter.

“So, this is funny? My heartbreak amuses you?” I sneer at her.

“No, but I knew that would work. Get back in there and use soap this time, but hurry up. I have big things to discuss with you and Chinese food to eat while I do it.” She snaps her fingers at me, and it’s clear she means business.

I shouldn’t do it, but I use his soap. I love the scent, and if I can’t have him, at least I can have this.

Finishing quickly, I get dressed in a pair of sweats and wrap my wet hair in a towel before meeting Ari on my couch.

She has a carton of lo mein waiting for me.

I dive in as soon as she hands it to me.

“I think you’re wrong,” Ari says around a bite of Mongolian beef.

“Wrong about what?”

“I think he did know the real you, I think we all do.”

“You do, but no one else does,” I counter.

“That’s a lie. A story you’ve told yourself to avoid being scared. I can prove it.” She picks up her phone and hits call, placing it on speaker and setting it on the table.

“Hello?” Howie’s voice rings out, making my heart melt. He’s a great friend. After we left Irina’s, he brought me home and stayed with me for the first two days, trading off with Ariella when he had to work. He’s come by to check on me since, but I’ve not been answering the door.

“Howard, I’m with Ollie. You’re on speaker, and I need you to confirm something for me. When did she tell you the first time about her parents being assholes?”

“Um, I think it was within five minutes of actually talking to me. It was the first day you came in for lunch, Ollie. Before I even knew you were friends with Ariella, before you even knew my name.”

“See, Ollie, you told Howie something deeply personal before you even met Irina. Okay, Howie, that day you hung out with Sam for drinks when her parents were in town, did Sam say anything about them?” Ari asks.

“I don’t remember exactly, but he did seem to know about them. I think he mentioned being worried about how hard Ollie’s mother is on her,” Howie says.

“You hadn’t shown him that tattoo at that point,” she tells me. “You told him about Anne because you wanted to, not because you had to.”

“Okay, I hear what you both are saying, but that doesn’t mean that when he sees the parts I haven’t shown him that he won’t run the other direction.

What’s he going to do the first time I have a meltdown prepping to see my parents or when I work long hours because I can’t stand the thought of disappointing a customer,” I retort, sipping my Diet Coke.

“Olive, there’s no guarantee he will stay, you’re right.

But there’s also no guarantee that he won’t.

Sam is a good man, and you are an amazing woman.

Sometimes we have to risk it all, and I know you know how to be brave.

I’ve seen you forget fear and take back your power.

You did it when you faced Irina like a badass,” Howie explains.

I wish he was here, I love that guy so much.

“I just, I don’t know. Hey, can we finally talk about what Howie called Irina when we were there?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

Howie’s groan trickles through the phone as Ari, laughing hysterically, says, “He called her a son of a witch.” Howie and I laugh right along with her. I have tears streaming down my face, and Howie is wheezing.

I’m so thankful I have Ari and Howie in my life. It doesn’t take away the ache from losing Sam, but it does help it sting a little less.

“Okay, Howard. Thank you for helping me prove a point. We are going to go drink our sorrows with a few bottles of wine now,” Ari coos.

We say our goodbyes and she hangs up the phone. I move to take the Chinese leftovers to the kitchen and grab a bottle of wine. Plopping back down on the sofa, Ari eyes me.

“So, the real problem here isn’t you, and it isn’t Sam. It’s your mother,” Ari says, matter-of-factly.

“My mother?”

“Yes. You are scared to open up because she has torn you down for years. You’ve never met her expectations, and that pain is bleeding into your relationships.”

“Not our relationship,” I deny.

“Yes. Even ours. How many times have you called me to apologize for shit that I didn’t even think twice about?

How many times have I had to convince you of how others see you or that you’re a good person?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, you were worried I was going to tell her I caught you slouching in your perfect lipstick shade before the festival.

” Ari grabs the wine and takes a long pull.

“I want to tell you to go get your man, but I can’t do that until you deal with Anne.

That man loves you, and he will take you back, but when he does, you have to be all in. ”

I wonder how long she’s been sitting on that.

How long has she wanted to tell me to confront my mother?

She’s not wrong. I know deep down it’s the scars from my childhood that leak onto everything else.

But I also feel ungrateful saying that. I never went without as a kid, I lived a privileged life.

“I’ll try to talk to her.”

“Good, I can be here if you need me.”

“No, I think I have to do it alone,” I say, taking another sip of wine.

“I’m proud of you. Now, should we watch Top Chef or Barbecue Showdown ?” Ari asks, flipping on the TV while burrowing up next to me and pulling a blanket over us.

This is why she’s my best friend. She knows exactly what I need and when I need it.