Page 53 of A Heart On A Sleeve

thirty-one

Olive

You Son of a Witch

It doesn’t take long for me to lose my shit on Irina. Howie, Ari, and me, are about two steps into the shop, nearly colliding with a young woman who looks suspiciously like Bridget’s ex. With one hand, I brace myself on Howie, and with the other, I grab the woman’s arm.

“Do not walk out of this building. Turn around and ask her to undo whatever it is that she’s done. I know you think this is fun, I did too. But you will regret it,” I warn.

The woman looks stricken, like I’ve slapped her. Good .

“Now, I don’t need the theatrics, Olivia,” Irina says, her voice reprimanding me. She flicks a wand and purple sparks flash through the air, spinning the stranger around three times before righting her. “I undid it. Now leave,” she shouts at the woman—or maybe me?

The woman jolts past Howie, Ari, and me, pushing out the door and kicking it closed behind her. Irina walks gracefully to her chair and sits, waiting for me to say something it seems. Her cauldron bubbles suspiciously over the fire, black liquid spilling over the edge with a gurgle.

“I need you to undo this.” I pull my sleeve up, showing her the tattoo that weaves around my arm. Her eyes sparkle at the sight of her work, further infuriating me.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” she asks, rolling her eyes like I’m nothing more than an inconvenience. Three chairs appear across from her, and she motions for us to sit. Ari bristles by my side, glancing between Howie and me, but we do as she commands and take our seats.

“I’ve never been more sure. Just do it,” I shout at her. A shred of doubt creeps in momentarily. Is this really what I want?

“Well, I should warn you . . .” Irina starts to say, but Howie interrupts her.

“No! You don’t get to warn her about anything. You’re done playing mind games with her. We all know the truth. You might be able to make other people believe in your bullshit, but not me. Just change her back to normal, you—you son of a witch!”

Irina cackles loudly, a shrill, somewhat evil-sounding laugh that echoes in my brain. I want to leave, to never see her again. She’s ruined everything for me, and she thinks it’s all just a big game. Instead of doing anything, she just sits there, staring at us and cracking up.

“Irina, please. I can’t live like this. I’m begging you,” I plead.

I could keep living with this thing, but nothing about my life would feel authentic.

Maybe Sam was right in that I have the power to choose my fate.

But if I keep it, I’ll just be fitting myself into another little box, I’ll be open with my emotions and choices because I have to be, not because I truly want to.

Suddenly Irina stops laughing, stiffly sitting in her chair and eyeing me suspiciously.

It feels like minutes pass as we wait in this silent standoff, but finally, she speaks.

“Okay, Olivia. I’ll change you back. But don’t pretend you don’t love him.

Don’t pretend that any of this emotional turmoil is my fault.

All I did was help you even when I shouldn’t have.

” She flicks her wrist, and the cauldron bounces and shakes, the roaring fire underneath racing up the sides in shades of blue and green while colorful liquid churns within, splashing to the floor.

Is she serious? This entire thing is her fault.

If I’d never met her, then I wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.

I would have continued living my peaceful, albeit somewhat lonely, life.

I never would have been given a glimpse of what love could look like.

But she meddled. She demanded I tell her my story, my problems.

“Irina, don’t act innocent. You knew things about me before we ever spoke.

You plucked me out of a crowd of hundreds of people and decided that I would be your next victim.

You saw my pain and thought it was funny to mess with me.

Well guess what, I tasted the sun. I saw what love looks like, and you ripped it away.

I will never be the same, and that’s your fault—but I won’t mess with other people like you do, to make myself feel better.

I can choose my own fate, I can be whoever the hell I want to be.

” I stand abruptly, walking as fast as I can to the cauldron to ladle my own cup of magical tea.

I sip it down in one long glug before turning to look back at my friends and Irina.

Howie smiles at me with a pride in his expression that I can only assume is the result of me standing up for myself.

Ari shouts a “Hell yeah!” and promptly grabs onto Howie as a rat scurries across the room.

Irina, on the other hand, looks sad. There are tears in her eyes, threatening to fall at any second.

For a brief moment, I feel bad, like maybe I took it too far.

“Olivia, before you leave, let me share something with you,” Irina pleads.

“No, we’ve heard enough out of you,” Ari says, wrapping an arm around me and steering me toward the door.

I reach for the handle when we get close, but the lock clicks into place. My breath catches in my throat. This is it, this is how I die. Howie comes up behind Ari and me, hugging us both. His hands are shaking, and I can tell he’s actually scared. At least I’m not alone.

“I have to tell you this, before you go.” Irina’s hand clasps my arm.

There’s a tenderness to her touch. “I know you don’t believe me when I say I wanted to help, and honestly, I wasn’t going to.

Not until my sister encouraged me. The thing is, I was a lot like you when I was younger.

I never wanted to open my heart because if I did, it meant I was giving someone the power to break it.

I understand you more than you think. By not opening up, though, not being vulnerable after I got burned by love, I cast myself into a pit of despair and a life of loneliness.

The point of your tattoo was to help you understand that it’s okay to be vulnerable with the right person.

You found your person, Olivia. I didn’t have anything to do with that, and what the two of you shared was real.

” Irina lets go of my arm, and I notice the tattoo fizzling away.

In an instant, my skin is back to normal, as if the tattoo was never there, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.

“Ollie, Ollie, where are you?” Ari shouts.

“Urghhh,” I groan, shoving a pillow over my face and pulling the covers up over my head. Maybe if I hide, she won’t know I’m here.

“Ollie, come on. You need to get out of this bed.” Ari pulls the comforter off and flings it to the floor before plopping down beside me.

“I can’t. I don’t know how,” I mumble, tears once again slipping down my cheeks. I’ve cried so much in the last six days, I’m not even sure how I have any fluids left in me.

“Come on, Ollie. Talk to me, I still don’t know what happened with Sam.

I can’t help you if I don’t know, and I can’t bear to see you like this any longer.

” Ari lies down beside me and wraps me in a tight hug.

It feels good to be wrapped in someone’s arms, even if it’s not Sam’s. At least for a moment I’m not alone.

“I walked away, I can’t believe I walked away. I didn’t have a choice, but it hurts so bad,” I choke out, sobbing into my pillow.

“Did you love him?” She squeezes me a little harder when she asks.

“Yes, and I still do. But I never told him that. I just, you know, I’m not good at this type of thing. How was I supposed to know that what we had was real when everything was clouded by the curse, by wearing my heart on my sleeve?”

“What did he say when you told him that you couldn’t do it, that you had to get the curse to end?” Ari asks, brushing hair off my forehead tenderly and wiping my tears.

“That’s the worst part, he looked so sad.

He asked me to choose him, to choose myself.

And then when I said no, he told me he would love me forever, that he’d love me even in his next life.

He was all in, and I threw him away. I let my stupid fear cloud what we had, but I did the right thing.

If I didn’t get Irina to remove the tattoo, I never would’ve known it was true love. He will never forgive me.”

“Ollie, of course he will. That man loves you beyond measure, beyond reason. I can’t believe that there’s a world in which he would turn you away if you told him you made a mistake.”

“That’s the problem. As much as I’m hurting, it wasn’t a mistake.

I’m glad I don’t have to see everything I feel painted across my arm.

I’m relieved I don’t have to reveal anything I don’t want to anymore.

And even if he took me back, the real me is not the girl that he fell in love with.

The real me sticks to her three-date rule and routinely disappoints everyone.

” I slough Ari off, standing to walk to the bathroom.

“Can you shower while you’re in there? You stink!” Ari shouts as I leave the room. Nothing like a bestie to call you on your bullshit.

I use the bathroom and take a minute to look in the mirror.

My hair is a rat’s nest, my eyes are permanently puffy from crying, and I hate to admit it, but I do stink, badly.

I move to the shower and turn on the spray.

Once it’s warm, I step in and let the water wash over my skin.

Closing my eyes for a second, it feels nice, like a cozy blanket wrapped around me.

But when I open them to grab the shampoo, a fresh blast of salt goes straight into my heart when I see Sam’s bodywash sitting on the ledge.

Instead of washing quickly, I sit down and clutch the bottle to my chest. The scent of it wafts in my nose and tears pour from my eyes. How will I ever get over him? How will I ever do anything again without having him to call or text or talk to? Is this what I deserve, to be lonely and miserable?

Ari pounds on the bathroom door.